i mildly cheated. what do i do?!

[gsqueaker]

i have never done a ldr before. i have been in one for two months now and we r very much in love. i would never want to do anything to hurt him. when we do see each other, which is every two months, we have a great time. except for one problem, we cuddle and what not, but he isn't very physical. i try to not let it bother me, but i just dont know what to do. a week ago, i started flirting with this other guy and it led to making out. i know why i did it, but i feel like a horrible person. i understand that, on some level, i AM a horrible person..... help?

[Nicole.Denn]

i know why i did it,

these reasons could tell you if you should still be with your SO...can you share the reasons? or are they too personal?

[Laura024]

The best thing to do is to come clean about the cheating. It seems like the underlying reason was because something is missing in your relationship: the physical intimacy you desire. If your guy decides to forgive you, you'll definitely need to discuss your needs to him so you can work together to satisfy them. Communication is key! And the timing of when you bring up issues matters, because things like this can happen.

[LadyMarchHare]

Nicole: I think they mean because of the lack of physical intimacy.

Have you ever talked to your SO about his not meeting your needs? He may not be ready or comfortable and as much as you wanna squirm in your seat, if you love him you'd find a way to cope, not 'mildly cheat'. Have you even told your SO what you did? If not, you need to, that's the first step into bringing out WHY you did it and what you BOTH can do to solve it. And that's if he stays with you or can trust you, which honestly if I found out my SO made out with someone because I was unaware I wasn't meeting their needs and wants as far as intimacy, it'd take some good ol' fashioned groveling for me to keep him. But, that's me. I don't know your SO or how he is.

You can't ever assume they know what you want, you have to be assertive. If you have trouble doing that, read up on it, get self-help books, etc. No one can read minds and not everyone's on the same page as far as what they're ready to do and when. And like I said, if you love them, you'd learn to wait and just grin and bear it.

[paulawriteslove]

I think that you should talk to your SO and tell him how you're feeling and the reason why you did what you did. He may not want to be very physical because he isn't ready and wants you to be patient or something. Best of luck!

[Dauntedpoet]

I agree! Talk to him, find out why he isn't intimate, maybe its something stupid like he is waiting for you to make the first move! So start talking and keep talking till you know why.

[Tanja]

I know it's easy to get carried away with someone who seems to be genuinely interested in you, especially if your relationship isn't giving you everything you need.... But that's never ever the solution to feeling wanted or loved. Yeah for a few hours it'll feel good but when it's over and you're back to reality you just feel horrible and you know how wrong it is.

You need to talk to your SO and tell him exactly how you feel - giving little hints will not do the job. Also you need to tell him what you did and WHY you did it... without making it sound like it's all his fault because even though he isn't being physical enough with you it's YOU who decided to cross the line with another guy instead of trying to make things better with your bf.

You're not a horrible person but you can not act like this to get affection... or if you don't want to solve this with your SO then end it and find someone else who fills your needs completely.

[amandamayaaa]

like many people said, you need to talk to your SO, tell him what you did.. but also talk to him about why you did it, because you need to let him know how your lacking the intimacy in your relationship, because that is part of a relationship, and if you don't communicate that won't help

[LissiSays]

I don't know the full details of your relationship and I obviously don't know him. But its possible that the intimacy is going at a slower pace because of the distance. You guys might have been "together" for 2 months now but those 2 months haven't been spent literally together. Certain aspects of a LDR move at different speeds and normal relationships. So the physical aspect of your relationship is moving at a slower pace. He might just need to get comfortable with you physically even though he is already comfortable emotionally.

But I agree with everyone here. You have to communicate because sometimes that is all you have in a LDR. The other person doesn't have anything else to go by but your words. I feel that you should tell him what happened. Honesty and trust are key things in a LDR. Cheating is never a solution. As others have said, telling him might not be easy. Coming from someone who has been cheated on in previous relationships, it sucks. The healing process after that will be a rough road. But he will hopefully give you credit for being honest about it. It's always better to find out from your SO than from some other source.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope you keep us updated.

[gsqueaker]

thank you for all the advice. you have all been very helpful and encouraging. i think one thing is clear, i have to tell him and i will. but i dont know when/how to tell him. i see him in three weeks, and part of me wants to tell him in person. but should i wait three weeks to do that? or should i try to tell him over the phone?

[Dauntedpoet]

Well, I've always been one to tell the sooner the better, because every time you talk to them with the secret hidden, means you're making the lie bigger, and creating another lie on top of it. I can understand you may want to tell him face to face in person, because you can guage his reactions based on facial expression and body language, as well as emphasize your emotions the same way.... but, I think if he is coming to see you and its an expense for him you definitely owe him the information ASAP.

[LadyMarchHare]

thank you for all the advice. you have all been very helpful and encouraging. i think one thing is clear, i have to tell him and i will. but i dont know when/how to tell him. i see him in three weeks, and part of me wants to tell him in person. but should i wait three weeks to do that? or should i try to tell him over the phone?

You tell him ASAP. I know people say in person is best, but you're LDR and waiting those three weeks is only going to make the situation worse. If you guys can call on skype/phone, do it that way. Otherwise, direct IM. That's about as 'in person' as it can get as it's real time. I'd be prepared for that trip to be canceled, though, you never know.

[Zephii]

Over the phone, the longer you wait, the worse it looks

[agentholli]

Ya i totally agree with Zephii, the longer you wait, the harder its going to be, because you not only did what you did, but then you hid it from him and he could take that as lying to him. Good luck though!

[BrownGummyBear]

tell your SO about it, if he manages to forgive you then good for you.. if not then let him go and let him choose what he deserves.