I have created a mess :\

[Meilisha]

Yeah, so lately things have been alright, I mean they were practically perfect, I was even talking to him about coming to Colombia a lot sooner since I found cheaper flights.
But yesterday, everything changed. His tone with me has been slipping away from his normal chirpy self and has gone quite dry. So I decided to confront him about this and he said 'he doesn't want to build my hopes up'?
I'm so confused, because no offense to him at all, but that's all he's been doing.
I cant help but feel a sense of hopelessness.
He kind of knocked me down when he announced he loved me, he said he didn't want to dive into a LDR, but I understood that and I was fine.
Over time, things picked up and we could be a lot more personal, and generally tell each other our feelings.
I generally don't know what to do about this, I knew I had to come here since you would understand me more than, say my sister or friends.
I really don't want to finish this, I love his so much, sometimes I wish I didn't but I can't help it.
Thank you for reading it..

[NikkiP]

Hi there! I'm wondering if you have shared this site with him? I know that my SO found this site for me and it really helped me see that there were definitely things that we could do to make this work. Talk to him about his concerns and his fears and share yours as well.

Then say well, these are all of the things that we can do to be together even when we can't be together (watching the same movie/eating the same foods, yada yada.) Have you all met yet? When you say going to Colombia a lot sooner is that for a short visit? Extended visit?

We all go through those "I hate this and this sucks and I don't want to deal with this" moments. At least most of us, from the posts that I have seen on here. It's very possible that lately he has been feeling down about it and needs a boost to see that a bagillion other people are going through the same situation.

I hope this helps and welcome!

[Cali2LDN]

But yesterday, everything changed. His tone with me has been slipping away from his normal chirpy self and has gone quite dry. So I decided to confront him about this and he said 'he doesn't want to build my hopes up'?
He kind of knocked me down when he announced he loved me, he said he didn't want to dive into a LDR, but I understood that and I was fine.

This exact thing happened to me before with my old best friend that I was head over heels for. He told me EXACTLY the same thing
I hate to say this and I know it will hurt, but he is just not that into you.

[LadyMarchHare]

Well hold on Cali, saying that doesn't mean that EXACT thing. Meilisha, did you ask him what he meant by that, to explain to you why he's not been as 'chirpy'? I mean yes it can mean he wants a break up but there also could be issues on his end he isn't sharing that are dragging him down, making him think a break up might save you the pain he's feeling. There's several things that can be assumed from "I don't want to get your hopes up" beyond "I don't love you". You can't just go with the bare minimum, you have to be borderline annoying and play 20 questions to try and get the details before you can sit and wail about it, you know?

[Bluestars]

I agree with Lady March Hare on this one. My interpretation of him saying that he doesn't want to get your hopes up is that he doesn't want you to get upset if the plans to meet up end up falling through. Or, he might be wondering if you guys will still have chemistry when you finally meet in person. It sounds to me as though it might be the distance that is getting to him. My SO would not commit to a relationship before we met in person, so I am guessing that he might feel differently once you actually meet.

[Rosebud]

I'm sorry I don't have much advise to give (though I think you've been give some good opinions already), but I did want to comment because your title made me a little sad. This is no way souns like it is your fault and I don't think you should feel like you have to take the blame for any of it. If it's turning into a problem that's something you're both going to have to work through but please don't feel like you are the on who started it since going by your post you had every right to be excited about encouraging him to visit. *hugs* I hope you guys are able to work this out soon and painlessly

[folclor]

Alex did the same thing to me. *shrugs* he's probably scared of hurting you and getting hurt himself. Once y'all are together things will prolly change. I don't know if y'all have met in person before and if that's the case then things are different but if this will be the first time he's probably going to get fairly moody and might even ask to go back to being just friends. If he's like Alex he is trying to protect both of you in any way he can, which includes hurting you for the time being. So it'll be fine. He's probably just scared that things won't be how he wants them. But once y'all are together things will be all right. ^^ trust me on that.

[Cali2LDN]

Well hold on Cali, saying that doesn't mean that EXACT thing. Meilisha, did you ask him what he meant by that, to explain to you why he's not been as 'chirpy'? I mean yes it can mean he wants a break up but there also could be issues on his end he isn't sharing that are dragging him down, making him think a break up might save you the pain he's feeling. There's several things that can be assumed from "I don't want to get your hopes up" beyond "I don't love you". You can't just go with the bare minimum, you have to be borderline annoying and play 20 questions to try and get the details before you can sit and wail about it, you know?

When its happened to you twice you can be pretty damn sure. Yeah its tough love that I am giving, but its the truth.
Just don't be making excuses for things when you know the real truth.
If I am wrong then slay me, but what I say is true.

[LadyMarchHare]

When its happened to you twice you can be pretty damn sure. Yeah its tough love that I am giving, but its the truth.
Just don't be making excuses for things when you know the real truth.
If I am wrong then slay me, but what I say is true.

I wasn't saying what you had said initially was entirely wrong, there are always other reasons that we can only guess at even if you've experienced it because we aren't that person and we aren't in their shoes. There's no need to become defensive that I added on to what you said and slightly countered it.

[Riyko]

Does his family know that he's in an LDR with you? I know that some south american countries and families in those countries aren't comfortable with these types of relationships (i'm not saying all families are like that). I have 12 friends from Colombia and all of their families do not like LDR's for many different reasons. Anyways, my point is maybe if his family found out about it if they didn't know about it from the start then they could be trying to talk him out of the relationship and it could be making him uncomfortable or unsure of what he's doing/wants so he's saying what he is to you.

[Meilisha]

Well I confronted him, and he said that he doesn't think that he would be able to cope with the distance, so he would rather keep it as a beautiful friendship, and if he could he would be with me.
At least I know that I haven't lost him completely, I think I'd die without him.

[Čternity]

Well I'm glad he could be honest with you. I hope you find some peace and can remain good friends.

[Silviar]

It sounds to me like you need to have another talk with him and see if he still doesn't want to get into an LDR. If he doesn't, well, you have his answer and you need to respect it.