an old love letter

[diana]

i'm posting this because i really don't know what to do and i need to -at least- let it out.

thing is,,,i have a wonderful boyfriend,he's really smart,amazingly good looking and has a beautiful heart..i enjoyed being friends before we became bf/gf; there was no pressure,and things were awesome,,,and now things are even more awesome but i always felt that i'm not good enough for him and told him that he can find some one much better than me (i know,i'm weird and have a low self esteem)..and if anything stands in the way to "seal the deal",its this, i believe it so profoundly and i have my reasons.

he says that people look for equals,and he sees me as his equal,but lately i found an old love letter that he wrote for another girl he used to like,who was also a friend for both of us,,and its clear that he poured his heart in that letter and that he's not over her yet(why else would he keep it?) and whats worse is that it proved i was right; that girl was amazing! really smart and an actual equal for him,i can never measure up to her..i'm just an average girl; i can never be as smart or fun or interesting as she was.

i'm not jealous or angry with him,,i'm just mad at myself for ever believing that i might be good for him ,i should have insisted on staying friends i really don't know what to do now

[mllebamako]

Wait...this is an OLD letter. I think you are jumping to conclusions to assume that he kept the letter because he's "not over her". Even after my fiance and I had been dating for like 5 months...I STILL had stuff from my former relationship lying around. I had pictures of him on my computer still. I had old emails that we had sent each other. I had a bracelet he had given to me. And guess what?? I was COMPLETELY over him, I had been for a long time. But I'm forgetful and a bit lazy and I just hadn't bothered clearing them out.
It wasn't until my fiance was on my computer that I even realized they were all still there. He talked to me and told him it bothered me and asked me if there was a reason I still had all this. I assured him no and then deleted them. Problem solved!

Point being: talk to him before you assume he still has feelings for her.

The second issue: your self esteem. In my eyes, there is NO ONE out there who is more important or better than anyone else in this world. Everyone has something special in them that makes them unique and lovable. There will always be someone smarter, prettier, more fun, whatever than you...than ALL of us. That's just life. So start to concentrate on what makes you awesome. Because there is always something. He is with you for a reason, I promise.
Stop hating on yourself! And stop comparing yourself to others. This is something I really believe that you need to work on before being seriously committed and "sealing the deal" as you say (whatever that means). You need to be a whole person and fully love yourself before someone else can love you. We are not out there to find our other halves...we are out there to find another WHOLE who can be our partner and love us fully for who we are.

Phew. Stepping down off my soap box now...

[Karringtyn]

My dear friend pretty much summed up what I was going to say. If you are going to live your life comparing yourself to others and knocking yourself down....it's going to be a long road and a lonely one. Because hon...see the GOOD in you. He has seen it. He is WITH YOU! It is an OLD letter.

Take care

[DarkSolitary]

It's an old letter. I wouldn't worry about it too much. He's with you now. You are what is important to him. Keep thinking like that and your bound to run into trouble.

As for your self-esteem. You really need to work on that because first and foremost, you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. Look within yourself and see what makes you unique. Who cares if that other girl is smarter, prettier, more fun than you? She's not important. YOU are. What about you that makes you different than everyone else? Stand in front of mirror and smile and say to yourself 'You look beautiful today and you have the most amazing boyfriend that loves you for YOU'

Do things that make you feel good about yourself or happy or better yet both! Dance around in your room to your favorite song, Call your SO, or whatever I wish you luck in growing confidence in yourself! BTW I kinda know what your going through because my SO is alot like you self-esteem wise. But over the year and a half I have been with him his self-confidence grew. Maybe what you need is your SO to assure you that you gorgeous, beautiful, etc.. I know that always brings my self esteem up

[Rusty]

I'll echo what others have said in pointing out that he is with you now. There are multitudes of reasons he may have kept that letter, it doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't over her. But the important thing that you need to remember is that he has chosen you. You may not feel like you are his equal, but he does - he does, and he wants to be with you.

Like others have said, you should try to work on your self-esteem (much easier said than done, I know), but it's something that needs to be done - not just for the relationship, but for your sake in general. Trust me, I've had really bad self-esteem problems in the past, and I'm so glad that I decided to fight them.

As for how the letter made you feel

that girl was amazing! really smart and an actual equal for him,i can never measure up to her..i'm just an average girl; i can never be as smart or fun or interesting as she was

have you thought about maybe doing a letter exchange or something similar? So that you both write one another a love letter? I'm willing to bet he'll write incredible things about you, if you give him the chance, and maybe that will help you to see how he sees you a bit clearer.

[sabby64]

Heh, I think all the points I was about to make have already been said T_____T Oh well.

Don't worry about it. I'm completely over my ex Dion who left me for another girl like 5 months ago, but I still have stuff from him, normal stuff like the tv and Xbox he left behind, and then stuff Brandon's asked me about like my diamond necklace I still wear after all this time. I'm just so used to it being there I never take it off, and hell, it's a 500 dollar diamond necklace, I'm not giving it up XD Haha. I don't consider it anything special, it's just a nice necklace that I think looks good on me now.

I still have letters Dion wrote me, and things I wrote him, but there's no feeling left, I just keep them as a reminder of where I've been and what I've been through, and all the good that has come out of it. If I had never gone out with Dion, I never would have worked so hard to change and become the person I am today, and I never would have gone out with Brandon. I thank Dion every day for leaving because what came out of it was the best thing that's ever happened to me, meeting Brandon. I don't read the letters and get all mushy and nostalgic about them, I read them and think about how far I've come, and how much better things are now.

Sorry if that was confusing :P It's hard to explain.

No two relationships are ever the same, so don't put yourself in the same place as his old girlfriend. Every relationship is good in it's own way, and you should never feel like you aren't good enough because of somebody who is long gone. You are amazing, and your boyfriend knows it too. How about you start up a letter exchange? Write him a letter and ask him to write one back. It's fun, and soon you'll forget all about how sad you were when you found that old letter.

[Zephii]

You need to stop beating yourself up over shit that probably isn't relevant anymore, seriously. The only one who thinks you're not good enough is yourself.

Both Obi and I have things from past relationships, even though we're in this with each other 100%. It's nice to see where you've been you know? Besides, he probably just kept it because he was impressed with his own writing or something. If it worries you, talk to him about it.

Hope you feel better soon.

[Dauntedpoet]

I think exchanging love letters is a great idea! Also, just tell him you came across the letter and ask him about it. You may find out exactly how UNWONDERFUL she really was.

[littlewinged1]

What everyone else has said is perfect and exactly what I was thinking so instead of repeating i'll just say to take all this advice! He obviously thinks you are better than her or he wouldn't be with you! I've felt the same way but in the end I just felt stupid for doubting how he felt about me

[diana]

thank u,everyone..u've been very helpful
i won't let the stupid letter or the more stupid low self esteem get between us i love him too damn much :P

[Rach321]

thank u,everyone..u've been very helpful
i won't let the stupid letter or the more stupid low self esteem get between us i love him too damn much :P

That's the spirit!

[littlewinged1]

thank u,everyone..u've been very helpful
i won't let the stupid letter or the more stupid low self esteem get between us i love him too damn much :P

good!

[diana]

*update*

i got it all wrong,,me and him talked about it,,and i *was* jumping to wrong conclusions...he really loves me <3
it was the most embarrassing moment of my life,but i'm glad it is settled

the key is (COMMUNICATION)

again...thank u everyone

[Čternity]

Glad to hear it worked out

[paulawriteslove]

thank u,everyone..u've been very helpful
i won't let the stupid letter or the more stupid low self esteem get between us i love him too damn much :P

Good!! That's the past and you're his present and his future don't let this silly thing get in the way of your relationship!