Should we just not talk anymore?

[true_survivor_586]

So im in a new situation.
For those of you who do not know my SO is in Iraq, well for the past week the internet/skype is making it nearly impossible to communicate. We have barely talked a few hours ALL WEEK, that is including just one or two messages sent back and fourth over facebook. Every time we manage to get online together and start a skype *with only voice* the internet goes out less then 10 min in and my heart just falls. All this hope and crashing is killing me.
My question to you all is im feeling like maybe if we just stoped trying to talk it would be better? I wouldnt wait around to see if he is getting on..there for i would get out more...
Should we just stop talking?

its hard to explain my train of thought right now but i hope some of you can understand?

[machstx]

absolutely. tell your self you cant talk and its not going to work so that when he gets online and you attempt a skype convo and you get 10 minutes your thrilled...might sound crazy but i hate disapointment. this is how i deal with things that may not happen. hope this helps!! i cant imagine what your going through i wish you strength to get through the crapy internet situation

[agentholli]

my niece went through the same thing you are going through when her Boyfriend was in Iraq. She waited and waited around for him all day..it was good cause I had had foot surgery..and she stayed with me, so she had nothing better to do then to be on the computer..but she was attached to it! And then so disappointed when he could only talk for 2 seconds.

Maybe you guys can just communicate via email? That way you don't wait around and just maybe you will have an email from him when you get in at night. Im sorry you have to go through this.

[true_survivor_586]

Maybe you guys can just communicate via email? That way you don't wait around and just maybe you will have an email from him when you get in at night. Im sorry you have to go through this.

we do send messages on facebook, i have sleeping problems any ways, but now that were not talking much when i wake up in the middle of the night, i turn on the laptop just to check, i feel like im crazy! it sucks most because before he was my SO he was my best friend, i can tell him anything, now i have no one to confide in

[agentholli]

are you sure you aren't my niece? Well i think alot of it also is like what matchstx said..you are letting yourself get worked up and thinking that you are going to talk to him, and so the disappointment is greater. Trust me, i do this also, I tend to get really excited for the littlest things and then it doesn't happen and my dispear is greater.

I would try telling yourself that it might not happen, maybe try to convince yourself that you aren't going to talk to him. So when you do and its only for a little bit, you can focus on the time that you did have, and not the time that you didn't get. I think it will take time to get use to doing that. Like right now, mark hasn't called me yet tonight...so i keep telling myself that he isn't going to call...and if/when he does..i will be excited instead of disappointed that i thought he would call and he didn't.

[Èternity]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It's tough to go to having no expectations but maybe that's what will get you through. This must be such a common problem for military LDRs. Are there any sites or specific advice the military offers which specialise in coping with this type of LDR? It would be fab if you were able to find a 'mentor' or something like that who has maybe gone through this specific issue a couple of times that could give you some guidance? Maybe we could all learn something from what they had to say.

[Mrs. Meat]

No. stop trying to talk will not make it any better. Do you have a blackberry? or even the android. I used to always be logged on to yahoo messenger on my phone so that he would always reach me just in case he was on the computer while I was asleep or at work and wasnt logged on. I remember my phone going off many a times at 3 in the morning when he got up., I'd sleep with it right by my head, the volume on high so i'd hear it. I'd be tired the next morning going to work but it was worth it! We also used to have skype sundays instead of trying to log on ever so often during the week trying to see him. I remember those internet crashes well! But we kept trying and trying until it went back up. Also what used to make us both happy was a good old fashioned letter. We each wrote one a week and mailed it off. Trust me, during his deployment the mailman knew me personally. In your care packages, send lots of phone cards, or buy a replenishable one so if skype/chat doesnt work, if he can, he can jump on the phone. I also used to send an email when i woke up and before I went to bed so he would get them when he woke up and when he was getting ready to go to bed. We made each other a promise that we would not go a day withoug getting an email even if it was just to say , i miss you. This made it much easier to get through the deployment, knowing that when i got up or he got up, there would be an email waiting even if we didnt get to chat.
But to stop talking to him, it will only make you unhappy, in my opinion. Best of luck....

[true_survivor_586]

Do you have a blackberry? or even the android. I used to always be logged on to yahoo messenger on my phone so that he would always reach me just in case he was on the computer while I was asleep or at work and wasnt logged on. I remember my phone going off many a times at 3 in the morning when he got up., I'd sleep with it right by my head, the volume on high so i'd hear it. I'd be tired the next morning going to work but it was worth it!.

I have yahoo on my phone, and tell him he can call me on my phone (though skype), but he knows how i go to school and have work and he wont wake me up unless he knows i dont have school or work in the morning, he is being way to "nice" if you wana call it that, he has sent me over 10 letters before his two weeks leave and none of them ever got to me, he still writes but ill get them when he gets back. i make sure to send him letters *and a package every other week*, it just SUCKS

[Rach321]

I was in the same place as you for the first 4-5 months of the deployment. We would both be so frustrated.... It was sometimes harder to try to talk than to not talk at all.

But we agreed we would instead cherish every moment that we had together. If we couldn't see each other, we'd just use voice calls. If we could see each other, but the sound quality was bad, we'd just use video for as long as it would work, and then text chat as much as possible.

It's really the hardest part, for me. (Well, once I learned not to worry so much about him) I planned my whole day around being at my computer when he was normally online. And then when it wouldn't work, it would be crushing.

But once we decided to view things differently, it was better.

His internet's so bad now that all we can do is email once a day. It's been like that for over a month He has phone cards, so he calls every few days. But what I wouldn't do to go back to being able to see his pixelated face and hear his stilted voice every day over skype

Don't take anything for granted hon! You'll get in a routine sooner than you think!

[Rach321]

Oh, I also want to add, in case my post worries you too much: The internet goes in and out in quality. Just because it's not working well this week doesn't mean it won't be great next week. That's why I recommended that you just try to keep yourself from becoming too frustrated when there are problems.

If he can try to find times to contact you when less people are online - like early in the morning or late at night for him, it can sometimes make a difference.

[Dauntedpoet]

You need to have a life, and do things you enjoy while your waiting for your SO. My SO was\is also my best friend and I know what you mean about needing to tell him everything! When you sit down at the computer to communicate with your SO, starting writing it down, in letter form, then when you've told him everything you need to, however it may come out, you can just send it to him, and you won't feel like you've wasted time waiting. He will have a wonderful long email to read and answer if he has the time, and he will feel connected to you. You are the only one that can decide what will make this more bearable for you, would you be okay going off doing something fun for yourself and then finding out you'd missed a chance to talk to him?
I would definitely tell him to call WHENEVER he can, regardless of your being asleep or not. When my brother was overseas I carried my cell phone 24-7 and spoke with my professors, asking for permission to leave my phone on vibrate, and step out just to speak to him if he called. All 6 were understanding, and though it never happened, just knowing I could answer it if it did, was a stress reliever.
Good luck and hang in there!

[Caitlin2009]

well i wouldnt say not talk at all maybe not use skype anymore until he has a better connection and can stay on longer, i know this will be hard but just leave him messages including PM's on facebook that might be your only option at this point