"You don't love them, you don't even know them"

[Cali2LDN]

I finally mustered up the courage to tell my mom that I love Kieran (my SO) and she said to me "You don't love him, you don't even know him" I simply said back to her that it took alot for me to finally say that to her and if I did not mean it I would not tell her.

Has this been said to you before after confessing you love for someone in an LDR relationship? How do you react? What do you say?

I honestly was heart broken when she said that.

[LadyMarchHare]

I got the same reaction from my ex-best friend when I told her I loved my SO. She went off on a tangent about how he could easily be a liar, a rapist, a killer, he was out for my virginity and he made me stupid, etc. I've yet to tell my mom as she's not even over the fact I'm dating someone not within my race even though it's been 8 months. Basically if she asks I'll answer truthfully but right now I can't bring myself to say I love him in front of her.

As I tell people who give me the "You don't know them" speech, if someone doesn't want you to know them, you won't. Doesn't matter if it's in person or through the internet. If they're determined to lie, they can do it and not be caught for a good while.

[kasia516]

when i told people i was dating someone in england they just ignored it or told me i was crazy and i heard "when will you see him again?" it hurt. a lot. but you really dont understand until youre in a long distance relationship yourself. i just try to remember that, and i try to ignore them.
its been over a year and NO ONE thought we would work. now people cant say that im crazy or it wont work out or "you dont know him" to me. i dont know how long youve been with your SO, but over time it gets better, once people realize that you ARE serious and you ARE staying in this relationship.

[BrittBlaz]

Yes I agree. When I first met my SO we had never met before so therefor had no intentions of starting anything or even liking each other. It just happened that first night. And even though we only were together for about 3 days, we both knew that there was something serious happening. So I told my sister first because I wanted her opinion about what happened and what she thought. She immediately thought what I was doing was stupid and irrational because he was already with someone and also because he was moving to MS and I would barely see him so she figured he'd always just be out with other girls and i'd never know and I would eventually get hurt. Since then my SO and I have fell so in love that it shows in every aspect of our lives. My parents now approve of my being with him and my sister is always asking about him and how he is. It makes me happy that they can see how happy he makes me and how much we both love each other. They are happy that I have found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

[sabby64]

When I told my mom I was going to be doing long distance with my SO she immediately told me not to do it, but it was more out of love then anything else. She has being doing long distance with her boyfriend who's also going to the same University as me and she told me that it's really hard and she wishes I wouldn't put myself through what she goes through every day. I went along with it anyways and now she's finally accepted that we're both in the same situation. It's nice to have someone close to relate with I guess. No one else in my family has really said anything about it, and most of my friends are in the same situation now that we've all left for school.

[Cali2LDN]

when i told people i was dating someone in england they just ignored it or told me i was crazy and i heard "when will you see him again?" it hurt. a lot. but you really dont understand until youre in a long distance relationship yourself. i just try to remember that, and i try to ignore them.
its been over a year and NO ONE thought we would work. now people cant say that im crazy or it wont work out or "you dont know him" to me. i dont know how long youve been with your SO, but over time it gets better, once people realize that you ARE serious and you ARE staying in this relationship.

Seriously are you my twin? lol its been about a year, 2 months, and 4 weeks since me and my SO have been together and he lives in england as well lol.

[mllebamako]

I'm not in the same situation but I understand where your Mom is coming from. Give her time to accept the relationship slowly. Start mentioning things about Kieran to her. I have said it before, but before I was on LFAD I didn't understand LDR/cyber relationships. I didn't get how people could really get to know each other and fall in love on the internet. Now with reading all these stories, I think differently. But your Mom hasn't had that time and experience to adjust. The idea is probably scary to her.

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm not in the same situation but I understand where your Mom is coming from. Give her time to accept the relationship slowly. Start mentioning things about Kieran to her. I have said it before, but before I was on LFAD I didn't understand LDR/cyber relationships. I didn't get how people could really get to know each other and fall in love on the internet. Now with reading all these stories, I think differently. But your Mom hasn't had that time and experience to adjust. The idea is probably scary to her.

I agree. I never understood online relationships until I ended up in one and came here. It's a tough thing to grasp for some.

[Kika]

I have said it before, but before I was on LFAD I didn't understand LDR/cyber relationships. I didn't get how people could really get to know each other and fall in love on the internet. Now with reading all these stories, I think differently. But your Mom hasn't had that time and experience to adjust. The idea is probably scary to her.

Me neither, well I didn't fall in love on the internet, but never thought I will end up in a LDR, I didn't see it as a proper relationship before, now I know that it's much harder and X times more committed relationship. My friends are luckily supportive, my best friend approves everything I do, another one started a LDR herself a few days after me and the last one is a bit pesimistic as she had a LDR with her current boyfriend - they saw each other every weekend and were apart just for a month! she couldn't make it work though, but I must admit that she is a bit immature in her relationships.

I don't have close relationship with my family, therefore I was never able to tell anyone about my boyfriends. If my mother ever asked, I would tell her the truth. My siblings would not tell anything, my mom would make fun of it - she never thinks that I am serious about something until I do that. His family is however nice, they keep asking about me

[Beastofknowledge]

I've gotten the same response from my mum to be honest - told her the truth- her response "if he loved you he would let you go".
So, what I did, was explain to her what I loved about him - how he made me happy etc etc ... I suppose parents get worried because its not the kind of relationship they were used to seeing when they were in their youths. LDR's , presumably, were less common. Thus they don't feel that its a real relationship...The only thing you can do is pesevere and show her this can work. Don't let her get you down.

[Caitlin2009]

yeah got pretty much the same reaction it was either that or "i know you dont love her, i can feel it!!!" from my mom a few months ago before she met Denise, and i told her "are you in my body???? no right? well you dont know how i feel and i do love her with all my heart!!! just accept that because its never gonna change!!" she fully excepted it when she finally met Denise

[London-FortCollins]

Me and my SO decided that until we had met officially we wernt going to say the magic L words. Even though we were pretty certain that was what we were feeling we wanted to meet each other face to faace first. And to be honest we wanted the first time we said it to be in person too.

A lot of my friends thought I was absolutly crazy. Totally ironic - the first time I met him I was travelling across America meeting a bunch of people from the same forum....noone worried about me staying on "random" girls (who I'd never met but got to know over a year and a half) sofas but everyone was freaking out about staying in a hotel with my SO visiting. There's sterotypes for you...

Anyways. A lot of people thought I was changing for him or it was "just a phase/fling" etc. But now they see how we are. They saw us over 3 months together (well through photos and phone calls anyway!) and have come to accept it. I think a lot of people I know still dont understand how we can really "know" each other from not seeing other that frequently.

Truth be told we probably know each other better than they and their SO's do BECAUSE of that simple fact.

I love my long distance relationship. Its hard and I cant wait until we're in the same country but I wouldnt change how we met and came to be the couple we are because of the distance for the world.

I think maybe people who dont understand might even be a little jealous. That we know each other better and the "excitment" of it all. *shrug* who knows?

The point is exactly as Caitlin2009 says. Noone knows how your feeling. If you have the faith and the love in your relationship it shouldnt matter what anyone else thinks....even your mum as hard as that might be to admit.