Being "Official"

[lizzielove]

A discussion that I've had twice with my SO is that he doesn't want to be "boyfriend/girlfriend" since we live so far apart. He loves me, and he's not using it as an excuse to like date other women. He just doesn't want to define it as that we're dating because he has had other LDRs that didn't go so well. I get his thinking, even though it bugs me a tad (I like flaunting lol)
He's mine, I'm his. But there's no label.
Have any of you had your SO request for no label on your relationship?

[LadyMarchHare]

I personally don't understand not calling it dating/using the terms bf and gf for LDRs as I believe once you ask them to be yours solely, that's the 'official' end of it.

My SO and I had a similar situation the first month of our relationship. I think it was more he wasn't sure what I wanted to call us just like I wasn't sure if he wanted me to call him my boyfriend. He asked me one day if I wanted to go 'exclusive' which I think was a silly term to use but he clarified it as wanting to be official and be able to tell people "hey I'm dating so-and-so." Ended that pretty easily. The only difference between LDRs and CDRs is, well, distance. It begets more differences once you branch out the word 'distance' by definition in this context but it's still just one whole thing. I can understand your guy being wary, but these things you have to jump in with both feet sometimes because even if you don't label it, the feelings that go with said label are still there and the hurt will be just as real.

[Micah]

Sometimes labels aren't necessary. I know that there is a sense of security when we are given a label, such as "girlfriend", but the fact that he is committed to you and loves you should mean more than a label. Maybe if you sort of step back from the discussion and let things happen naturally, he will eventually refer to you as his girlfriend without feeling any pressure to put a definition on things.

[mllebamako]

I guess I just don't get WHY he doesn't want to label it?
Label or not, it can still go badly. I mean if you guys are acting like boyfriend/girlfriend, then why doesn't he want to call it that?

[Puramu]

Early on it's hard to see that you're truely 'boyfriend and girlfriend' in a LDR. I mean I fell in love with my SO, and it was almost a month before I was like "Ok, I'm calling you my boyfriend and that's that!" I guess there has to be a realization that "man, we're doing things like a couple would, maybe that makes us a real couple."

[princessmia]

I asked my SO if it was okay that there weren't any labels yet until we met...he agreed, even though I'm sure that he wanted to be official.
I was in a bad LDR before, with someone I had not met before as well, and we were 'official.' He later ripped my heart out. And then I promised myself that I wouldn't get invovled with anyone that involves distance..but then I met Alex and truly, truly fell in love. And this time it was completely different.
Alex understands why I asked if we could wait..and he gets it. It's not that I don't want to be his girlfriend--it's something I desperately want to be. It's more complicated because we haven't met yet and if something does happen, maybe my brain's thinking that it won't hurt as much if we weren't 'boyfriend and girlfriend.' I know that nothing is going to happen between now and when we do meet, which is in March.
Another reason why I want to wait is because I want him to ask me, and I want to be able to respond in a way where I can actually touch him.
It was a hard choice for me to want to wait, because I want him so badly. We both know that we are each others in almost every single way. He doesn't know much concern if there is any.
It's difficult for me to wait, because I want to be his girlfriend so badly, and I want to be with him and meet him so badly.

[mllebamako]

OK, now reading what PrincessMia wrote, I think that it's understandable if you guys haven't met yet...I don't know why, but I was just assuming you had met.

[Zephii]

Obi and I went through that stage. He wouldn't "go official" until we'd met in person. Some people are odd and just have their boundaries that make sense to them.

[princessmia]

OK, now reading what PrincessMia wrote, I think that it's understandable if you guys haven't met yet...I don't know why, but I was just assuming you had met.

Haha no...I wish =)

[noodle]

My bf did so at first cause he couldnt deal with the fact that we havent met yet and live so far apart. Eventually he realized it makes not sense not calling me his girlfriend ^^

[Bluestars]

My boyfriend did not want to be official until we met in person, so maybe that is the same deal with your guy? After you have met in the person, then I would be a bit skeptical about that excuse though.

[lizzielove]

Thanks for the responses! We haven't met in person yet, and I thought really hard about it last night, and I understand his thinking more than I thought I did. We talked about visiting each other last night and both realized that it's not possible for us to visit unless we get a hotel room to stay in, which is EXPENSIVE and we're both tight on money. Plus, the nearest airport to me is an hour away, and it costs 300 dollars more to fly there than it does to fly to Dallas, which is 3 hours away from me. So yeah, very expensive.
I think we'd only be able to see each other if I was moving to Florida, which would mean he'd have to get his own place (he lives with his dad), not to mention I can't afford to move (much less buy a plane ticket).
Because of all this complicated stuff, I'd understand why he doesn't want to be official until we actually meet. I call him my boyfriend when I'm talking to people, because there's not really anything I can call him. What do I say, oh he's my phone lover? He doesn't mind that I do that, he just doesn't want to be official. And I get it. And you're right, maybe if I wait long enough, he'll change his mind on his own. The same thing happened when I first told him I loved him. He wasn't sure if he felt the same way, so I waited, and a week later he said it back

[NickyDoll]

When Kal moved away, he asked what I wanted to do. I told him I did not want to break up, I was not ready for this to be over and I did NOT want to see other people. Even though he had every other of his girlfriends cheat on him while he was back in New York for the summer, he still wanted to give an LDR a try. I don't think either of us really thought it would last as long as it has but we labeled it 'boyfriend/girlfriend' and now he calls me wifey (which secretly sends me reeling to my happy place.) Hopefully your guy gets over his past to see his future...

[DemonxOisin]

OMG! I thought I was alone in this!
Me and my SO are definitely in love with one another, and I know he doesn't do it to be with other girls.
He will call me his girlfriend, but only because he knows it would bother me if he didn't. However, he won't change his facebook status (that sounds so petty to complain about lol) and he wont tell his parents that we are actually together. And only his best friends know... He always reminds me that right now, he can't give me all of himself because the distance ruins it for him. He says he wants to be able to give me everything he has, and not being able to do so, it doesn't feel right to him.
He didn't believe in LDR's before he met me, and it's very weird for him to be in one after that. I do understand his point, but sometimes it drives me crazy -.-

[Sierra]

I was on the opposite side of the fence here and refused to label us until we met in person. I mean, the reality is that when we met we might have not even liked each other.

So while I was committed to the relationship and hadn't gone on a date in over a year, it wasn't until we met last week that we made it 'official'. We wanted to make sure the juice was worth the squeeze.