i'm becoming controlling and it's scaring me

[amandamayaaa]

i've never really been the controlling girlfriend at all, but lately with eric i've found myself freaking out if i don't have all of his attention which i know isn't right

we have sorta an agreement that we don't text or talk to other people while we're skyping.. and if we do it's just a little bit, but lately i'll freak out if he texts just one time, and i start to attack him sort of. and i also give him crap if he gives the tv more attention then me for a little while when we're skyping

i've also been amazingly emotional lately, crying at everything

i've stopped and thought about what my emotions are trying to tell me, and i realized its the stupid distance. it's so hard to handle. i want to be with him all the time, and i can't, and it hurts like no other. i'm taking it out on him by freaking out if i don't get all of his attention, and i don't want to be that girlfriend

theres only 9 days until i see him, and i feel the closer i am to seeing him, the more anxious and annoyed i get that it cant just be right now, forever

anyone else have this problem, or any advice?

[Kika]

I had a similar problem lately, I really needed my boyfriend's attention (I will see him in a week!). He has been working and going out - I had my own stuff to do as well, but I somehow needed him. I was emotional, and even if he said something sweet, I wanted to hear more. I have a problem with my male friends that they text me way too much, more then my own boyfriend, and it sometimes freaks me out. What if he doesnt like me, he doesnt text me as much as they do...

I told him about that, he was sweet and nice as usual, but it didnt help me

So I spent my entire day today thinking how stupid am I. I dont want to be that kind of girlfriend who needs to hear 'I love you' or 'I miss you' all the time, I don't want him to sit in front of his computer 24/7, I dont want him to feel suffocated in our relationship. I dont want to push him away. He treats me like a princess, he is sweet and caring. Just because he loves you it doesnt mean that the world stops when he is talking to you. I believe that relationship should contribute to your happiness, but you can't be dependant on someone else to make you happy. I know its the distance, but it helped me to go out with my girlfriends, do my hobbies etc I am now focusing on my visit - what clothes to bring, what to do, how to surprise him... I dont feel my best but at least I dont have stupid thoughts and it keeps me optimistic good luck

[true_survivor_586]

i know how you feel i have been so over emotional lately just for no reason, and ya know what we have barley talked this past week, that and the weather is what is most likely doing it for me, now it will be another 5 or 6 months before i see my SO but yeah, i have been telling him this, i always told him i could never be "that girl" the girl who just waits around for a guy like a lost puppy, but somehow love attacked me and i dove right in, i KNOW my type of personality, and i require a SHIT load of attention, i mean its really pathetic, and i get mad when i dont get it, so i know where ur coming from, its like "hey..over here...the "love of ur life"...ya know the one on skype right now..maybe you wanna talk to her..." ugh guys just need to give us more attention haha and we need to stop being so emotionally stupid
i will personally be mad and at the same time be yelling at myself for being mad over something so stupid, but i cant reason with myself, lol no one can

[Micah]

I can be the same way, but my boyfriend doesn't skype, so I guess I don't really get to see him like you get to see yours. What I do is step back from the whole thing and try to chill. For instance, I want to text my boyfriend 24-7 and I want him to text me back 24-7, but it's an unrealistic expectation. He has a demanding job and a life. He will text me a few times a day, it never seems like enough, but I try to appreciate it anyway. I try to focus on when he texts me instead of when he doesn't. He calls me most nights, we usually talk 20-40 minutes, but it's never enough for me either! So, I tell myself that it was so awesome I got to talk to him, I also let him know I appreciate the call. Then, I hang up and usually wallow a bit, wishing he were beside me! I just try to appreciate the time that he does give me, instead of trying to control the time he gives me. I find making the most of the time and not getting upset over little things really helps. So, I stop, step back, and kind of take a deep breath and tell myself it's going to be okay. Usually getting upset is not worth the energy, and asking yourself if it is worth it is helpful. I completely can relate to wanting to see your boyfriend now and forever. I am also seeing mine in 9 days and I am about to go crazy. It's very easy to let your emotions take control of your mind and to act out. Believe me, I know. The fact that you are aware that you are becoming controlling is probably a good thing because then you can be aware of how to handle it.

[machstx]

"hey..over here...the "love of ur life"...ya know the one on skype right now..maybe you wanna talk to her..." ugh guys just need to give us more attention haha and we need to stop being so emotionally stupid
i will personally be mad and at the same time be yelling at myself for being mad over something so stupid

sums me up perfectly lol. i feel you girl i am so freakin moody! my bf and i were friends for 6 years before we were together and i was NEVER like that. this distance is making me a crazy emotional monster. hang in there!

[paulawriteslove]

I can be controlling sometimes. Some nights I want my boyfriend all to myself and when it doesn't happen I just break down for no apparent reason. I just try to keep my emotions in check and not let myself get controlling.

[true_survivor_586]

sums me up perfectly lol. i feel you girl i am so freakin moody! my bf and i were friends for 6 years before we were together and i was NEVER like that. this distance is making me a crazy emotional monster. hang in there!

we are in the SAME boat, me and my so have been best friends for 11 years, and he KNOWS how i am cause he has seen me in my other relationships, and normally he isnt like this with his chicks, he gives massive amounts of attention, but im making excuses for him, when he gets back i better be freakin DOWNED in attention!

[CynderAngel]

I guess everyone deals with the distance in their own way. I know what you're talking about when you say you're so emotional. When the distance gets to be too much for me, I cry a lot, especially when I'm chatting with him. I'll look at him on webcam, or I'll look at a picture of him, and I'll cry my eyes out. Of course he gets worried because there's not really anything that can be done about it. Even so, I talk about it with him. I think it's important for him to know exactly what's going through my mind so he knows why I'm acting that way. He knows exactly how I feel since he feels the same. It's always nice to talk to someone who really understands.

[Ianthe]

I've noticed that my desire to be needy comes and goes in waves with this relationship...there are times I'm so bothered by his absence that I cling to him and want his absolute attention, and other times, I value my solitude...but then again, I can be a bit of a hermit...I need my cave! :P

Anyway, here's what I do to keep from losing my sanity during the needier times. I begged for a wireless headset for Christmas for my computer a few years ago, and let me tell you, that bugger is worth its weight in GOLD...because I can do other things around my house while talking to him, untethered to the computer, both hands free (unlike using a phone). I can distract myself, and it prevents me from resenting being stuck to the computer while my fiance, I'm sure, is doing all sorts of interesting and wonderful things at his computer without me, cause that's just the sort of evil person he is.

Also, we have a sort of constant-availability agreement...we both can call the other if we need, any time, day or night. I can't tell you how many times I've stumbled into work the morning following a 2am phone call because I was feeling despair or he couldn't sleep and needed company, or whatever. We also can ask for the other's undivided attention and get it, no argument - the exception being if one of us had prior plans, of course. I don't feel so bad if/when he's distracted by somebody or something else, because I know if I need attention, I can simply ask for it. We're both pretty pragmatic - we had to establish these rules-ish early on, and I am SO thankful we did!

Sorry for the crazy long post - I mainly just wanted to say that I understand. It seems many of us do! The feelings are totally acceptable and understandable, but when you start lashing out from them, maybe you could try to phrase what you want as a question? If you need undivided attention, for instance, ask him if he could please give you the next half hour...I think if you begin a cycle where he freely gives you the attention you need when you ask, you may feel more comfortable with the times he's working on other things. ::hugs:: It'll get better!

[Caitlin2009]

this is weird lol were all having this problem or related problems lately, i think its because the holiday are rolling around so we miss our SO's even more that or the planets are being assholes and retrograding alot lol. just try to breath and relax and not assume the worst if he does do that, and also tell him your feeling like this and dont mean to be, im sure he'll understand!

[Čternity]

I agree with Caitlin, somethings going on in general. I'm the least needy and jealous person I know but I'm having kinda mini freak outs lately. Blogging like a crazy woman. Its in the water or the air, I don't know. Try to relax and go with it. Tell him how you are feeling and try not bottle it up, wishing you well.

[Rugger]

i can have sort of this problem. I get upset if he's texting people while we are together. It's like" HEYYY I don't get to see you that often... everyone else can waittt". But I never say that , I just walk away until I regain my composure.

[nicole]

I had this a few weeks ago till it came to ahead where I just hung up on him because he was "too busy on facebook to talk to me" yeah mature of me I know.

I think it's because, with the distance, you don't have the intimacy you have in a CD relationship- essentially, skype, phone, email etc is all we have, which, lets be honest is a poor replacement for a touch or a hug. So when we are on skype, we like to have the attention of that person- I think the way I put it at the time was "all we have is skype for the next 5 months, and you're not all here when we do get to talk, it's not fair." It makes you feel like you're not enough for them- like your company doesn't satisfy them. It sucks but I don't think they mean to do it on purpose. My SO said it was because the computer is infront of him, and he fidgets a lot, so he goes on there without thinking- it's not like he's doing it because I'm boring or whatever. If it bothers you, I would just have both of you turn your phones off when you are skyping so you don't have the distraction.

[Zephii]

Sometimes it's hard not to multi-task. Other times it's hard not to be offended by multi-tasking. *lopsided smile*

I find when I'm really needy, reading through old cards/letters really helps. If you don't have any, perhaps he'll read this and write a bunch and stick them in a jar. Then, you can take out JUST ONE each time you're getting down and it'll pick you back up again. *Nods*

But other than that, maybe ask him to include you in his life more. Ask him who he's texting and how they are going. Boys like to gossip as much as girls do, it's just harder to get them started. And maybe initiate a "no tv unless we're watching it together" rule or something. Obi and I never had this, but I remember him always asking permission before watching anything - he'd tell me what it was, bore me to death with the plot, tell me how long it would go for and all that, and I always had the option I could interrupt or say no. It actually became such a habit that now we live together he still asks if I mind him watching telly or playing a game without me *lopsided smile* So maybe you two could take something from this and communicate your needs and desires better before doing 'separate' things in your 'together' time?

Emotions are fluid. Sometimes you're just going to be more needy than others. As long as you don't do it for like, two months at a time or something, really it's fine.

[BlackCherryJam]

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one having these troubles! Sometimes I just get so upset about the smallest things and it worries me! Hang in there! We all know it's worth it