a bit hurt

[nicole]

,,,,,,

[hxcbreakdance]

Aww that stinks! If you had it planned for a while maybe you can just tell him that it hurt that he did that and maybe he could find time to hang out with you and his friend later in the day? If it were me that's the approach I would go for, maybe some kind of compromise. Hope everything goes well!

[mllebamako]

I can understand your disappointment. You went out of your way to get the sushi and he cancelled on you.
So just be honest with him. Tell him that you had been really looking forward to the Sushi Date and it was something special to you and you were disappointed that he took it so lightly. Maybe ask him if next time, he could give you more warning about changing or moving dates. Let him know it was important to you...because guess what? It's not a stupid date if it means something to you!
Be honest and I'm sure he'll understand.

[paulawriteslove]

I completely understand your disappointment! Maybe you can move your date night to the 5th instead?

[Bluestars]

I have had problems like that with my SO in the past, and I am not very good at dealing with it >.< I do not think you should cancel plans with someone just because something else came up. If something like that does come up and it was really important to him, then he should have asked if it was ok with you first and then set another day to have your date. If you said no though, then he should accept it.

That being said....it is easier said than done because you do not want to seem like the bad guy. The first few times my SO did this to me, I flipped out so then my reaction became the focus of the problem, not what he did. After talking to my therapist (sort of embarrassing), she told me to tell him, "It really made me upset when you did this. In the future, I cannot handle it if you do things like this. If you make plans with me, then you need to keep your word because I will be very hurt otherwise." So that is what I said and the results were a lot better than me yelling at him or coming off as clingy.

I hope you guys get this settled

[LadyMarchHare]

The thing I'm wondering is if this occurred because the day wasn't something he considered wholly important like you do. Yes it's an anniversary, but some people, guys and girls alike, don't see significance in days like that and he might have thought it would be alright to blow it off for another time, that you'd understand it was because of this friend he doesn't see often. I think it was just a matter of perspective on the 4th as anything but another day, y'know?

Like the others said, I'd express why the day was important and that you consider it as/almost as/whatever important as your 'real' anniversary, that you felt hurt that not only was it not respected as such out of courtesy for you, but that you walked a good ways to get the very thing that was part of its importance. God knows the hike I'd have to make for sushi here without a car or bus fare, I'd be pissed beyond comprehension. Glass half full though, at least you celebrated one together.

[LadyMarchHare]

thats the thing, it was his original idea and I agreed it would be a good thing to do. He was excited when I said "it's sushi day thursday" and was asking me what I was getting. now this. It just feels like he thinks it's ok/easier to blow me off because I'm not physically there. that and me having to walk a 2 hours round trip in a not-very-nice neighbourhood.... I'm trying to be rational about it, but I can't help feeling upset =/ I don't even know how I am going to react when I talk to him, anything I say is going to sound clingy or demanding.

Might be his perogative that since it was his idea, it's also his to postpone/cancel on whim for something he deems more important at the moment. That's merely my assumption, I can't read minds. Still that's rather, well, dumb to do such a thing then blow it off all of a sudden with no real explanation. I mean sure it's his friend, but hey guess what you're his GIRLFRIEND. See that extra tacked on before 'friend'? It means there's more to the two of you than this person and if you had supposedly solid plans, guess who should be getting the "Whoops maybe next time?" Not you.

But yeah, I'd totally talk to him about it and mention it was his idea to begin with, that it's like being told you're going to Disneyland or whatever and the day before it's WHOOPS SOLD THE TICKETS FOR FUN FARE FOR ME BYE.

[LadyMarchHare]

Yeah I'm kinda all over the place on the issue, heh sorry.

Really you have every right to be mad for aforementioned reasons, but I'd try not to explode until you hear the full reasoning of this 'rescheduling'. If there's a better excuse behind it then hey, you can still be upset, but if there isn't then you can read him the riot act.

[nicole]

Yeah I'm kinda all over the place on the issue, heh sorry.

ha you're not the only one! just trying to calm down, i don't want to descend to yelling... not my style usually but it happens occasionally... just cool down and wait till he calls and sort it out. *deep breaths* thanks anyway guys, vent session probably over...

[nicole]

just to update- I had to stay on IM last night, was the only medium of communication I trusted myself with. he tried to cancel with his friend but I stopped him. I just think anything we do now will have a black cloud over it, so he might as well go out and see his friend as the whole thing is ruined. He said he forgot the 4th was a Thursday. Which I might add, is a totally random and bizarre day for his friend to be up here- it's a 4-5 hour round trip at least. well, it's done now. I'm too drained to be mad anymore, it's just one of those things... must just get over it and move on.

[Silviar]

I know it's over, I just wanted to say *hugs*. Sometimes things get so bunged that you know 5 minutes of facetime could resolve. It's maddening.

[NikkiP]

Awww *gives you hugs* You should have chat with Nikki because she has a seven hour car ride ahead of her night instead!

I know that I definitely would have asked him to cancel. Sorry it ruined things!

[amandamayaaa]

i hate to even say this, but i have done this to eric before.

one time we had an "amanda and eric" night planned on skype, and then before he had gotten home my friend called me and asked me to go somewhere with him, and unfortunatly, i did

at the time i didn't think of it as a big deal because i was just going to be gone for a little while, but in his eyes, i completely bagged on our plans. at the time i was having issues realizing that skype plans are the same as in person plans, and i was basically putting the distance against us without realizing it. needless to say.. i learned my lesson, and i feel terrible for doing that

you have every right to be hurt by what he did, but that doesn't mean it can't be resolved

make sure you talk to him about it, he probably won't realize he's doing anything wrong unless you tell him it really hurt you. don't attack him, or yell, just tell him honestly how you felt.. thats what eric did with me, and it instantly made me realize what i did was extremely wrong

[Bluestars]

at the time i didn't think of it as a big deal because i was just going to be gone for a little while, but in his eyes, i completely bagged on our plans. at the time i was having issues realizing that skype plans are the same as in person plans, and i was basically putting the distance against us without realizing it. needless to say.. i learned my lesson, and i feel terrible for doing that

That is the exact same problem that my SO had. He didn't understand that having a "webcam date" is the same as having a date in real life. If someone stands you up in real life, there is no question as to whether that is wrong. But for some reason webcam dates are often not seen in the same light. I explained this to my SO and things got a lot better. If he is not sure if he can do something now, he will say straight up that it will depend on whether or not he is busy rather than just saying yes.

[machstx]

I know it's over, I just wanted to say *hugs*. Sometimes things get so bunged that you know 5 minutes of facetime could resolve. It's
maddening.

ditto to this entire statment!