I hate my relationship.

[Elissa]

Seriously, I fucking hate it. All that my SO and I do now is fight. I get mad about every little thing she does, she gets mad about every little thing I do. We never talk about our problems anymore because she hangs up/logs off/ignores my texts when she gets ticked off. I hate it!!! I hate being with her!! Sometimes things are great and we're actually happy, but then something happens and we're back to fighting. I'm so miserable. I feel worthless. I know that I make my girlfriend feel the same way, which makes ME feel even more horrible. I love my girlfriend so much. But I'm honestly starting to wonder exactly what I see in her...
She can be the meanest person I have ever known, yet the sweetest. If that makes any sense. The distance is really getting to us and I just don't know what to do. I want to make this work, but I want to end it. I'm so confused. ANY advice is welcome!!!

[LadyMarchHare]

If it's that horrible, maybe a break is in order. That way you have time apart to gather just what about your SO and relationship you know needs fixing or if it can even be fixed. You can love someone and know it can't work and leave them, as bad as that sounds. But it really sounds like you two need a time out from one another for a week or two to chill out and cut the hostility. And if she's being "mean" then let her know because that can change, but only if they're willing. You shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for any reason, not even love.

[NikkiP]

Before I go off on my escapade, do you mind my asking how long you have been together?

[Èternity]

Any chance of a visit? I read your blog, sounds like you have a lot on your plate with the kids and your mom. Are your grandparents able to take the kids for a day so you can work on some stuff with your SO?

[Elissa]

We've been together for 9 months.
A visit won't be possible until June

[BrittBlaz]

I think that if she continues to block you out every time you have a fight then it isn't going to work in the long run. As long as both people are willing to work through their problems no matter how many or how big then that is the only way it can work. I have been fighting with my SO too about quite a lot lately...many different things. But the important part is that we don't go to bed angry at one another. I made that a rule from day 1 and I will take that rule with me to my grave. Any problem is solvable as long as you're willing to help on your end. Thankfully I have the best boyfriend in the world and not many men could talk about their feelings the way that he does so I have been truly blessed. If it weren't for his willingness to work through our differences then this just wouldn't work. My suggestion. Talk to her about this and tell her EXACTLY how you're feeling. If she can't respect your feelings then do you really want to be with her that bad?

[RyanJr]

unfortunately, sometimes.. Love isn't enough. it takes a lot more then just LOVE to make a relationship work. My girl and I have gone through a few patches like that..msot recently it has been kinda rough, but we've discovered new ways to rekindle some things. we found that we were missing FUN in our relationship. everything just grew into a routine. we wake up-text eachother-go to work/school-come home, eat dinner, do school work, be with family (texting in the meantime)-talk on the phone about our days, and whatever else..then bed. it became such a normal thing, we really lost what we had in the beginning. thanks to this site, doing a lot of fun things TOGETHER...it really really has helped. The distance does get to us, but we also just talk about our future..it always seems to put smiles on our faces and hope in our hearts.
I guess, what im saying--- Have fun together. figure out ways to still have fun with eachother despite the distance, hell have good phone sex! hahaha (just kidding, but ya never know!).. just laugh together, bring back that spark that made u 2 fall in love with eachother. don't focus on the bad and negative..focus on the good things you guys have and what you love about eachother. good luck!

[paulawriteslove]

You sound extremely unhappy. If you're ever unhappy then something needs to change.

[michy]

How a couple fights, and how a couple approaches and mutually resolves issues is a big indicator as to the health of a relationship. If there is not dialogue and respect and a mutual effort at resolution, then something is wrong. It doesn't necessarily mean that your relationship can't work... but it does mean that something essential is not working for you.

You say that you guys don't talk about your problems, that she gets mad/hangs up/logs off... try and see past the emotion involved and look at why that might be. It sounds like she feels it's not worth the effort to work out the issues. Is there anything you might be doing that might make her feel like she can't address things with you?
When these issues/arguments arise, make sure you're setting the tone for open and fair discussion- and make sure she knows you want to talk it out and are willing to show her respect. If she's still unable/unwilling to do the same for you in return, then that's a bigger issue than whatever the current argument is about. Neither one of you will get much out of the relationship if you are the only one investing in it.

Good luck- I hope you can encourage her to open up, and get through this together

[Darth_Taco]

What got me is that you automatically assumed that the distance was the problem. If she's running away from arguments while you're roughly 1,800 miles away, how far will she take it to avoid resolving fights in the same house? Distance is not you're problem, you two need to find a way to resolve your problems. Bring this up while you're not fighting. If she avoids it then, I'm sorry but it's time to get out of this relationship. Just because you love each other, it doesn't mean you should be together. Really think about what is going on, and make sure sh cooperates in helping the relationship work. It takes two to make any relationship work.

[LadyMarchHare]

What got me is that you automatically assumed that the distance was the problem. If she's running away from arguments while you're roughly 1,800 miles away, how far will she take it to avoid resolving fights in the same house? Distance is not you're problem, you two need to find a way to resolve your problems. Bring this up while you're not fighting. If she avoids it then, I'm sorry but it's time to get out of this relationship. Just because you love each other, it doesn't mean you should be together. Really think about what is going on, and make sure sh cooperates in helping the relationship work. It takes two to make any relationship work.

I agree 100%. Distance and the fact you haven't visited/met is NOT ALWAYS the reason. Actually it's kind of a scapegoat. Bad day? Distance. Gingavitis? Distance. Unable to hold a civil conversation? Distance. This girl sounds super super immature if she's running from the problems and plugging her fingers in her ears instead of trying to say "okay one of us screwed up here, let's see who and figure out why and how it can be fixed." And like I said before and as emphasized by another, you can love someone to the ends of the universe and even beyond and the relationship is still not gonna work. I mean look at the number of divorces that happen because the people do love each other, they just can't stand being in a relationship/around that person because it sparks fights.

Make a list if you have to. Write down things you argue about, write down your SO's faults, write down your own, write down what goes on BEFORE the fights. Then write the positive things like the good times you've had, the good things about your SO, etc. See which lists are longer, what can be changed, and if you can change them TOGETHER. Because really, coming here and screaming "I hate my relationship", well you might as well dump the chick and move on if you're that dadgum miserable, y'know? That's the mentality I'm seeing, at any rate.

[mllebamako]

There's not a lot left to be said here. Everyone has given you some stellar advice...

Relationships should not be this poisonous and hurtful

[Caitlin2009]

LDR's will only work if you communicate, hanging up the phone, ignoring texts, logging offline ect when you or your SO are pissed off is not the way to go if your doing all that and not communicating then maybe its time for a break sounds like you both could use one, me and Denise have this rule as well we dont do any of that if were angry although sometimes we maybe tempted to but we dont, it doesnt solve anything you gotta talk it out until its solved!

[Karringtyn]

Communciation. it's one thing to be frustrated....we all get frustrated....but then you do something about it. Unless your partner is willing to communicate....well....how will you ever work through it?

[ErikaCrane]

My relationship is like this to, We are so mean to each other, but at the end of the day you need to see if you will regret not being with her.