people keep getting in the way

[myarmhurts]

And for the longest time it never even bothered me, but recently ever since I told my mum about my LDR, things have been really tense and shaky. I have even told some friends, and not very many people support me. The things that bother me is, is that they say it's IMPOSSIBLE for this relationship to work. It's getting me really down, and I know it shouldn't. Can anyone help me with this? What do you guys do? It's getting extremely frusterating as I hear it all the time...

[Jackie]

I'm sorry to hear that people don't support you. When I first told my dad about my relationship, he was pretty negative about it and told me it wasn't going to work either. My friends mostly think it's strange, but I'm glad that they don't say anything (even though I think my best friend secretly disapproves!)

I'm a really headstrong person, so I never wanted to let anybody's opinion determine my happiness. My boyfriend makes me extremely happy, so why is it wrong to stay with him just because he lives in another country? I just had to suck it up and ignore any criticism I received, because I know that people were only criticizing me because they loved me. I rationalized that thought, and figured that if they really did love me, then they would eventually warm up to the idea when they saw how happy I am as a result of it.

It's also one of the main reasons I joined this forum - I needed support from people who were in my position, because I knew without a doubt that there were going to be times that I felt really confused about something, and the people here at LFAD are really a blessing. They provide so much support and advice whenever I needed it, and never discriminate against anybody. Sometimes when I felt all alone, these guys here were helping me in a major way.

If your family and friends keep getting you down about this relationship, don't feel like you have to take it! Tell them how it makes you feel, and explain to them that whether they like it or not, it's you who is in the relationship, not them. Like I said earlier, if they care about you, they'll eventually warm up and support you... it just takes some time. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself... you don't deserve to be bad-mouthed for something that makes you happy and isn't harming anybody else.

[Jovan]

Frankly, those people out there doesn't know what is LDR because they not into it. They might think the relations aren't working just because we 're not seeing each other. Just close your ear close your eyes and do what make you happy. I know it's pretty hard. Your situation similar with my SO. Her family and friends disagree with our relations. They kept saying a bad thing about me. Some more they are trying to separate us. It's also happened with my friends. I don't know why those people never let us alone and never let us happy.
I know how you feel. Giving up, stress, frust...
Hey don't let them ruin your relations. If possible, Ignore them. You have to do it although it's hard. It might be not a good idea but try it.
We have through this and we did it.

[William]

Persist and prove them wrong! Be positive because you're happy with your new-found love. If you walk around with a smile on your face all day, people around you can only do one thing: admit that this relationship is great for you.

[szrhappi11]

i have ppl in my life who are negative bout mine and jeffs relationship and it used to affect me a lot, but ive learned to ignore it. i know the reasons why they talk negetively bout it is because its strange or different and ppl dont like that. so when someone is doin something that is different from the norm they dont know how to react and so they react negetivly.

ive come to realize that all i can do it prove them wrong and show them through time that this is somethin i want more then anything in my life and prove to them that it will wrk. for the ppl that you are close with u should b able to talk to them and tell ur feelings and express to them how you feel. i know with my mom and family it was really gettin to me when they would make comments so i just stopped talkin bout jeff around her and my family. eventually they started to ask what was goin on and whats goin on with him. and so i sat down with her and started to discuss it and let her ask her questions. i know she cares a lot about me and is just lookin out for me. durin our talk i told her to ask what she wanted to know bout mine and jeffs relationship and i was honest with all of her questions. I know a lot of her issues are issues that could happen with any guy i explained to her. yes it still hurts to not have support from your loved ones, but hopefully in time they will start to come around. i know my mom has started to come around now after we had our talk. she told me she doesnt understand the relationship but she is willin to support us now because she sees how important jeff is to me. so i hope you can try and talk with you mom and friends and just ask them why they are negetive and let them ask questions and you explain to them why you are in it and how important it is to you. and hopefully it will calm them down and they will start to understand and realize how important it is to you.

stay strong and talk to your SO when you are down.i know that always helps when i get down about it. he just reasures me why im doin this and shows me how much i love him, how important he is to me, and how badly want this to wrk. and come on here and talk to us. thats why there is this site for us to share our stories and get advice and support.

[NerdyH]

The above posters have already said it all, really, but..
Long distance relationships can last! When I feel down like you and start doubting, I've looked at these forums and thought that hey, people can make it work - so that can only mean that so can I!
And if you need support, well, there's a whole community here to comfort you.

[Sarah M]

I get that a lot, too. I have a friend who's in a long-term relationship and the furthest they're ever apart is three hours drive. But when I see them together and when she says things like, "I just don't know how you do it." it really bothers me. All I do is remember that these people haven't met Matt and they don't know how brilliant he is. They don't know your relationship. The only people that know how wonderful your relationship is, are you and your partner. No one else can tell you how either of you feel. That's not their position. Recently, Matt sent me a ring for our anniversary and the way my parents reacted was strange to me. I thought, "How could they not be excited? It's beautiful!" and I realised that really, they're worried. They are parents - always alert to make sure their children are safe and happy. So if something were to go wrong, they're ready with damage control. I'm sure your mum doesn't want you to get too excited about things because she wants to make sure that if things do turn sour (which, hopefully they won't!) she won't have heightened your expectations. I know it sounds pretty rough, but I think that's how minds work.

Trust in yourself and your partner. You know, better than anyone, whether things are going to work. Just make sure you're happy every day.

[Taija]

Anyone would be bothered if their relationship was looked down on, so your feelings are completely understandable. But there's no point in arguing with that kind of people - just keep going and prove them wrong by making your relationship last! When I first started talking to Jesse 1½ years ago, no one really believed that we could be a "real" couple, but two visits and countless months later we're still going strong.

Good luck!

[Mio]

I'm sorry tohear that you are going thur this this. Is not easy at all. I experienced this with my SO's family. They always said from the begginign that this was not real, that you can't know a person like this, that it could all be lies, that I was dangerous, etc. A lot of his friends told him things too, like he should enjoy life first and then come into a relationship, specially in 'such a difficult thing' as an LDR. But eventually his family accepted our relationship, only after they met me. And so did his friends. But it was not an easy journey. Mostly they do it because they are afraid of the unknown, and they don't want their loved one end in a hurtful situation. But everytime he would tell me this things, I would never talk to him bad about his family or friends, it is of bad taste. It's always good to talk with respect and ask for respect back. Best wishes!

[Tanja]

Don't care what other people think! We are all here to support you and in time everyone will see you're serious about this. Prove people wrong by making your relationship last and show them it is possible to be happy with someone even though you're not physically together all the time.

[Sarah M]

I have to say, I'm finding seeing all the touchy-feely couples really painful. But I'm not that jealous anymore... You'll be fine!