The male brain

[Bluestars]

I read this article and thought it was worth sharing: Five ways to understand him better

I was not really sure where to post it, but I put it here since it has info relevant to all relationships, especially dealing with communication and whatnot.

I found the one about lulls in conversation the most interesting. Most of the time we talk on the phone, I am the one that leads our conversation. I always thought that was because he is more quiet, not because his brain has a thinner outer layer of the outer cortex related to language

[LadyMarchHare]

I actually knew all those things but that's because I've had tons of guy friends over the years. My SO once remarked on the conversation differences between men and women when I mentioned a gaggle of girls talking incessantly. He told me you can put a bunch of women in a room and chances are they'll have something to talk about without needing a TV or radio on. Put a bunch of guys in a room and they stare at each other and make awkward conversation akin to "football's good." "Yup." "Mmhmm." And I can't believe how many times I've stressed the "men don't take hints" thing. It's like trying to get them to mind read. Our brains work differently, we see details, more colors in the spectrum, etc and guys like to problem solve and see the whole picture. Leaving tiny hints are gonna go right over their heads and out the window.

Enough with my rambling. Great find!

[paulawriteslove]

That's a very interesting article. Thank you so much for sharing!!!!!!!!

[Bølle]

I always thought that was because he is more quiet, not because his brain has a thinner outer layer of the outer cortex related to language

I will DEFINITELY be using that as an excuse sometime in the future :P

[DarkSolitary]

I found the lulls in conversations and the memory part interesting. Although for me personally I don't find myself to be verbally adept... ._.; I can't make random conversation for nothing. Whenever me and my boyfriend have phone conversations (which is rare... I'm not really a "talking on the phone" kind of person and the service sucks at my house) its always like this: Carlos- "So..." Me: *awkward laugh* Carlos- "..." Me- "..."

[LadyMarchHare]

I found the lulls in conversations and the memory part interesting. Although for me personally I don't find myself to be verbally adept... ._.; I can't make random conversation for nothing. Whenever me and my boyfriend have phone conversations (which is rare... I'm not really a "talking on the phone" kind of person and the service sucks at my house) its always like this: Carlos- "So..." Me: *awkward laugh* Carlos- "..." Me- "..."

That's different, though. Some people are shy/socially awkward/etc. I know I'm one of them and it's hard for me to walk up to someone and initiate conversation.

[archangel]

Am I the only guy who see that like saying that all guys are the same and yes I do realize that there are articles and books out there for guys to understand girls better.
Personally I disagree with all 5 points it mentions...
#1) I have never forgot a single thing my gal told me PLUS I was always reminded her about our upcoming anniversary.
#2)There is a different between "hints" and calling your guy a idiot. Everyone has there own way of doing things, and yes some may or may not give hints all together... but it is more over if he feels comfortable speaking his mind. Why I mention this? All because there are people (guys and girls) out in this world who are absolutely heartless.
#3) Apparently "Lulls" to them mean that any silences mean he can't think period. Really? How many couples are there out there that can talk 24/7/365? Everyone even girls prefer silence since it gives them a chance to think of what they want to say to keep the conversation rolling instead of having them ranting on about something knowing that your guy can't respond back.
$4)Up beat eh? I have to totally disagree. Also about that stat that less guys suffer from depression. You you realize that guys (going back to point 2) sometimes don't want to say what is on his mind, since he doesn't know how others will judge him. So it is more like less cases are reported in guys than girls. And explain to me this... how come male suicide rate is more than women?
#5)This one really bugs me. Its like saying, "Oh your dream of a wonderful life with me isn't possible because I can't meet your standards". Come on now! Each and everyone relationship is unique and everyone has dreams they want to have someday. So alright, the finer details us guys may forgot... well, if someone where to remember every single little wee thing aren't they going to lose sight of the bigger picture? Also didn't we create something for that.... what was it called again? A CAMERA!

For those wondering I am against sexism and stereotyping, and that article contains both.

[Rusty]

Archangel, I have to say that I read that and just thought "well that doesn't really apply to me, or a lot of guys I know". While the research it draws on may be solid, it does feel like it utilises it just to reinforce some negative stereotypes. Now I'm sure there are guys out there who do conform to the stereotypical man mentioned in this article - but there are also a lot who don't.

If I can draw on LadyMarchHare for an example:

He told me you can put a bunch of women in a room and chances are they'll have something to talk about without needing a TV or radio on. Put a bunch of guys in a room and they stare at each other and make awkward conversation akin to "football's good." "Yup." "Mmhmm."

I don't doubt that's true for some guys, and seemingly the ones LadyMarchHare knows. But I also know that if you put me and my male friends together in a room with nothing in it, then it's hard to shut us up.

On the other hand, if a woman reads this and DOES recognise her guy in it - then it may prove helpful to her understanding why, rather than worrying over "he just doesn't love me as much as he says" and so forth. It's just unfortunate that it implies ALL men to be somewhat emotionally clueless lumps.

[mllebamako]

Personally, I really liked this article. Of course this doesn't apply to all men but, on average, I would agree with the 5 points they make. But of course some points apply to some men which others don't at all.
My SO has a really great memory about when we first met and various things in the past. But he is definitely not as verbally adept and I am usually the one leading our conversations. And he definitely rolls with the punches more than I do.
I don't think that this article is saying all men are clueless losers. I think it just is pointing out the differences in how men and women act and think and it's important to remember these when dealing with the opposite sex.

[squiddie]

I'm always sort of skeptical of these sorts of articles. Yes, they're choosing a representative population, and there's always going to be differences and exceptions...and while it was mildly interesting, I don't think I'm going to be taking any of it seriously or even bothering to keep it in mind.

[Andy]

For those wondering I am against sexism and stereotyping, and that article contains both.

On the other hand, if a woman reads this and DOES recognise her guy in it - then it may prove helpful to her understanding why, rather than worrying over "he just doesn't love me as much as he says" and so forth. It's just unfortunate that it implies ALL men to be somewhat emotionally clueless lumps.

I agree, it does come across as sexist. I don't doubt that if a male had written both articles (here's the one about understanding women better) rather than a female, then different points would've been made and women would've found it to be sexist.

I can't agree with any of the points made in that article, for me or my friends in general. Saying that, there's one or 2 of my friends who aren't very good at keeping conversations going, that apart though, I can disagree with the rest very easily.

And studies show that fewer men than women suffer from depression.

Studies also show that the biggest killer for men aged 13-25 is suicide. I'm not even sure her fact is true tbh. I don't think it would be if you split it into age groups.

Don't expect him to get hints? That's quite insulting I think. Unless you spell it out for us we're not going to get it? Bullshit.

If on your first date he can’t remember where you work, even though you told him all about it when you met, just remember that size matters… hippocampus size, that is. Don’t take it personally. (Oh, and don’t be surprised when, months down the line, he has no clue you’ve just changed your hair.)

Seriously? Lost for words. And it's not because my thin cortex is causing a lull in writing this post. That's unreal. What would the female equivalent be for that? Don't be surprised if she doesn't noticed you've changed your car? Or maybe don't be surprised when she does notice you've changed your car but also knows what horsepower it is because she caught a glimpse of it on Top Gear back in 2003 even though she was multi-tasking at the time yet as she's not a man she can remember the tiniest details and regurgitate them whenever required. Incredible.

Rusty made a great point but it seems he edited it out of his post. It was something along the lines of those articles suggest that women should accept that he's not as emotionally intelligent or quick to get things as you are, so bear with him. Whereas the sister article seems to suggest: Guys! Try harder for God sake! Make more effort!

That article would be more suitably titled 5 ways to understand Neanderthals better




Maybe there's some men that this applies to, but I've never met any of them.

Sorry if I've gone a bit over the top in places but it really does seem to be one rule for women, and quite another for men when it comes to sexism and stereotyping these days.

[Rusty]

Rusty made a great point but it seems he edited it out of his post. It was something along the lines of those articles suggest that women should accept that he's not as emotionally intelligent or quick to get things as you are, so bear with him. Whereas the sister article seems to suggest: Guys! Try harder for God sake! Make more effort!

Yeah, I editied it out - I felt it was a bit combative. I was thinking pretty much what you've written, and then thought 'perhaps not on what was probably intended to be a light-hearted thread'. I think you're probably right in saying it would probably be rather different if written by a man. And I do completely agree with:

Sorry if I've gone a bit over the top in places but it really does seem to be one rule for women, and quite another for men when it comes to sexism and stereotyping these days.

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't think the thread's meant to throw up sexism (which the article is borderline, I can agree to that, but most articles written about the opposite sex like that are with rice grains of truth here and there) but I can understand the frustrations brought up. Thing is, stereotypes get that way for a reason and while they certainly may not apply to the gentlemen here, I can say I've known some that fit those things to a T. But these are the same guys who can't get dates or hold relationships because they're off in their own worlds and read similar articles about women and shoes.

[mllebamako]

To me, this article was not negative and saying that these things make him bad person. It was more like...HEY guess what? Men and women have different strengths! Keep these in mind when you're dealing with men/women.
My fiance fits many of these things and I've never once thought of him as a neanderthal, an idiot or a bad guy.

[Rusty]

Oh, I have no doubt it wasn't remotely intended the way I've taken it, and the author would probably be shocked to find that people have reacted like that to what was meant to be a fun little article. But I just can't help feeling slightly insulted reading it.

I've read plenty of really positive articles talking about the same sort of thing, which follow the "men and women have different strengths" line, and actually highlight the strengths of the differences that men and women have. I just didn't feel like this article did that - it felt much more like it was saying "men don't have this, don't have that", the result being that it felt like it was saying we're just not as good. Except for the upbeat nature bit - whilst that is in there as a positive thing, I was puzzled by it. All I could think was "I don't know where she's getting that from - what about the suicide rates?"

Anyway... like I said, I'm sure this has probably rather derailed what was supposed to be a fun thread... whoops.