Before you became "official"

[BrittBlaz]

Just wondering if there are any couples out there who found out their SO was flirting or talking to another boy/girl while they were still talking to you but before you became official with your SO. If so...

Did they tell you right away or did they hide it?

Did you find out on your own or did they tell you themselves?

How long into the relationship was it before you found out?

We're you "together" with your SO while it was happening?

How did you get past it and cope with it?

[Bluestars]

I am only answering this because I guess I was the one who was talking (in a way) to a person or two before we became official. We flirted a bit and the guy would text message me a lot. However, I eventually told the guy that I had feelings for someone else because I realized that I truly cared for my current SO, but at the time I thought that we didn't have a chance of being together, so that made things more complicated. Before that, around the first month that we started talking, I was also talking to another guy online who was sort of into me. At the time, my SO was giving me mixed signals and told me that I should date other people because of our distance, so I started talking to other people to spite him in a way. I never hid any of it from my SO, but he would get jealous when I mentioned it. However, he was having problems committing, and I have told him before that if he hadn't of asked me out when he did, I probably would have found someone else because I wasn't going to wait around forever. However, I stopped talking to the other guy too after we got a bit more serious.

That being said....if I found out that he was talking to someone else during our "I like you; I like you too" phase, I would be extremely upset. If I was in that situation, we would have to have a serious talk because it would feel like a betrayal. It would be possible to move on, but we would have to come to some kind of new agreement. When you are not official though, these kinds of things can happen....

[sabby64]

Kind of, but it's the other way around for me...

Um, well, the day me and Brandon met, before we even talked to eachother, I ended up going home with another guy named Michael and we made out, but we were both drunk and stuff, and we both decided with was only for fun, so there was no actual feeling in it. We hung out for a few days and stuff, but nothing else happened. The first time Brandon texted me, the day before we started going out, he actually asked if there was anything going on between me and Michael, and since it was a one time thing and meant nothing I said no, because it was nothing to me.

After I left for school 3 weeks later, Brandon went out with the guys for a guys night, and Michael ended up telling everyone we made out and bragging about it, even though he knew me and Brandon were dating, and apparently everyone had been referring to me as his ex without my knowing. Brandon got really upset about it, even though it was before we started going out and way before we started even talking. He asked why I didn't tell him and I said because it wasn't anything big or serious and in all honesty it didn't even occur to me as something that was worth bringing up. I got mad and asked Michael why he did that and he said he didn't really have any good answer, so I assume it was just to bug Brandon since they didn't really get along. I tried to explain myself and Brandon ended up dropping the subject and saying it was fine, but I know it probably still bothers him to this day :P I still don't understand what the big deal is, it was before we were going out and so I don't get why it bothers him so much.

[noodle]

My SO told me everything what was going on, on his side. I did as well but once we both fell in love I committed myself to him automatically, so other guys had no chance
Back than, when we started falling in love, he had a girlfriend so it was pretty difficult for me readin his facebook statuses or having him tell me that he's goin out with her etc.
He first broke up with her than a month later got back together but it didnt work longer than a month. And it was difficult for me. Don't ask me how I made it through ^^
Another month later he started datin another girl and even slept with her (daily >_>). He told me everything (from how they hang out, are silly together, to how they lasted for 2-3hrs doin you know what lol). And that was hardcore horrible. Usually it would break me apart but I wanted him and I sorta kinda got aggressive sayin "He will be MINE!" lol
I was cold at that time, mean and I bet I hurt him with the way I talked to him.
He always said tho that he wished I was her and that he regrets sleepin with her (he lost his virginity to her).
Since we've dated there have been a few girls he couldve made out with and so on (he told me the girls wanted to) but he always blocked and said that he is happily taken to his future wife

Some people would probably say he was just playin with me but I doubt so.
I've let him make his experiences that he needed to notice if I was really the one for him and if he was ready for a LDR.
And seems like it was the right thing to do

[squiddie]

Actually, I was the one talking, and to one of his good friends at that (who was also talking to about 3 girls at the same time)...I wasn't really interested in having a boyfriend at the time, I was still dealing with a breakup that had gotten really messy, AND with some unwanted attention from another friend of mine.

Did they tell you right away or did they hide it?
I didn't tell him *right* away...he knew I had talked to a friend of his for a while. And I did tell him about the drama I was dealing with, as a friend of mine was trying to get me to be with him, and I didn't want that. Because, while he was my friend, I didn't like how he treated his girlfriends. (Not that he didn't treat them well, it just always felt very patronizing to me...I'm a lot more independent and strong-willed than other girls he dated)

Did you find out on your own or did they tell you themselves?
He knew about his friend on his own, but I did tell him about the other drama, because my friend kept calling me when I was with him.

How long into the relationship was it before you found out?

As I said, he knew about his friend before we really started even talking, and I told him about the deal with my friend before we were official.

We're you "together" with your SO while it was happening?
We had started seeing each other, but nothing official.

How did you get past it and cope with it?
Well, his friend started dating another girl (they're still together), so that ended that half. As for the stuff with my friend...he finally let up. It took a while, including a few times with me firmly stating to him that I was not interested.

[Caitlin2009]

Did they tell you right away or did they hide it?

well at the time we werent official so she didnt have the right to tell me anything

Did you find out on your own or did they tell you themselves?

she told me

How long into the relationship was it before you found out?

a few months into it

We're you "together" with your SO while it was happening?

sorta.....at that moment we only told each other that we had crushes on one another

How did you get past it and cope with it?

i was a bit pissy for the day but after awhile it didnt bother me

[Rosebud]

You know, I never even thought about mentioning it to my SO that I was flirting with another boy before we became official. I mean...we weren't official, we weren't even dating, we just friends so it never occured to me that this was something 'wrong'? When I began flirting with my SO, yes, I was flirting with another boy I'd known since high school who I had an odd sort of friendship with and I'd went on a couple dates with him. I do count going on dates different as dating as I was not at this time officially in a relationship with either of them so I don't see the harm. When my SO did ask if we could become an official couple I stopped dating the other boy. To be honest, given how odd our friendship was to begin with, I haven't really spoken to him too much since then.

I don't see any reason to have to tell my SO this. It's not like I cheated on him and why potentially stir up bad or hurt feelings over a guy I don't even talk to anymore?

[Caidsys]

Reese and I were actually both dating different people when we met and shortly after my ex girlfriend broke up with me I wasn't at all interested in dating or flirting for that matter except with him and I didn't even realize I was flirting until I realized he was flirting back despite being with someone else.

We would joke around about getting married in frilly aprons and were always saying how we loved eachother's unusual quirks that our SO's were annoyed by. He's no longer with the person he was with when we first met (Obviously since we're official now. :P) , but they're still friends and it does at times kind of irk me that they are but I seem to be getting over that. He spent all weekend with his ex and a bunch of other friends and I haven't felt at all bothered which is a lot more then I could say before.

[squiddie]

I don't see any reason to have to tell my SO this. It's not like I cheated on him and why potentially stir up bad or hurt feelings over a guy I don't even talk to anymore?

That's how I feel about it. This was all going on before Penn and I were together, I didn't develop any romantic feelings for either of the guys I was talking to before we started dating. The only reason he knows about them is because he remembers it happening. There's no reason why any of this should matter--it was before we were together.

[blankita719]

I was sort of talking to some one right before my SO came down to visit me, but he was only coming down as my friend, so I hadn't mentioned it to him before he came down. Right after he got here, I sent the other guy a message telling him that my circumstances had changed, but we got along really well so he and I have remained friends. My SO knew I was on other dating sites but I haven't specified who I was talking to before he came down. I don't think it matters as it never went anywhere past talking.

He had not dated anyone in awhile, but I don't think I would have been bothered if there had been some one, as at the time I really didn't think we'd be together

[Zephii]

Did they tell you right away or did they hide it?
I always knew that until I physically got to Canada to stake my claim and go official, Obi would continue to search for someone who could replace me and would take "substitutes" in for comfort. It was just how it was..

Did you find out on your own or did they tell you themselves?
He told me. Although, the extent of his, uh, searching I found out on my own by accident.

How long into the relationship was it before you found out?
A week. He didn't hide anything, he just didn't go out of his way to tell me either.

We're you "together" with your SO while it was happening?
No, that'd be cheating. We were very emotionally involved, and very sexual as well, but we hadn't gotten to the "I'm yours/your mine" stage yet.

How did you get past it and cope with it?
Logic. I knew why being with me wasn't ideal, and I understood why he wanted to explore his sexuality and seek physical comfort. And as he was only my friend at the time, I had no claim on him, I knew he hadn't done anything wrong as much as I wished things were otherwise.

[Kika]

I was seeing one guy, let's call him A, 2 months before I went out with my SO. I had a nice romantic time with A, he liked me, but we never even kissed (even though I slept at his place a few times). He didnt want to commit as he was graduating from his university and moving back home. I stayed in touch with A for whole two months, he never talked about relationship but he had a vivid imagination about our sexual life - no guys, this doens't work on girls... The day before I went out with my SO I told A that it doesn't make sense to stay in touch as he doesn't want to commit... he didn't reply.

I never told my SO because there was no need. I didn't cheat on him and never will. I didn't ask about his romantic moments with the other girls in his past either, it's like expecting someone not to kiss or flirt with anyone before he/she meets you. This guy, A, later realised he still liked me and started to text me again, I made it clear that I don't want anything with him, I even told him I am dating someone, he obviously doesn't care. My SO still doesn't know, I don't want to hurt him because of A, but if he ever asked, I would tell him the truth and if he asked me to delete A from my friends, I would. I don't care about A anymore and my SO is the last person I want to hurt.

[Rugger]

Did they tell you right away or did they hide it?
I didn't tell him right away. I'd been seeing someone else casually when I met him. But Once T and I started talking and hanging out, I dropped the other boy (Who stopped talking to me because he's still not very happy with that fact). He knows now.

Did you find out on your own or did they tell you themselves?
I told him.

How long into the relationship was it before you found out?
I told him as soon as we were official.

We're you "together" with your SO while it was happening?
No, we were not together, we had just met.

How did you get past it and cope with it?
He doesn't even care because I dropped the kid as quickly as I did to devote myself to bagging him.

[xMesmerize124]

Did they tell you right away or did they hide it?
He told me right away, but i didn't really care since at that time i was unsure how i felt about him

How long into the relationship was it before you found out?
We weren't together when i found this out but we were close to it

We're you "together" with your SO while it was happening?
I hope not haha but he has reassured me he told the girl he is in a relationship now, so she shouldn't try to contact him anymore

How did you get past it and cope with it?
It was pretty easy to get past it, since he pretty much chose me over her. So it made me realize he was very much interested in me