Faking It?

[sabby64]

A bit of a story here...

Me and Brandon had a fight today when we were playing Halo because I asked him if he could stop complaining about something because it was ruining the mood of the night and as always he comes back with a snippy sarcastic remark about how he just won't talk at all and I got abit miffed about that and then he hung up on me. We continued playing online but suddenly I got a text from him saying: "So much for best boyfriend in the world." and it made me so mad that I just turned off my Xbox and did something else instead of getting frustrated about it.

He called about 10 minutes later asking why I left the game and I told him that the text really hurt me and he didn't understand why. I couldn't really explain it, and then out of nowhere he said: "I just don't feel very awesome, I mean, you say it so often that it sounds like you're trying to reassure yourself or something." That really hurt. He thinks that I'm saying that he's the best or that I love him to reassure myself that I do, and just that he questioned my motives for saying it made me really sad. He told me he doesn't question them, but the fact that he brought it up with no help from me made it clear that he does, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

I don't even really know what the problem actually is. Like always he just dropped it and went back to normal. I don't want to bring it up again and start another fight, so I just want to see if you guys know what's going on in his brain, and how I can do something about it.

[Caitlin2009]

if its still bothering you then bring it up and talk about it until its solved, sounds like he's having a little self asteem issue that he needs to talk out to feel better

[LadyMarchHare]

Unfortunately we can't know what he's thinking any more than you can. We can merely guess and give advice.

Like Caitlin said, it sounds like a self esteem issue and probably a miscommunication problem. Your fussing probably hurt him and so he felt like he screwed up by just wanting to vent, which regardless of the mood I think you should've let him let it out, it probably would have made him feel better in the end. That aside, he got his feelings hurt and expressed them not knowing it would hurt you as well. I doubt he honest to God believes you say "I love you" and all that purely to reassure yourself as that honestly makes no sense. This is a subject that can't sit on the back burner. Ask him what he was feeling when he sent that text, then tell him how it made you feel and why. Talk it out as soon as you guys can handle it without spitting fire at one another because I think it's really just you two making a mountain out of a molehill because there's a lack of solid knowledge on what's going on with the other one.

[Silviar]

He sounds very insecure. Guys when they're insecure tend to say dickish things, then bury them and act like everything's allright. My guy when he gets upset will sometimes snap and then go very quiet. It's his way of dealing with his problems, and your SO's way it sounds like is to lash out and then either bury it or get over it (I can't be sure which because I can't hear/see him, obviously).

You can't make him believe that you're telling the truth, but I would sit, without games or other distractions, and have a video chat to explain to him that you compliment him out of sincerity, and it has nothing to do with convincing yourself. Use "I" statements to discuss his reactions, try to avoid 'you' so he doesn't get defensive. Here are a couple of good articles with tips on how to argue fairly so you both can get through this discussion easier:

https://www.georgetowncollege.edu/St...ationships.htm

https://www.twoofus.org/educational-...tly/index.aspx

That Twoofus.org is a pretty good site.

Good luck!

[Karringtyn]

He doesn't believe himself that he is that great of a boyfriend and when you say it...he has a hard time believing YOU because he doesn't believe it himself. It is about him and his self-esteem issues.

Talk about it. Burying it down...will do NO good.

[sabby64]

Okay I asked about it and he promises that he has no big self esteem issues. He says he's just been feeling really down lately because of all of his schoolwork and his exams and final project and how he hasn't been getting the best grades lately, and how he just wants to be here with me already... He apologized for saying what he did, and blames it all on having a bad day at school. He didn't want to talk much about it, but it was enough for me to get what he meant.

He says he doesn't have any issues, but I know he's been feeling pretty depressed lately. He's going to be here on Wednesday, and I was wondering if you guys had any ideas of something special I can do to show him that I believe that he can finish his project, do a great job at it and graduate this Christmas!! I want to help boost his confidence, because lately he's been pretty bummed about it. Any ideas?

[LadyMarchHare]

Maybe when you go to meet him, get some pompoms and do a little cheer for him, telling him he can do it and you'll be his own personal cheerleader? Kinda cheesy but sometimes those sorts of things work in these times.

[Caitlin2009]

Okay I asked about it and he promises that he has no big self esteem issues. He says he's just been feeling really down lately because of all of his schoolwork and his exams and final project and how he hasn't been getting the best grades lately, and how he just wants to be here with me already... He apologized for saying what he did, and blames it all on having a bad day at school. He didn't want to talk much about it, but it was enough for me to get what he meant.

He says he doesn't have any issues, but I know he's been feeling pretty depressed lately. He's going to be here on Wednesday, and I was wondering if you guys had any ideas of something special I can do to show him that I believe that he can finish his project, do a great job at it and graduate this Christmas!! I want to help boost his confidence, because lately he's been pretty bummed about it. Any ideas?

like a guy would ever admit he does have a self esteem issue it sounds like he does a little bit, as for boosting his confidance hmmm write out a note for him a day before he comes to see you, but dont give it to him until after you take him on a romantic dinner and after a little walk around somewhere then give it to him

Maybe when you go to meet him, get some pompoms and do a little cheer for him, telling him he can do it and you'll be his own personal cheerleader? Kinda cheesy but sometimes those sorts of things work in these times.

heh thats a cute idea

[JDouglas]

I agree with what's been said about talking it out with him. Communication is SO important in a LDR. Well, in any relationship really. Sometimes you think that you'd rather not talk about it anymore, in fear of stirring up another fight or whatever, but in my experience you HAVE to talk about it until both of you feel better. There's just no other way, burying the feelings won't make them disappear. So clear your schedule and make the time to sit down with him and tell him how you really feel, straight from the heart.