Tough Times with my SO

[Cali2LDN]

My SO recently told me he will not be able to see me in January and he also confessed to me that he moved back in with his parents like 8 months ago. Him and I recently got over a fight where I was being honest with him and he was mad at me and now its like the tables have turned and lied to me about something so simple and stupid! I am always honest with him about everything and he couldn't be honest about this? Really? I honestly cannot trust he will fall through with the things he promises or says he will do for me.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I told my family and friends he'd be coming in January and now he is not until probably the summer or maybe even a year from now!
I love him so so so so much, but its been a year and 5 months and we still haven't met...
Should I keep waiting hoping he will go through with what he says he will do or just... end it all...

[squiddie]

I don't think you should be completely upset with him over this. He was probably embarrassed about moving back in with his parents, especially if he'd been on his own for a while. And these two things combined sound like a money issue. International travel is incredibly expensive, and if he's moved back into his parents' home, he's probably having trouble keeping financially afloat on his own.

Ask him why he moved back home. I realize it's been ages since you've seen him, and it hurts to have to wait longer, but this is the world we live in. We're young, we can't always scrape together the money to fly around the world, even to be with the ones we love.

[Čternity]

It's so hard when your expectations just get dashed like that. I agree with squiddie, he probably has his pride hurt too by moving back in and disappointing you as well. Just need to keep talking and say to him about being honest even if it's bad news. Don't stop talking with him.

The 'not having met' thing is very tough. Not sure if it's possible but if you can, try to get a date set even if it is late next year. It's much easier to cope once a date is set even if it's hundreds of days away. Make sure you keep your life full of things you enjoy doing to keep yourself busy and lighten the load of waiting.

[garnet]

8 months is a long time to lie (by omission or otherwise). She is supposed to be his partner, and if he felt he couldn't be honest with her, that signals a problem to me.

Cali2LDN, we can't tell you if you should trust him or not, but be careful.

A year and five months is a long time to have been together without meeting. How old are you guys? Do you have the resources to go see him?

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, say this is a one time ego thing... make sure he understands that he can tell you anything, and that honesty is a top priority to you?

[mllebamako]

8 months is a long time to lie (by omission or otherwise). She is supposed to be his partner, and if he felt he couldn't be honest with her, that signals a problem to me.

Cali2LDN, we can't tell you if you should trust him or not, but be careful.

A year and five months is a long time to have been together without meeting. How old are you guys? Do you have the resources to go see him?

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, say this is a one time ego thing... make sure he understands that he can tell you anything, and that honesty is a top priority to you?

I agree with Garnet...8 months is a long time to lie about something so silly. I'm sure it was a pride/ego thing but you should ask him to explain it so you can really understand why he did that.

Also WHY did he say that he cannot see you in January?

[Cali2LDN]

8 months is a long time to lie (by omission or otherwise). She is supposed to be his partner, and if he felt he couldn't be honest with her, that signals a problem to me.

Cali2LDN, we can't tell you if you should trust him or not, but be careful.

A year and five months is a long time to have been together without meeting. How old are you guys? Do you have the resources to go see him?

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, say this is a one time ego thing... make sure he understands that he can tell you anything, and that honesty is a top priority to you?

I am 19 and he is 21. He has to come see me first before I will go see him. Its just feels safer and its a gentleman thing for the guy to go to the girl.
I told him billions of times he can trust me and if there is ANYTHING he needs to tell me he needs to tell me and he just flat out lied.
Yeah I under stand it can be hurting to his ego that he is living with his parents, but know that he carried that lie so long is way more upsetting to me. Heck I'm not even upset that he is living with them I don't care where he lives as long as its not in a box.
I honestly have lost my trust in him and he knows it. He says he is going to win my trust back, but we will see..... only time will tell...

[Cali2LDN]

Also WHY did he say that he cannot see you in January?

Money issues :/

[paulawriteslove]

Well right now money is tough for everyone. I can't tell you to stay or leave him because that's your relationship. The decision is up to you. Best of luck!

[__ms.jaye]

Okay, so I have a couple questions:
-What's his reason as to why he can't come in January?
-Why does he have to wait a year to see you? Like what's holding him back a whole year to come visit you?
-Is it possible that you could go see him?

Because me and my SO were talking about this and he says it doesn't make sense as to why he wouldn't tell you something so small? As well as he thinks maybe he isn't as dedicated in the relationship as you are. I believe that you and him need to have a serious talk about where you want your relatiosnship to go, and what you see in the future. All I can say is to try and talk it out.

[Bluestars]

Hopefully, it was what Squiddie said, which could be possible, but honestly that reason wouldn't even have crossed my mind. What is his justification? I think he deserves to have lost your trust. If that is all there is to it, then he should have to work to get your trust back.

That being said, it sort of does give off red flags, mainly because you guys have not met in person. I met my boyfriend online, so I know they are not all creepers, but you have to be careful--which is good that you are making him see you first. I just do not see why he had to lie in the first place. If he lied about that, what else did he lie about?

[agentholli]

I hate lying FLAT OUT! Let me tell a quick story, that may or may not help you out. My previous bf was also ldr. He lied to me about everything! We had been talking for a real long time like 8 months or something, AND he had come out to visit one time before he told me the truth about his living arrangments...which...were...he was living with his ex-gf. NOW i don't know even to this day, if they were still together when he came out to see me. But it bothered me...i found out about this ex-gf because she said something on a social network site, to my picture of him and I together..I said, he is handsome..and she said, ya he is handsome, to bad he is married b*&ch.. anyway...i honestly don't know what the truth is on her, but it doesn't matter now...I let it go after awhile, he contiued to lie to me about everything.

He NEVER paid for a trip to come see me..i paid for all of them..he said he had money issues..but really he was gambling. He gambled ALL of his money away...and he was drinking too...and cheating on me...yeah..lovely bf huh?

You need to go with your gut on this. See if he can win your trust back. I think everyone deserves a second chance. Make sure he knows where you stand on everything..and let him try to prove it to you again. Good luck!

[Kirschlein]

Hmm... First of all, i don't think it is okay to lie so long about something, so i guess you are right being mad at him. But as others said already, maybe he did it out of embarrassment and proud. Don't be too hard on him, but be careful. Someone who can run around so long with a lie can maybe run around with a thousand lies for a long time. But as i read he seem to be motivated to get your trust back, so time will tell everything.
But for the thing you said about a man should come first... hun, we live in a century where women are equal to men (almost at least) and that means there is no space for such a thing. Especially if you really really want to see him, just forget about this and see what you can do to see him. You didn't see him for such a long time, do you really want to sacrifice the chance to be together with him?
If i were you i would talk about me visiting him, so you two can see each other in January anyway.
But in the end, its your decision after all.
I wish you good luck with it :<
Maybe it's turning around and he finds a way to come to you anyway,... sidejob for one month or something...