How should I my SO approach his mother?

[DarkSolitary]

So, Me and my SO are definitely closing the distance next summer but theres a problem. His mother. His mother (and father) want him to stay at their house until he is 25 because that is apparently the custom in Mexico... but the thing is, this is the United States and in the United States a child is allowed to move out when he/she is 18 and that's what my SO is gonna do but he doesn't want to have a big huge fight with his mother but he knows that a fight is probably gonna happen. I told him to wait to tell her about his plans of moving out after he graduates but I'm starting to wonder if maybe it would be better if he tells her sooner than that... I know that it's sad to have a child of yours move out but it's the inevitable and also from the way she talked to him she made it sound like she will forced him to stay there if he doesn't cooperate :/ Which is really uncool.

So what do you guys think?

Do you think he should tell her sooner rather than later or stick with the plan of telling her after he graduates?

I kinda want him to tell her sooner so that we can set a date for when he flies here and etc.. but I'm the one who told him to wait so yeah... >_< I dunno what to do D:

Obviously he knows his mother better than any of us do but he came to me for advice on what to do and I want to give him the best advice I can give him possible but I need your guys' help to do that.

[Kirschlein]

If it doesn't affect his grades when he graduates, then i would tell it before. The sooner the better, because maybe his parents will cool down after some time and take it easier when its really happening. On the other hand, if they will try to worsen his life, then i would tell after he graduated. I know it from myself, that you suck at school when the parents aren't on your side, ... its a really deep problem after all.

Hm. Good luck atleast. D: Hope it goes well when he tells them!

[folclor]

well... here's the thing. The whole forcing him to stay thing is actually illegal since he will be an adult at that point. So it will be, regardless, up to him.

As for when to tell them...I think sooner is better. His mom will probably freak out and go crazy and yell and tell him he can't leave and she'll be hurt, but she'll become accustomed to the idea. If she loves her child (like I think she does) she will want what's best for him and she will let him do as he chooses. If she goes overboard with the wanting what's best for her child then that can be dangerous. But you can't really know what a person will do until after the information comes out. I was nervous about telling my parents I was even going to visit my boyfriend and they did freak out and think he was a 50 year old man trying to lure me in, but once I convinced them otherwise they kept their worries to themselves.

I think what his mom would really be worried about is losing her connection and relationship with her son, so he needs to reaffirm that he's not going to break his bond with her just because he's moving.

I hope that helps some. I know how controlling parents can be an issue =/

[Silviar]

I'd also like to recommend this book for him, it may be good reading. If he's not a Christian, he can ignore those overtures as the advice is still pretty solid:

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Wh.../dp/0310247454

[DarkSolitary]

I'd also like to recommend this book for him, it may be good reading. If he's not a Christian, he can ignore those overtures as the advice is still pretty solid:

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Wh.../dp/0310247454

I think I will show him that book He is a Christian. His family is Catholic so this might help him Thanks!

[Dauntedpoet]

I'd also like to recommend this book for him, it may be good reading. If he's not a Christian, he can ignore those overtures as the advice is still pretty solid:

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Wh.../dp/0310247454

I have read this book and if you're christian it is good reading. I had serious issue with the "judicious spanking" of children as a form of boundary setting however, but that is my personal belief.