In serious need of advice, please help

[Bedarje]

I'll start from the beginning....

I go to university, and last year I completely flunked my second semester. Why? Because I simply didn't care anymore. I just crashed, I felt like it was just a waste of time and that my life was simply going nowhere. Then I met this girl at the end of the school year, she seemed like someone that would be a good friend, but it turned out to be more than that. My good mood was still not enough to pick my grades back up, it was allready too late for that. But this thread isnt about my awfull grades. During the last month of school, me and this girl got really close together, spent almost every last day with her. I'm pretty sure she helped me passed a course, just because i got more motivated.

The thing is this girl wasnt coming back to this school, she changed program completly and decided to stay close to home for the next school year. She decided all this, before meeting me, so how knows what might of happen if we had met sooner. Anyways, even though i knew she wasnt coming back, i still decided to pursue somesort of relationship with her, because I fell in love.

Summer came around, both went back to our hometowns, talked/texted constantly. I asked here if this could work out, she said yes. Then out of the blue, couple of weeks later, she changed her mind, saying stuff like "you deserve better", "youll get tired of me", basicaly called it off. Still we did talked/text from time to time, but it wasnt heart to heart stuff. Then I went on vacation with my family, and we passed by her hometown, so I visited her. Then we could talk face to face, get a clear vue of whats going on. We came to a mutual understanding that we still have our whole life ahead of us, and will meet new people along the way, so it was off. Got back home, went on with my life. I stop texting her constantly, to help me move on. After a while, she became sorta angry with me, saying that I didnt care about her, that I forgot about her.... and so it was back on. School started again, she came to visit for two weeks, all was good...now things are straining again.

She's the type of girl thats scared of relationships and doesnt beleive in "happily ever after". Even when we started seeing each other and to this day she doesnt want to put a label on the relationship. She also as difficulty saying "I love you", I can count the number of times she said those words on my hands. Instead she says "I adore you" or when texting " I <3 U ". Trouble making heads or tails of it. And our conversations are getting monotonous; her texts reply are always one word, without seeming to want to continue the conversation.

Another thing, is that she refuses for me to go visiting, she says she doesnt like having company at her house. My take on it, is that she doesnt want poeple from around her to find out about us... What makes this issue worst, is that she recently told me she was seeing a guy back home when we started off at school. So she cheated on him, he found out, broke with her. When I confronted her about it, saying that I can't wait for the same thing to happen to me, she told me upfront that she doesnt want to feel like she did ever again, and that she loved me. But still... its always in my head.

A multitude of hard questions keeps hitting me:

Is this going to work out?
Is she cheating?
Is she bored of me?
Is she just saying that she wants to be with me, cause shes scared to hurt my feelings?
Does she love me....

I really love this girl, more than anything in the world. I can't picture myself without her. This long distance relationship is (pardon my french) a huge kick in the ass. Keeping up with school and the relationship is extremely hard...and school wise, i cant have a repeat from last year.

Sorry for the story of my life, but I figured that more detail the better in understanding the problem. If you read it all, thank you for listening, and if you could help in any way possible, It would gladly be appriciated.

Thank you!

[ioanna]

hey there.... i'm not fully awake yet to be able to fully comprehend your post, and reply to it the way it should be replied to, but i am awake enough to give you a big big hug !

[Èternity]

Wow you have a lot going on. LDRs do take a lot of work to make them happen successfully. I think with the repeat of your school year your plate may be overstacked to do both. But I guess if she helps motivate you then it could be a good thing. Communication is key so I would take it slow, make sure you get settled into school and slowly step into the LDR a bit at a time and try to resolve any problems or issues along the way. You need to over talk in an LDR because you can get so many misunderstandings in texts and emails. It's not impossible but you don't want to jeopardise your repeat at school. You will always have questions about what the other is doing when you are apart. There is a lot of trust involved and the other person needs to be reassuring you in words and actions that there is no funny business going on because she has already set you guys back in that area. So slowly slowly.

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't think she's cheating, I think she just has a lot of issues to work through. The "you'll get tired of me" statement kinda said it right there and her instability with her decisions. If it's off, you don't text someone constantly, so obviously to her she either wanted you to fight for her or it wasn't really over. As for visiting, you may be right, she may be embarrassed to say "hey we're long distance" or "we met at x college but they live x amount of miles away, so we aren't normal."

You guys need a serious sit down conversation and talk about why she's acting certain ways, how YOU feel and what YOU want from the relationship, then what she feels and wants. Ask for brutal honesty because we can't gauge if she loves you or not, only she knows that even if she tells you a million times over. You have doubts, you have fears, they need addressing in order for this to work and keep working.

[Zephii]

Seeming she wont define the relationship, I'm taking this from the angle that you're not official, and therefore she's not cheating. Woo technicality. Really all you can do is talk to each other. Sit her down and tell her you want to talk it through until everything is clear and you're both on the same page. There should be nothing you can't talk about to your SO.
I personally feel maybe she''s just not that into you or she wants to play the field a little bit, but who knows, perhaps she's playing hard to get. The only way to know is to talk, and trust your instinct. Good luck!

[Bedarje]

Hey everywhone! It felt good to just rant and tell people about my problem. Thanks for the help and feedback, I appreciate it alot. I know that me and my SO need a big sitdown, personnaly i dont want to do it by phone. But waiting to see each other, might take a while... I'll see what the futur brings me I guess.

[LadyMarchHare]

If you're uncomfortable doing the in-real-time thing, maybe write a letter/email detailing the issues and what solutions you've found or if they have any themselves that you guys could talk about? I know I'm not good with confronting my SO about stuff so it's usually what I do. Good luck!