LDR Girlfriend won't show me any affection

[Dilinki]

Hello folks,

I came to this wonderful website searching for an answer to my problem(topic name). I couldn't find an answer so i decided to post it good and proper.

So we've been going out now for 5 months, will be 6 in 2 weeks. We last saw each other from the 8th to 12th of this month. She stayed at my place.

Anyway. ever since she went back home up until now she has been acting cold, has little patience for me and won't return any affection, show any affection or even say i love you. Now clearly something is up. I only seek to understand what's going on.

I've asked her about this and she doesn't know why she's acting this way, she has made it clear that she still loves me, and that it's not by my own doing.

I'm a little tired right now so i may have missed more details, I'll be happy to answer any questions or to clarify any details.

Thank you in advance.

[LadyMarchHare]

If it's been since after the visit, she may still be recovering from withdrawal, which is a common reaction when you go back home. Chances are she just misses you and it's making her distant and depressed. You could ask her if that's the case or she feels it could be that, but in the end she has to wade it out and just know that you're still there at the end of the day even if she's giving a bit of a cold shoulder.

[Darth_Taco]

How often do you see each other? It seems she's having a hard time adjusting back to being away from you. Have you spoken to her about how she's been acting lately. She's probably not aware she's doing it.

[Dilinki]

If it's been since after the visit, she may still be recovering from withdrawal, which is a common reaction when you go back home. Chances are she just misses you and it's making her distant and depressed. You could ask her if that's the case or she feels it could be that, but in the end she has to wade it out and just know that you're still there at the end of the day even if she's giving a bit of a cold shoulder.

Yeah it's what i've been doing, keeping up my own side of affection. I just got worried because it's never lasted this long. I know it's common with her whenever we part ways after seeing each other, but it only lasts a few days.

How often do you see each other? It seems she's having a hard time adjusting back to being away from you. Have you spoken to her about how she's been acting lately. She's probably not aware she's doing it.

We see each other every 2 weeks or so. Yes I've brought this to her attention many times this week, but she doesn't know why she's acting this way, i pushed it hard the other night, but it still got nowhere

[Karringtyn]

We see each other every 2 weeks or so. Yes I've brought this to her attention many times this week, but she doesn't know why she's acting this way, i pushed it hard the other night, but it still got nowhere

So you have spoken to her and she doesn't know why she is acting a certain way? Sometimes we act certain ways...it's how we cope/deal...."pushing hard" as you put it won't certainly result in anything if she doesn't even know why she is acting that way...give her time/space....to figure things out...

[Dilinki]

So you have spoken to her and she doesn't know why she is acting a certain way? Sometimes we act certain ways...it's how we cope/deal...."pushing hard" as you put it won't certainly result in anything if she doesn't even know why she is acting that way...give her time/space....to figure things out...

Mmk it's what i decided to do the other night anyway, any other theories possibly?

[Bluestars]

Honestly, the best theory is the one that people have mentioned. Another one would be that she is having doubts about your relationship and is trying to figure things out. Not an ideal theory, but it could be a possibility. The one about her having a hard time adjusting to the distance again sounds like it could be it though. I sometimes act weird and distant as well after our visits. Just give her space like others have said and she will talk to you eventually.

[Dilinki]

Well thank you folks, I'll stay on my current path and give the space she needs, I'm glad i found this community though. I think i'll stick around for awhile. I already bought those nifty bracelets.

[London-FortCollins]

Is it possible something may have changed?

I hate suggesting it and I really hope I am wrong but I get the feeling your wanting someone to confirm what you dont want to think might be happening?

That since your visit something in your relationship has changed, perhaps her feelings towards you?

Honestly I REALLY REALLY hope this isnt the case. I'm only saying it because I think its something you want someone to suggest?

As other's mentioned it could very easily be how the distance is affecting her. I personally see the reaction when people get home from their SO's as a lesser form of grief.

When I came back from my SO for 3 months I had no appetite, I forced myself to eat so I didnt get ill. My sleep was way off swinging from exhausted and not getting out of bed to being awake for 24 hours straight thinking about nothing in particular. I pushed friends away...relationships that have lasted 9years that even now have not been resolved because they didnt (and refuse to....but thats another discussion) understand what I was going through.

And my SO did bare the front of some of it. I got overly upset about a simple meeting with his ex and a number of other things.

But time, as always, is the best healer and with time the distance became, well not easier, but more bearable again. But it took me a few weeks to get there.

As Karryngtyn said you probably should give her some space but at the same time make sure she knows your still there for her. Little messages like "I'm here for you. I hope you feel able to talk soon. I'll be here to listen when you are." will make a big difference...but try not to bombard her with those.

HUGE hugs. I really hope you manage to get it sorted.

[Dilinki]

Is it possible something may have changed?

I hate suggesting it and I really hope I am wrong but I get the feeling your wanting someone to confirm what you dont want to think might be happening?

That since your visit something in your relationship has changed, perhaps her feelings towards you?

Honestly I REALLY REALLY hope this isnt the case. I'm only saying it because I think its something you want someone to suggest?

As other's mentioned it could very easily be how the distance is affecting her. I personally see the reaction when people get home from their SO's as a lesser form of grief.

When I came back from my SO for 3 months I had no appetite, I forced myself to eat so I didnt get ill. My sleep was way off swinging from exhausted and not getting out of bed to being awake for 24 hours straight thinking about nothing in particular. I pushed friends away...relationships that have lasted 9years that even now have not been resolved because they didnt (and refuse to....but thats another discussion) understand what I was going through.

And my SO did bare the front of some of it. I got overly upset about a simple meeting with his ex and a number of other things.

But time, as always, is the best healer and with time the distance became, well not easier, but more bearable again. But it took me a few weeks to get there.

As Karryngtyn said you probably should give her some space but at the same time make sure she knows your still there for her. Little messages like "I'm here for you. I hope you feel able to talk soon. I'll be here to listen when you are." will make a big difference...but try not to bombard her with those.

HUGE hugs. I really hope you manage to get it sorted.

Well tbh our last time together was the first time we had sex together, and a day or two after she got back during random conversation she was like I want your babies. It took me a few moments to get back from reeling from that comment. But i brushed it off saying" hahaha maybe in 5 or so years" to which she responded "definitely not he answer i was expecting" and went on to say that she expected me to say "uhhhhhh". That event came to me today when i was thinking about the whole thing, think it could have been the spring board so to speak?

[LadyMarchHare]

I honestly don't think that was the trigger. In all honesty it sounds like she was expecting to shock you, regardless of if she was serious. But I don't think you telling her '5 years or so' is any prompt for a cold shoulder. It's not like you said you never wanted kids and even THAT response is not something to be so cold about.