Advice!

[sagittariusgirl89]

Hey everyone...

I was just wondering how to beat insecurity? For some reason, its getting worse. I have recently had the urge to look through Johns cell phone while he was here. He works with this girl named Jenn at work, she texts him and calls him, but he told me she is "weird" and "crazy". I know I should believe him...I do I guess...I just feel insecure?

The whole Jason thing with me, and Im worried John may be flirting with her...although I told him, he cried. so I know he isnt cheating on me.

Im insecure in other areas in the relationship too...texting a lot and talking a lot on the phone.

Any help? Thanks in advance!

[LadyMarchHare]

Have you tried counseling or any sort of therapy? You might try looking up cognitive thinking as well and read up on that. It has some stuff about positive thinking and boosting self esteem, which I think might be what you need. Also beyond the insecurity it sounds like you have a trust issue with him concerning other girls who are in contact with him. It's fairly normal (I guess) but I'd stay away from his phone and stuff and unless he gives you a reason to not trust him, bite your tongue and punch a pillow dear. Good luck.

[Rosebud]

Before it really does turn into a problem I do advice that you resist the urge to look throughan of his stuff. In the end you'll only feel guilty, there's a good chance you will be caught and then it could turn into a even bigger problem. To nip it in the bud now I do recommend sitting down and having a real heart to heart conversation with him. Tell him why you're worried and hear what he has to say and let him reassure you. Then, sve that conersation. Copy and paste it into a word document or print it out and keep it in a journal (if you're the journaling type you might want to write down how you feel directly after you have ths conversation and you are reassured that all is well). This can be really helpful to look back upon and maybe to continue writing in whenever you start to have doubts, but my recommendation is that if it ever starts to get really bad, keep talking with your SO about it. Communication is key here and I'm sure he wants you to feel loved.

[Čternity]

Even though it's tempting I wouldn't snoop, just talk to him as honestly and openly as you can about your feelings about the situation.

[Caitlin2009]

just tell him your feeling like that, dont snoop because you'll break his trust but just let him know how your feeling

[mllebamako]

You guys have been together for almost 2.5 years! You should be proud of that fact and strong in believing his love for you. Is there some other reason you are insecure? Does it come from issues with self-esteem?
Keep focusing on positive feelings. Write a list of why you love yourself. Write a list of why you love your SO and why your relationship is strong.

And like other said, resist the urge to snoop. It will only lead to more insecurities, worries, guilt and possibly him finding out and getting upset.

Good luck!

[Zephii]

Having been together that long, if insecurity hasn't been a problem in the past for you, perhaps it's more a case of intuition. I would look, but then, within my own relationship I'm a terrible snoop and I'm lucky Obi puts up with it. *Shrugs one shoulder* Or you could just ask him if you can look through his phone, I can't see him saying no if he's got nothing to hide. Just tell him you're curious about his life because of the distance, and offer up your own phone in the exchange. It's likely you wont find anything, and you'll feel dumb for being suspicious... but on the off chance you do find something, better to find it in it's early stages and fix it than to let it fester.

[paulawriteslove]

Don't look though his stuff! It's better to just talk it out and develop a great communication between you two.

[LadyMarchHare]

Having been together that long, if insecurity hasn't been a problem in the past for you, perhaps it's more a case of intuition. I would look, but then, within my own relationship I'm a terrible snoop and I'm lucky Obi puts up with it. *Shrugs one shoulder* Or you could just ask him if you can look through his phone, I can't see him saying no if he's got nothing to hide. Just tell him you're curious about his life because of the distance, and offer up your own phone in the exchange. It's likely you wont find anything, and you'll feel dumb for being suspicious... but on the off chance you do find something, better to find it in it's early stages and fix it than to let it fester.

While I'm not one to advocate the snooping, you make a good point and that's actually a good way to gauge if there's something to hide or not. Just by asking "can I play with your phone?" you can ask a "why not?" and see what you get if he says 'no'. Me I have texts from my SO on my phone, some are very weird, but you wanna mess with my phone sure go ahead just don't delete them. Then again I guess it can be about level of comfort as well, but I'm sidetracking here.

[sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks everyone. I did ask Monday night if I could look through his phone and he said no, so I did get it while he showered. I think I shouldn't worry but I feel threatened. He tells me she us weird and everyone at works thinks so, but I don't believe it for some reason. Also, he won't delete these 2 girls from his facebook who he has been intimate with in the past, he said it's crossing a line he made. And he makes fun of them to me, so y would he not delete them? Also, my ex cheated on me but I didn't realize it until we broke up, I was bring naive and I don't wanna b naive with John. But um not sure if I am

[Čternity]

I have a question. What will it do to your relationship if he catches you snooping after he told you not to? Is it worth it? Snooping can be addictive and builds up more angst and paranoia each time you do it, so you need to do it more. I'm sorry he isn't reassuring you as much as you want. I don't know why some guys do this and keep people on FB that way.

[Karringtyn]

You have been together 2 and a half years. I would hope by this point you have established a deep foundation of a relationship.

I too would have snooped after him telling me no. I have NOTHING to hide. I also have insecurities and those insecurities have destroyed relationships...so talk talk talk.

Your ex cheated on you. Your ex. Your boyfriend does not have to pay the sins/faults of the past. IT is time to let it go and be happy.

[Alexandria Lora]

feeling insecure in an LDR is the WORST feeling i have felt!! I hate it and it sucks, but i come from a virtual world (where we met) were it was the norm...finding someone...then finding another. So for me, my insecurity is waiting for the "virtual world" to take him. LOL its silly but it is my true insecurity. I know he loves me and I love him ...and there it is...but its me mind that does the work..the damage. It wont let me just live and be with him or he with me. There must always be something. He said the other day: "your always trying to figure things out" He laughs and says he enjoys the jealousy. I am glad he loves me...cos honestly..Im beginning to think im a wacko! (shhhh dont tell him...oh wait...he knows!) heheh

Seriously, insecurity is just that In-secure. inside..there is no security..inside you. I know this of myself too. So, that means we...should find some healthly hobbies.....exercise...eat better..and stop being nosy with his things. Cause chances are you have an awesome guy and you will chase him away just to see if he really loved you...only to find that you really loved him too and want him back....and that part of it is another story.

stay strong...i am doing the same too!