I need advice in my LDR

[love.never.fails]

Hi. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We met in highschool and now he moved 52 miles away a little over a year ago.
Last year he went through a spell of cheating on me... he did it 3 times over a course of 3-4 months. Yet I stood by him. I love him with every fiber of my being. I am 16 and he is 17. Please don't judge, both of us have had more than our share.

He has ADHD - and I am very insecure. We fight over little things like he's not paying enough attention to me... or when he goes to a friends house for hours he doesnt call or text or answer his phone. I know this is me being selfish and I want to fix it. He also has a temper. He tends to yell or hang up when he gets mad and ignores me for hours. Now I am a very sensitive person so it effects me.

These problems are only when we're not together. We seen each other almost every weekend and its wonderful. We both love each other very, very, very much. We talk on the phone 3-4 hours every single day. Except when he goes somewhere.

I want to fix our relationship. What would be some ideas to occupy myself or help?

Thank you for reading my story.

[LadyMarchHare]

Well, you have every right to be insecure. The guy cheated on you 3 times in a short span of time. Also, I'm not sure what his ADHD has to do with the subject. It's not an excuse for anything, especially if he's not getting help for it.

I think you guys need a big sit down one weekend. Talk about compromises you guys could make in terms of how he pays attention to you, when, and just how much. Set up a small timeframe on a certain day you guys could talk without any distractions if you can or find a game online you two could get involved in to bond a bit. As for his temper, that needs to be pointed out and worked on but only he can work on it. If he can't, tell him to seek either anger management or counseling. If he won't do that, put your foot down over and over because it affects the both of you and you have a say in how you're treated. You don't like his temper, it hurts you, so the least he can do if he cares about you is read a self-help book.

But, it sounds to me like you're a little clingy, which some people just are regardless of age. If you have friends, go hang with them when he's out. Figure out stuff you like to do whether it's read or whatnot and either volunteer somewhere or pick up a hobby to pass the time. Do something for yourself and don't worry about him for a few hours, he's not your lifeblood and he isn't going to pull the plug on your relationship if you gain some independence. Good luck.

[squiddie]

If you're on the phone 3-4 hours a day, I do think you are probably getting enough attention...it's a lot more than most of us here get. Yes, it's a step down from what you're used to, but that's easy to work on.

What do you do when school ends each day? Would it be possible for you to get involved with activities at your school? Most clubs are willing to take new members at any point during the year, or an athletic team may need a manager to keep track of scores and make sure the equipment is in good shape.

Volunteer somewhere, a soup kitchen, the library, a local shelter (animal, women, etc). It will give you things to do.

Or hey, it's getting near the holidays...a lot of stores often hire extra help for the winter holiday rush, and if you do well, they may keep you on after the new year.

If you call and he doesn't answer, let it go. Would you want him calling you incessantly when you're hanging out with your friends? Even close-distance relationships need their alone time. Again, this will take practice, and self-restraint, but he'll appreciate you laying off, and you'll feel better about yourself. I know trust is going to be a hard factor since there's been a cheating issue, but if you two want to make it work, the trust has to rebuild.

[Silviar]

After reading your post, I'm not sure what exactly you feel needs to be fixed. You spend plenty of time talking, and you get to see each other almost every weekend, so you also get quite a bit of face time.

It sounds like you want to work on your insecurity, reading between the lines. Only you can fix your self-confidence. Make sure you get out enough and spend time socializing with people you enjoy being with. Give yourself time to take care of yourself, whether it's painting your nails or taking a bubble bath. Working out is a great stress reliever/endorphin rush.

If his inattention during times is being difficult, then he should look at medication or having his medication adjusted. It will help significantly. If he wants to yell at you, you can't make him change. All you can do is be an adult about the situation, calmly tell him that you're not going to fight and you want to discuss, and if he hangs up, then go do something else. Give yourself more hobbies/more hobby time, or volunteer.

Relationships can't have a bandaid applied to them; things can only be compromised and worked on if both parties are in agreement. Otherwise, you have to live with the way things are and decide if you can accept it, or it's a dealbreaker.

[true_survivor_586]

If him being social bothers you, then you be social. I think you want his attention cause when he is with his friends you know you wont get it and ur just kinda sittin there letting ur mind go crazy, and since he was unfaithfull ur mind is going EXTRA crazy.
i agree with a lot of what others have said so far, get out of the house, part time job, something with school, just hangning out with friends ya know? if your talking 3-4 hours a day that is a LOT, you can try couples councling, a lot of churches offer it in my area for couples young and old, if you think the problem is with both of you why not?