Moving in together vs. Moving to be together

[Elena]

yay for so many replies! And thanks woop woop, I guess I'm just curious Keep the responses coming, it's interesting to her about everyone's plans!

[Andy]

I've never lived together with a boyfriend, and I've never even officially lived in my own place (although I've been away at college liiving in dorms, and I've traveled a lot so have a lot of independence), so it would all be new.

Neither have I. I've always lived at home, even the past 3.5 years that I've been at Uni I've lived at home cause I only live 30 minutes drive from there, and it's SO much cheaper to live at home. Plus I like being at home

Saying that, I'm planning to move to Finland to be with Tanja, possibly as soon as later this year depending on whether I have any luck with a job that a relative is trying to pull off for me...

Tanja has her own house, so it's never even crossed our mind that I'd go live somewhere near her before moving in, apart from the first weekend we spent together, I've always lived with her in the house, adding up to some 4 months in total. It's never entered my mind as that being a "big step" in our relationship cause it's been the norm really.

I always help out around the house (here at home I mean) so it's not like I need someone to clean up after me like some guys

Plus with Tanja being 5 years older than I am, and being a mother too, she sort of has a desire to look after me which is really lovely

So it's all planned out for us really, being an EU citizen I don't need to bother with work permits either. If I can get a job I can move out the once I graduate, then it's just a case of learning the language cause everything else is in place

Sounds nice and simple but it's always anything but hehe

[lunamea]

Okay, as ever, my situation is a little different.. and then again not. I guess my husband and I were kind of LD when we met, too (he lived with his sister's family in another province of Austria, a 2-hour train ride away), but I spent weekends and uni breaks with him and his family 24/7. My first comment on that is (even though I know your Portuguese is much better than my Albanian, i.e. the language they spoke at his sister's) - I would not recommend living with his family. I only did it for a couple of weeks and even though I got along with them, I felt like an outsider or intruder most of the time and my (now) husband and me didn't get much privacy.
After 4 months of having known each other, we moved in together and I've never regretted it. In fact, the first few months (he was unemployed and I only had my studies at the time) were the best ever - we spent them together, the two of us exclusively, 24/7, it was like a very long, very unusual honeymoon.

I know that it's a big step, but considering your situation (especially the financial aspect and the not-knowing-anyone-else thing), I'd probably go for it. The sooner you get to know everything about a person you want to stay with the better, you could say. Sure, it's going to put strain on your relationship, but I don't think that a relationship that otherwise works well will crush under the day-to-day routine. And you'll learn so much about him and know very soon if living him works for you (imagine finding out that it does not work after a year-long CDR!).

When I asked my mom about this back when my hb and me had just met, she said that there's never a guarantee, anyway. She also thinks (and I've adopted her stance) that if you live on your own for too long, moving in with someone will be very difficult if not next to impossible. My friend's girlfriends are all 30+, have never lived with any of their boyfriends and are by now terrified of the idea. I think, after a while, you just get used to being able to do what you want when you want it and pay no mind to someone else there. Living with your SO can teach you a lot about yourself, I think.

Another thing to consider is that people and circumstances change all the time. Living with my husband now is different from what it used to be just after we got married (and living with him after I get back from my study abroad will be different from the way it was before, I guess)... new jobs, new friends, a new apartment... all that changes the daily life. Meaning that, even if you don't move in with him now and get along great that way, that's not saying you'll also get along great when you finally do move in together (in a few years).