Fight/ Arguments with your SO

[Cali2LDN]

When you have fights/ arguments with your SO how do you resolve them, get over them, and move on?

[Beastofknowledge]

You find time to talk, look at your options to where the arguments goes, and treat it as a learning curve. I've learnt full well you can't simply "forget" the argument, you have to take from it what you can and try to put it aside. Try not to let it repeat itself.

[H87]

Luckily we haven't had any real fights or arguments yet and fingers crossed we don't hit that road for a little while longer, but we've definitely had disagreements and miscommunication's that we've had to work through. I tend to bottle things up inside, and he's very good at figuring out when something is bothering me. But we talk through things. Never any yelling or raised voices, we keep things calm and we talk through our issues no matter how painful until we come to some kind of compromise or agreement. Its been a learning experience for me, because I've never been good at being completely open with someone and he's really been pushing me to open up when something is bothering me. I've very thankful that he is so patient.

[Caitlin2009]

talk them out until whatever your argument is about is solved. never hang up the phone, go offline or go to bed angry thats always the worst thing you can do

[Zephii]

We talk or write letters until we both fully understand how each other feels, then we (or I :P ) will think up a bunch of options we can use to overcome whatever it is, or some compromises, and we'll choose one together and agree to put effort into making it better. We're not afraid to say "you're hurting me" or "this needs to change" or "I know I've done the wrong thing, I'm sorry."

[sam]

We hardly ever resolve them >.> hah

Just kinda.. sorts itself out (after longer than we'd hope, but whatever)

[squiddie]

I'm a little different from most people on here. If I'm ticked off at Penn, I need to leave/hang up/get off Skype for a while and cool my head before I can talk it out rationally. This can take me anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour, but once I do come back, we always get it sorted out.

Often times though, our fights happen when one of us is angry about something else entirely, and taking it out on the other. We try to preempt them by talking about what's on our minds instead of letting it stew.

[sabby64]

Luckily we haven't had any serious fight, but my SO has a very different way of dealing with anger. When he gets mad or ticked off, he falls completely silent and backs off. He says its because he needs time to chill out and let the anger go away before we can talk again. I'm usually the one who argues and gets angry, but I can't do that with him since he just doesn't respond. I decided to try backing off, and it seemed to work, so every time we have an argument we both back off, and then talk about it later after we've both calmed down. It's worked every time.

It's easier when he's here because then we don't even need to say anything, it all gets resolved with a hug.

[xMesmerize124]

When my bf and i fight, we might stop talking to each other for a few hours or so that way we can cool down, then talk about what happened later when we are done cooling down. I personally think being in a LDR you can't just throw things under the bridge and think you're done with it forever because no matter what it always seems to come up again at the worst times. So usually after my bf talk about what happened and talk about our feelings, its very easy for us to reserve the issue, make up (making up is the best part =P), and move on.

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm a little different from most people on here. If I'm ticked off at Penn, I need to leave/hang up/get off Skype for a while and cool my head before I can talk it out rationally. This can take me anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour, but once I do come back, we always get it sorted out.

Often times though, our fights happen when one of us is angry about something else entirely, and taking it out on the other. We try to preempt them by talking about what's on our minds instead of letting it stew.

Both my SO and I are like this, except he can take days to chill out depending on what it was, but once there's an apology he forgives and forgets. Me, I stew for maybe 20 minutes to a few hours then think it out and go back with maybe not a clear head, but less rage. I learned the hard way talking instantly with him's a bad idea because my anger likes to stir my imagination for the worst. We hardly argue and it's usually us ticked about something else and the mood just bleeds into the conversation and he detaches from me.

[nicole]

We've never had a serious fight, but the times when something is wrong (usually on my end when I go into depression mode), I normally go offscreen for a while to calm down, then come on and try to talk things out. Sometimes it's easier turning the video off, mostly we just switch to IM until I can can speak again.

We don't argue because we usually stop it in its tracks before it turns into a fight. We talk it out, don't fight dirty- no raised voices, no name calling, no attacking each other. and sort it out as it happens, we don't sleep well without each other as it is, no use going to bed angry and thinking about it all night too.

[NaNi]

We usually stop typing/talking and take a little break which can last a few hours. We are both really stubborn unfortunately. But it also helps to calm us down. It might turn into something bigger otherwise.

Sometimes we also just keep typing/talking until we sorted everything out.

The distance is really getting to us lately.

[London-FortCollins]

I think its totally fine to need to have space to calm down and gather your thoughts - it stops things being said in the heat of the moment that you dont really mean and could later regret.

You just have to open and honest about that. "I feel too angry to talk right now and I would appreciate it if we ended this phone call for now and I call you back in an hour or so when I've had time to think" Personally I would always like to remind my SO that I love him and I want to resolve this. I find that helps remind me that no matter what the fight is it can be resolved.

And my number one - communication. Always always always talk about how your feeling, confessions, things your upset or angry about. And ideally as soon as they arise - dont let things stew. They'll only explode out at a later date a billion times worse.

[paulawriteslove]

Me and my boyfriend don't get in arguments often, but when we do we get over them pretty quickly

[Dauntedpoet]

Well Ian and I are different types of arguers, he is a walk away, think about it and then respond, and I am the continue talking and talking and arguing until its all sorted out kind of person. I will say that until we had our first HUGE argument over the distance as a couple, I wasn't really sure we could make it as a couple, because he is so calm and logical and I am so emotional and energetic, but it just worked! I knew he would reach his limit and walk away, and probably not come back until he knew I was asleep (and he could get a word in edgewise, LOL) and he knew I would continue to verbalize (type) it from every different angle to cover exactly why it was an issue for me. It was one of those make it or break it fights, and so when I logged on the next day he had left me the most wonderful response, and I had logged on to apologize for being so over the top. We were both laughing about it, as we had managed to settle it in offline messages.