I admit it, I am so selfish!

[My Hearts in Kentucky]

And it is ruining my LDR.
Please anyone tell me tips to help me not be so selfish!

[Karringtyn]

Can you be a little more specific in the ways you are being selfish?

[My Hearts in Kentucky]

Like I am always wanting him to be talking to me like today he went to work out and I just kept callin and callin and callin and it pissed him off and then we talked and we just cried and he said i have one more chance until its done.

[Silviar]

What I would ask yourself is what is at the root of you doing these things. Is it really selfishness, or is it insecurity? Or perhaps you want more time together and feel like you're not getting it. I would suggest figuring out the root of the problem first and then tackling it.

[My Hearts in Kentucky]

What exactly is insecurity again?

[garnet]

Thats hard, because it gets so lonely, and frustrating when all you want to do is spend some time with your SO, but they've got things going on that take up their time.

I think the best thing for you, is to find something to get your mind focused on something else. A new hobby, go window shopping, make something, make HIM something, get into a new tv series and download it, volunteer, just anything that takes the fixation off of him for a bit. Many guys seem to like a little hunt, a little challenge. If you weren't always available to him, he may see this as more appealing (and less frustrating).

Keeping up our own real lives is easier said than done when we are so caught up in missing out SO. But it's healthier for both of you, and for the relationship if you can do it, you know? Getting a workout in isn't bad, so try to let him have the space he needs, he'll likely miss you and love you for it.

I had a tendency to be bad about this sometimes too. I didn't call, but I'd get so sad and just overwhelmed by the lonely when he had to leave our time together for something else. I really had to make an effort to turn his time away into my time away too. Gave us more to talk about though, and tended to make me feel better when I was busy too.

Good luck to you guys! You can get through this!

[Bluestars]

According to https://www.thefreedictionary.com/insecure:

1. Not sure or certain; doubtful: unemployed and facing an insecure future.
2. Inadequately guarded or protected;
3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady: an insecure foothold.
4.
a. Lacking stability; troubled: an insecure relationship.
b. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety: had always felt insecure at parties.


In all honesty, that does not sound selfish, but more clingy and insecure (I can be clingy and insecure sometimes as well though, so I am not trying to be mean). I have a question for you. Did your boyfriend tell you that he was going to work out and you still continued to call him after he told you, or did he not answer the phone and you called him over and over again? Those are very different situations.

My boyfriend has done the first one to me, and I told him straight up I would not put up with it because it is disrespectful, immature, and ignores my personal boundaries. For instance, I would be visiting my family and he would call and I told him I was busy. Then he proceeded to call me again and again. It was so embarrassing because my mom was like, "Why is he calling again." I ended up putting my phone on silent and then he got mad at me for doing that. We had a very big discussion after that where I basically told him he could never do that again. He actually did it one more time and when I about bit his head off he finally got the picture.....

Whichever one it is though, Silviar is right that you need to find the root of the problem because if you do not change your behavior, your relationship will be in danger. Once you figure out what is wrong, then you can talk to your SO about it.

On a side note, I have gotten really upset when my SO hung out with friends instead of me. Everyone must have a life of their own, so it is not fair to be like that. I am a lot better about it now though because I learned to realize when I was being irrational and then I make myself do something else to take my mind off of it. Like Garnet said, keeping yourself busy is the best way not to act like this.

[My Hearts in Kentucky]

Thank you so much
and I saw your signature, congrats on the pregnancy!

[My Hearts in Kentucky]

Thank you bluestars

[garnet]

Thank you so much
and I saw your signature, congrats on the pregnancy!

Most welcome! And thank you!

[LadyMarchHare]

Along with insecurity, you may also have a co-dependency problem when it comes to him. People who are co-dependent are, as the problem suggests, very dependent and clingy and absolutely NEED other people or one person, need their attention or they go bonkers. It often goes hand in hand with insecurity. Maybe get some self help books from the bookstore and flip through them, see if any of it rings a bell.

Practice self control, too. If you see yourself reaching for that phone to dial his number, put the phone away. If you go to dial a second time when he doesn't answer, put it away. Just leave a short message on his phone to call you when it's convenient for him if you catch the answering service. If you feel you need his attention, ask yourself 'why' and try to come up with 5 answers that aren't 'I miss him'. It's hard to do, but not impossible and you've already made the leap by realizing you need the help.

[paulawriteslove]

I am so clingy and always want to talk to my boyfriend too! But sometimes I need to get my mind off of him and let him work or hang out with friends, without me calling or complaining. I either hangout with some friends or just get on the forums and stuff Best of luck!