advice?

[Aimee Squeeze]

Hey guys and dolls!
I've found myself in a bit of a situation People say communication is the key to a successful relationship right? But can you communicate too much? I've been away from my partner now for about two months, He's my best friend and It's so weird being without him
However, I think talking to him as much as I want is smothering him I really don't want to push him away I know it seems silly but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with missing someone?

p.s, Sorry If theres already a thread like this, but I couldnt find one x

[5000miles]

You both need to sit down and talk about boundaries. Yes, you love them and yes, you wish they were there so of course you want to be talking to them all the time. But life has to go on. You can't lock yourself in your room and chain the computer/phone to you (took me a couple months of LDR to realize this). You have to find a balance you can both agree on. So bring it up with him. Tell him you're worried about smothering him and ask if he agrees. Talk to him about how often he thinks you guys should talk and then give your own input. Talk it through and decide what's best for you two and your relationship.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

[Aimee Squeeze]

Hey hun Thanks your post helped! We've talked a little about it, it's just soo confusing! I didn't realise it was possible to miss some one this much! This site it so lush for talking to people that understand I just don't know how to deal with it, never felt like this before x

[mllebamako]

I second what 5000miles said, set boundaries. Communication is important, but it's quality not quantity. It's important to communicate about things that worry you, excite you, make you mad, make you fall more in love. But you can't talk ALL the time. It's just not practical and you'll end up missing them more and possibly hurting the relationship. You both need to get out there and do your own thing. Find a new hobby, go meet up with your friends, write a book.
Good luck, we all know how hard it is to miss someone this much.

[Aimee Squeeze]

Aw thank you soo much! 'quality not quantity' that was soo helpful! It's all starting to click and make sense now I really appreciate this, my buddies don't seem to get it! Thankyou

[Karringtyn]

I totally agree with quality not quanity!!! Perfect way of saying it.


Just wanted to pop in and say HI and Welcome!

[LadyMarchHare]

Another thing I might add in, if when you guys come to a conclusion and you still feel like talking more, try putting it down in letters or e-mails, then read over them and see if you want to send all that to him, if he needs to know any of it or if you're just repeating yourself. I know I can overshare with my guy because I get so happy I ramble, so I set myself up a LJ account to do just that when he's not there and he knows where it is if he wants to read it but can still get the important stuff straight from me.

Communication isn't just talking, it also involves problem solving, compromising, and creating goals/reaching goals together. But yeah, 5000miles hit it on the head by suggesting setting boundaries because you can love someone and still need/give space without hurting feelings so long as you go about it right.

[Rugger]

Maybe set specific times of day you talk, unless something is up. My SO and I talk at night around 7-8 ish until we go to bed, every night, regardless of who we are with. T will even text me when he's out with his friends.

[Aimee Squeeze]

LadyMarchHare you sorta explained my thing, 'im just so happy and excited to see when he's online in the day and i have loads to tell him I just ramble and ramble!! whats an LJ account? and thankyou all again, this is all soo helpful xxxxx

[LadyMarchHare]

LJ is LiveJournal. It's like an online journal/diary you can write in and set for people to look at and comment on if you want them to. Plenty of people use them for different things but I just like posting what's on my mind or what's bothering me because I find even if no one reads it, I typed it out and got it out there and it makes me feel better.

[Aimee Squeeze]

Ah that is such a good idea!! I'm going to google it now

[Zephii]

Communication can be non-verbal, even over the internet. It's tricky to get the hang of it, but you will. Get creative. Instead of talking, would he leave his webcam on so you can just randomly look over and see him there? Generating an in-the-same-room-but-doing-different-things vibe is very good for getting rid of the loneliness. Generally, if both Obi and I were at our desks (which was a lot!) we'd be talking on msn or later skype. If he was on and not in contact with me, even silently, I'd feel a bit put out.... it just seemed natural that we should communicate when we were both there, so I understand your desire to ramble ^^;

The other thing you can do is write down creative ideas to keep the relationship fun, or work on a project for him. That way when the need to ramble settles down a little, you'll have a variety of things to stop your conversations getting stale.

[Aimee Squeeze]

Ah that's such A good idea! Communication doesn't actually have to be through words I agree, If we're both at the computers doing uni work, It only seems natural that we chitter chatter, We would if we was in the same room back home! I've gotton myself a lil LJ to kill my rambles, I don't have to clog him up with every little thing that I'm feeling then! I love the project Idea, I wanna make him something for christmas to take home with me, But what cute stuff would a guy like?! lol! x

[paulawriteslove]

I agree with setting boundaries and times talk. I know that when you talk too much then there's nothing to talk about. So maybe only talk on the phone once a day or something like that. I hope this helps!

[Aimee Squeeze]

Hey chick! Thankyou It's all really helpful! really appreciate it