long distance with kids

[AmberzInCO]

I have full custody of my six year old son. His dad never comes around and is NOT an active part of his life.

I met this guy online. He's great. We've met once. We talk daily. We like each other. We want to see each other but it's an almost 4 hour drive each way.

He does not have kids but works crazy hours. I work part time and I'm a full time student. Until I'm ready for him to meet my son, how do we make this work?

I'm open to any ideas!

Thanks!

[Dauntedpoet]

I have full custody of my six year old son. His dad never comes around and is NOT an active part of his life.

I met this guy online. He's great. We've met once. We talk daily. We like each other. We want to see each other but it's an almost 4 hour drive each way.

He does not have kids but works crazy hours. I work part time and I'm a full time student. Until I'm ready for him to meet my son, how do we make this work?

I'm open to any ideas!

Thanks!

Sleep overs at my best friends house! maybe an aunt or an uncle? I'm a single mom and couldn't have done it without my best friends support!

[AmberzInCO]

Yeah, I have a friend and we trade babysitting. Our kids are friends and a year apart. The downside? She's done so much for me and I have yet to pay her back because she NEVER needs me.

Will my kid hate me for sending him to a friends house overnight a couple times a month?

Do I drive to him or does he come here?

We thought about meeting in the middle but the only town between he and I is an hour from me and almost 3 from him. Wyoming is such a crap state LOL

[blankita719]

He may not - I'm in a similar situation with the ex and my son is 7 - luckily my SO has a child himself and is incredibly understanding My son loves staying at grandma's or his aunt's house for a night or two.
As far as the actual meeting, whatever you feel comfortable with and works best for the two of you. Would he mind coming all the way to where you live? Personally, I'd feel more comfortable that way if I were meeting someone online.

[AmberzInCO]

We've met before. He keeps complaining and almost making me feel guilty for even bringing up him coming all the way here. He says he doesn't want to do that because he has nowhere to stay so he would have 8ish hours of driving just to see me for a few hours. But he expects me to come up there and leave my son with someone for a night or two and stay with him. I'm not quite ready for sleep overs yet.

I think things will get easier once they meet but that's a huge step in my book. My son has enough daddy issues, that I don't need him witnessing another guy leaving his life.

[Micah]

My daughters stay with my mom while I go visit my boyfriend, but I live with my mom, so I kind of have a built in nanny! My boyfriend has yet to meet my daughters, and has yet to come to visit me. He is visiting around New Year's, but staying with someone else. I can relate to getting annoyed that you are the only one visiting. On the other hand, I think that if it gets to the point where he meets your son then you will have more flexibility with seeing one another. Then your son can participate too & you won't have to worry about finding childcare all the time to make it easier. So, maybe you making the effort all the time is only temporary. By the way, my boyfriend lives in WY too.

[Dauntedpoet]

Yeah, I have a friend and we trade babysitting. Our kids are friends and a year apart. The downside? She's done so much for me and I have yet to pay her back because she NEVER needs me.

Will my kid hate me for sending him to a friends house overnight a couple times a month?

Do I drive to him or does he come here?

We thought about meeting in the middle but the only town between he and I is an hour from me and almost 3 from him. Wyoming is such a crap state LOL

I would ask your friend openly and honestly, and tell her you feel bad because you don't get the chance to reciprocate, maybe there is something else you can do for her instead.

As for hating you....my daughter loved it...loved having someone to play with, but all kids are different, and you will be a better parent if you are fulfilling yourself.

If it were me, I would have him come to me more often than not, because I need to be available for my child and my child comes first, if that isn't something he's okay with, then he's not the guy for me.

I can understand him not wanting to drive all the way and then drive back, but maybe offering him the couch, or other arrangements? Even after knowing Ian online for 3 years, the first time he came here, I told him ''I know I have a guest room, but if I'm not comfortable you will be staying at my brothers'' and he said "I completely understand, whatever is easier for you"

I am lucky because Ian has always been in Emma's life, since we've been best friends for 12 years, and he always stays with me when he comes over but it use to be in the spare room and now its not, also when we all travel together we share a hotel room, so both my children have grown up knowing him as family.

Take your time, do whatever works for you, but when I was dating I made sure I was 100% in the relationship wholeheartedly (and so were they) before I introduce them to my daughter as anything other than a casual friend, because children will feel YOUR ambivalent feelings and without knowing why they won't trust a person who is in an unfamiliar intimate role with their parent.