New here, but seeking advice?

[artincox]

I'm 21, he'll be 20 next month. We've known each other for 8 months next week. Met online, started talking as friends through email. Went to phone, then skype. We've haven't skipped a night of talking since we met. We admitted our feelings for each other 2 months in. Since then it's been like a little fairytale. He's perfect for me. I'm 100% myself around him, and him with me. Only recently (within the past couple months) has there been more strain on our relationship. We are desperate to meet in person (he's in NY, i'm in NC) but neither of us have jobs, or reliable cars. The meeting was supposed to happen in Sept. but it fell through. Since then i've been sort of a different person. This is my first relationship. I'm a virgin, and haven't even had my first kiss. It's never felt right. With him though it's different. It's the same for him (virgin, etc) and we both agree it finally feels right. Though i've said to allow for the possibility sex won't happen on the first visit. I havent changed that much. lol But i've never had these feelings, i've always been quite emotionless. But with this i feel so much, so strong. And i don't know how to deal with it. He may be able to come in January. But i'm just so frustrated at this point, we barely have the fun conversations we used to. We are at a complete stand still and i have no clue how to handle it. We talk about him moving to NC and us getting a place together, but with the financial situation it seems like that will never happen. I'm so frustrated and stressed, and we've never even met in person yet. I really just have no clue what to do here. If anyone has any sort of advice it would be greatly appreciated.

[__ms.jaye]

I'm so frustrated and stressed, and we've never even met in person yet. I really just have no clue what to do here. If anyone has any sort of advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Alright, well first of all WELCOME !!

Second of all to be honest, your relationship is still fairly fresh, I wouldn't be stressing about it too much... I think that what you feeling is perfectly normal as you guys are still in the "honeymoon stage" or the "twilight" zone trust me some are fortunate enough to have this period last longer than others. For example mine ended about 3-4ish months in. But Nevertheless, you guys have not met, just because you have chemistry emotionally, spiritually, etc does not exactly mean you will physically. YOU MUSN'T STRESS about what you don't know yet. Physical stuff comes naturally to a person, when they have a significant amount of feelings towards one another. That may or may not come when you meet (I'M HOPING IT DOES!!) So that you don't need to stress about just focus on how much fun you guys have together, and how happy you make each other.

Furthermore, I believe that before you two can even begin to THINK about moving in you need to have a plan. Because a goal without a plan is just a wish. You both need to get jobs, plain and simple it is almost if not impossible to have a long distance relationship with no money, (airfare, bus tickets, car expenses etc) to make those visits possible you need a source of income. So my advice to you to sum it all up would be to:
1.) Meet first and see how your chemistry is in person, the physical stuff will happen when you both are ready for it IN PERSON
2.) Get a job, or find a source of income in order to keep your relationship stable, and to even think about having visits you need some cash money!
3.)Don't worry, continue to do the things that make you happy in your relationship while still focusing on a plan or a goal.


Hope this helped !

[Zephii]

8 months really isn't that long. Just breathe deeply, try to be patient, and use this site's famous list to keep things interesting while you wait.
Meeting in person is awesome, yes, but there's a lot you can do for each other in the mean time, and besides that missing him will get a whole lot harder to deal with once you know what you're missing out on.

If it feels right at a distance and you're both very honest with each other, you have very little to worry about. There's no rush to meet. Your love is no less real just because you have not met in person to make sure. Just do what you can, keep your end goal in mind and try not to worry about things you can't control.

and welcome to LFAD

[Čternity]

Welcome.

It is very depressing when a visit falls through and can be draining to not having met yet with no clear plans to be able to. Many people on here are in that boat.

Are you in school which is why you don't have a job? Do you live at home? If you want this to happen you need to get money behind you. If you live at home will your parents 'let' you visit or vice versa?

Work out how much money it will take for one or the other to visit. Start working on getting a job and get a plan to meet. Having concrete plans will take some pressure off and give you something to look forward to.

[Silviar]

Welcome to the forums. Life is tough for a lot of people money-wise right now, and you need to have your first meeting first just to seal the deal before the moving and whatnot. So, give yourselves both a plan to meet - like how you can get money, etc. and plan for a meeting date. It may not be as expensive as you think to see each other. Many of us commiserate about your money situation, trust me. Unfortunately, when it comes to LDR, you can put a price on a relationship. :/

[mllebamako]

Be patient, these things take time.

I'll ask the same question everyone's been asking: Why can't you both get jobs? If this is something you both really want, it's going to take some work and some planning. If you can both work and pool your savings. You guys are relatively close distance wise, so a plane ticket shouldn't be ridiculously expensive.
Take things one step at a time. Don't allow yourself to worry about things like moving in with him...you'll have plenty of time to think about all that later! Focus on the present and make a plan.