i dont know what to say to him.

[machstx]

i feel so alone and the more i tell him how i feel the more distant he becomes. he says he cant do anything right. but i dont think he tries hard enough. and i cant just ignore my feelings. but my head is telling my heart to just let it go for now and in time we will understand and grow to see eachothers needs. he says the same thing that "we will work it out. we will be ok and that he doesnt want to make me unhappy. and thats why i dont stress because i know we will be together". im so hurt and lonely. its wonderful that he says that but feeling go deeper, i mean he thinks we will be "ok" but im not okay and i dont think he tries hard enough.

[Čternity]

What is it that you need from him? I mean we all need our feelings looked after and feel like we are loved but sometimes our SOs can be a bit clueless on what exactly you want them to do.

Can I ask what that means for you? Some people need a daily call or text, others like letters, others emails/ecards, some like flowers or care packages. What exactly do you need if you don't mind saying.

[true_survivor_586]

he says he cant do anything right.
but i dont think he tries hard enough.
im not okay and i dont think he tries hard enough.

Why would he think he does anything right when you dont think he does? By saying he isnt trying hard enough you are putting him down. Why are you not OK? why are you hurt and why do you feel alone
i just have a lot of questions before i can try to helo sry

[machstx]

Can I ask what that means for you? Some people need a daily call or text, others like letters, others emails/ecards, some like flowers or care packages. What exactly do you need if you don't mind saying.

we talk daily so thats not what i mean. i mean i need his support in my trips there as in booking everything, planning everuthing and with money. i need him to make an effort to come here. he can afford it and he can take the time off there isnt an excuse.

i wish he would talk about our plans a little more. i feel like all the pressure is on me because im suppose to move there. i have to find a job and a place to live. i cant live with him.

[machstx]

Why would he think he does anything right when you dont think he does? By saying he isnt trying hard enough you are putting him down. Why are you not OK? why are you hurt and why do you feel alone
i just have a lot of questions before i can try to helo sry

i never told him he isnt trying hard enough thats just how i feel. he gets very defensive if i say anything about my feelings. im not ok because ill tell him i need help and support and he has nothing to say its like pulling teeth. i feel alone because its all on me. i have to set everything in motion, im tired. i want him to make an effort. loving someone involves more than just saying it.

[Čternity]

I'm sorry for all the questions. What would happen if you did nothing? I mean would he eventually ask what's wrong or want to know what's going on ??

With sharing your feelings do you mean he wouldn't like it if you said things like

'Hey I'm feeling really excited about a visit to come and see me. I'd love to talk about plans for that to happen. What do you think?"

'Hey I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the thought of moving to be with you. Finding a new job as well as somewhere to stay feels overwhelming. I'd feel a bit more relaxed if we could talk about our future in a bit more detail. Can we make some time to talk about it next week?

[Kirschlein]

Just confront him with that. Tell him in the same way as you did here. I'm pretty sure he understands.
Maybe he just needs to get pushed, at least my SO needs to all the time. I also have sometimes the feeling he doesn't put much effort into our relationship, but he really tries even if i (as a dummie girl) don't realize it.
And now, after i realized this, we are shortly before our goal. He will come next year, because he also wants to.
Keep your head up!

[Caitlin2009]

sounds like a visit is in order, cant ignore how you feel thats not healthy just tell him something like "i want to feel you in my arms again, i miss that more then anything" or something to that affect *huggles*

[mllebamako]

we talk daily so thats not what i mean. i mean i need his support in my trips there as in booking everything, planning everuthing and with money. i need him to make an effort to come here. he can afford it and he can take the time off there isnt an excuse.

i wish he would talk about our plans a little more. i feel like all the pressure is on me because im suppose to move there. i have to find a job and a place to live. i cant live with him.

Tell him THAT. Yes he may get defensive, but you need to be honest and say, LISTEN, this is bringing me a lot of stress and I feel like I am planning by myself.
You have to talk to him or you'll let it grow inside you until you're even more upset and resenting him for it.

[Yorkshire Girl]

I agree with these posts. You have to find the strength to tell him and be prepared if he gets defensive. Once he knows that this is the way you feel he has to make some choices ...

I relate to your situation. When my SO is away for the 4 months I wish he would be a little more excited and open about how he is feeling when it comes to the time he is coming back home. But in a way I understand that although he is excited to see me, he feels guilty for leaving his family again, kinda guilty for being excited to see me. So then I start wondering what the hell is going on, because I need reassurance all the time.

It is stressful when you are having a hard time and dont feel you can relate to them because they feel sooo distant to you. Just hang in there, tell him how you feel and find the strength to be strong. Hope you are ok :-)

[machstx]

thanks everyone i appreciate you taking the time to read and help we talked lastnight and everything is good. i forget how he isnt good with expressing his emotions. he said "i havent told you but i have been thinking about moving there". just one day at a time.

[__ms.jaye]

we talk daily so thats not what i mean. i mean i need his support in my trips there as in booking everything, planning everuthing and with money. i need him to make an effort to come here. he can afford it and he can take the time off there isnt an excuse.

i wish he would talk about our plans a little more. i feel like all the pressure is on me because im suppose to move there. i have to find a job and a place to live. i cant live with him.

You wouldn't happen to be a Virgo would you?
- Noteably, I feel the same way sometimes with my SO I always have to plan the visits, finances, etc. And he's more the "do-ER" i've come to a realization of this and it makes me feel better from time to time. What works for me is I tell him the honest truth. Just be like "Look you know you make me happy more than anyone else, etc etc etc. But lately i've been feeling really stressed about moving, finding a job, planning the trips and IT MAKES ME FEEL -insert what it makes you feel here- and don't say YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY (i.e. stressed, upset angry) or YOU DONT EVER, or YOU NEVER HELP. It causes the person to shut down if they are an avoidance type person. Hope this helped.

(PS I TOTALLY TOOK A CONFLICT RESOLUTION CLASS IN UNIVERSITY AND I DEFINITLY LOOKED THIS UP IN MY OLD TEXTBOOK IT REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE !! )

♥ *HUGS*

[machstx]

You wouldn't happen to be a Virgo would you?
- Noteably, I feel the same way sometimes with my SO I always have to plan the visits, finances, etc. And he's more the "do-ER" i've come to a realization of this and it makes me feel better from time to time. What works for me is I tell him the honest truth. Just be like "Look you know you make me happy more than anyone else, etc etc etc. But lately i've been feeling really stressed about moving, finding a job, planning the trips and IT MAKES ME FEEL -insert what it makes you feel here- and don't say YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY (i.e. stressed, upset angry) or YOU DONT EVER, or YOU NEVER HELP. It causes the person to shut down if they are an avoidance type person. Hope this helped.

(PS I TOTALLY TOOK A CONFLICT RESOLUTION CLASS IN UNIVERSITY AND I DEFINITLY LOOKED THIS UP IN MY OLD TEXTBOOK IT REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE !! )

♥ *HUGS*

im a scorpio actually haha. well we talked last night and i told him calmy how i feel. i get really stressed easily...and he is very opposite. he waited five years for me so he says he can wait...meee on the other hand lol. a conflict resolution class sounds very interesting!!

[Karringtyn]

thanks everyone i appreciate you taking the time to read and help we talked lastnight and everything is good. i forget how he isnt good with expressing his emotions. he said "i havent told you but i have been thinking about moving there". just one day at a time.

One day at a time. Also something I have to often remind myself of too!

[__ms.jaye]

im a scorpio actually haha. well we talked last night and i told him calmy how i feel. i get really stressed easily...and he is very opposite. he waited five years for me so he says he can wait...meee on the other hand lol. a conflict resolution class sounds very interesting!!

It really helped me out actually, well I am glad you guys were able to talk about your situation.