High expectations.

[machstx]

So I'm spending this upcoming weekend with my bf for my birthday. I want it to be great...i have a tendency to have high expectations and ruin everything. I want to do simple fun things and ENJOY our time together.

how do you deal with expectations? and what are some things you do with your SO that you really enjoy that make you feel closer?(doesnt have to be simple)

[MoonWatcher]

My birthday is also coming up really soon... and although I'm trying reeeeeally hard not to set my expectations too high, since it's first birthday of mine that he's sharing with me... but I can't help it I can't help wondering what he's going to do!!

Something that really helps us focus on each other, reconnect and relax is one-on-one board games, like chess, battleship, stuff like that. But then again we're huge nerds. We enjoy those because it helps the mood to be chill while also allowing us to talk to each other and be close and enjoy one another's company (and also if we're stressed about something or need to talk seriously, it gives a good environment for that). We also do book studies together which always gives me the warm-and-fuzzies ^_^

[Rugger]

I'm in the same boat as you guys. My birthday is Sunday and my boy is coming down to spend it with me. I want it to be really great but i'm scared it won't be.

I just keep telling myself it is going to be my best birthday ever because this year i have him.

[Zephii]

I find the best way to avoid disappointment is to be frank if it looks like it's going down hill. Suggest one of the things you had hoped for.
Happy upcoming birthdays!

We read to each other (After a year it's finally my turn to read again!) or go for walks or sometimes just lay down for hours and cuddle, now that we spend so much time apart (CDR apart - busy lives) just laying and being in the moment together have become more important than ever. Oh, and we cook together too when we have time, it can be a lot of fun and gives time to talk and learn to work together.

[Lunar Snow]

It's fun to get excited about birthdays, especially ones we can spend with our SOs. It's difficult not to build up some expectations about what will happen on our birthdays, because many of us were raised with something special on our birthdays with the special people in our lives. I think, as we age, that we also start taking more of a hand in planning our parties, too--so some of our expectations can be met with our own planning. My most recent visit with my SO was a "surprise" visit for my birthday. Because I found out about the surprise beforehand and kept it a secret, I was more worried about what his expectations for his visit would be. Since the appearance of a surprise was maintained, I think both of us viewed the gift as his visit to see me (although, he did pay for most of our dates, etc. too).

The way I would suggest avoiding disappointment is to bring up, casually, that your birthday is during the visit. Something like "Oh! My birthday is during the visit--what do you think are some fun things that we could do together to celebrate? Let's think of some ideas together." Because it is about both of you and both of you could come up with things, it takes a bit of the onus off of him and allows you to throw in some things you might like there (as others say, they don't have to be ridiculous things like riding an elephant with a diamond-encrusted tiara on your head, but can be playing favourite games together). On the other hand, it could be that he might have something planned and he would say something to indicate that he has some plans for you already (although he still may be open to hearing suggestions).

My SO and I like to do a variety of things together. I view CD time as a chance to form real-time memories together and think that it should involve a variety of activities. One I always talk about on here and which he and I seem to do every visit is that we like to cook together. We decide what we want to make, shop for the ingredients, then cook the meal together with some nice music and conversation. It's really romantic and is a good way to break the ice after some time apart, and do something cooperatively towards the same goal (and see the results of your actions completed with a nice meal in real-time). We like to be a bit touristy and see local attractions and have found our most memorable choices are when we combine these dates with something a little active (e.g. the zoo where we can walk around or cycling around the sea wall on a tandem bicycle are both favourites). We're movie buffs and like to go to the theatres or rent movies--I find that is a nice transition from our LDR dates to our CD dates, since we will often watch movies or tv shows together for our LDR dates. What Zephii says about laying down and cuddling is nice, as I think it is important to slow down in life and take in each other's company solely. You could combine long cuddles with going for a picnic and enjoy a bit of silence, while observing other things about your partner (like the rhythm of their heart beat) (although, I know that not talking for long stretches could feel a little awkward on a first visit or for the first part of a visit).

[sabby64]

I haven't had much of a problem with this yet, but since I was raised with every holiday/birthday/anniversary being a huge deal in my family and he doesn't even celebrate his own birthday, I can see it being a problem later on. For my birthday I wasn't expecting too much since we're both students and broke, but it was the best birthday ever just because he was here with me and I didn't have to spend it alone. So I figure I'll just concentrate on the fact that we're going to be together and see everything else as a bonus, so that it will be good either way.

[BillW]

Cook a special dinner together. My SO and I did this last Saturday night and ended up eating 4 hours later then planned because of the wonderful conversation. Put surf and turf on the menu with a wine and cheese appetizer and you are sure to have a special birthday with a wonderful memory. If he gives you a gift beyond his being there, all the better but don't expect it so you can't be let down. Enjoy!

[BoogleBee]

My birthday is on this saturday, my 21st. Usually the 21st is a big thing, but....eh. I'm not really doing anything for it. Most people have big parties with lots of friends and family but that doesn't appeal at all to me. And I have a really difficult uni exam on saturday morning so I'm actually not looking forward to my birthday at all.
My SO is not here for my birthday but she has sent me a package in the mail which I will open on webcam with her on saturday night. Thats all that I need I don't have high expectations, but I guess because she isn't here for it. However we will be together for our 1 year anniversary and christmas so those should be good!
I will probably have a birthday dinner with friends around November 14th after all exams are over.

[squiddie]

My birthday is today, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to see Penn, let alone hear from him. So just getting a phone call was more than I had expected. (The only birthday we've spent together was his in our first year--since then we've been apart on each other's birthdays.)

I would suggest hope for low-key. Don't expect crazy blow-out surprises, because even with friends that can lead to a huge let-down if that's not your dynamic.

Think about what you normally do together, and expect that. I'm sure he'll want to do something special for the weekend, but if you expect it to be like just a normal weekend together, I'm sure you'll leave on Sunday night feeling great.

[sam]

what are some things you do with your SO that you really enjoy that make you feel closer?(doesnt have to be simple)

I love the really simple things that we can do together. Cook (well.. she cooks and I just get in the way, but you know haha), take a walk to the grocery shop together, sit(/lay) on the sofa watching TV together..
You know.. just the small things where you enjoy each others company..

I've also just realised they're all things we'd do on a regular basis once we've closed the distance.. interesting

[machstx]

I'm in the same boat as you guys. My birthday is Sunday and my boy is coming down to spend it with me. I want it to be really great but i'm scared it won't be.

I just keep telling myself it is going to be my best birthday ever because this year i have him.

sunday is my birthday too

[Moon]

Happy Birthday to both of you

Be careful about expectations, they have a way of letting you down. If your SO's tried, give 'em credit for the thought, since people don't always know how to do exactly what we want without specific instructions Not everybody places the same importance on birthdays, so if they're very important to you, make that very clear. As far as what to do this weekend, I know you said it doesn't have to be simple, but simple is often best. Try fun, easy things like cooking, hiking, having a picnic, anything that makes you interact with each other, rather than a movie or something.

[machstx]

thanks everyone we have talked and i am going to just CHILL and enjoy my love we have some plans set. knotts scary farm (we planeed on going anyway just happend to be my bday weekend) and disneyland early for a few hours before the crowd hits, with our very good friend that introduced us (we have passes and its tradition for us to go on our bdays). our favorite place for dinner and the rest is up in the air we have 4 nights together so it should be nice.

[machstx]

Happy Birthday to both of you

Be careful about expectations, they have a way of letting you down. If your SO's tried, give 'em credit for the thought, since people don't always know how to do exactly what we want without specific instructions Not everybody places the same importance on birthdays, so if they're very important to you, make that very clear. As far as what to do this weekend, I know you said it doesn't have to be simple, but simple is often best. Try fun, easy things like cooking, hiking, having a picnic, anything that makes you interact with each other, rather than a movie or something.

thankyou yeah thats pretty much what it is. his family isnt big on birthdays at all. and neithe is mine but thats why im so big on them haha.

[elina]

I love the really simple things that we can do together. Cook (well.. she cooks and I just get in the way, but you know haha), take a walk to the grocery shop together, sit(/lay) on the sofa watching TV together..
You know.. just the small things where you enjoy each others company..

I've also just realised they're all things we'd do on a regular basis once we've closed the distance.. interesting

Mmmm.. gonna be good, living together, huh ♥

I love those kind of things too.. all the simple stuff you do every day.. that you get to do together. Love going for a walk with him (unless we're too lazy to do that ...which we are, quite often ), falling asleep in his arms and waking up next to him.. being able to hug/kiss him whenever I want.. ahhh 5 more days ♥

Just try to relax and maybe not plan anything huge or something that could go really wrong You'll be fine, you get to be with your SO on your birthday, that's awesome