Announcement

**amb85** · November 10, 2010, 01:01 PM

That depends. I'm not really sure how long you guys have been together or what your current situation is. How far away from each other are you two now? Do you still plan on attending school if you get an apartment?

If it was me I would attend the school. An hour away isn't bad at all. School will allow you to make friends easily and since you aren't used to being away from home that is very important. It will also allow you guys to ease into being closer rather than being long distance than living together 24/7...that is a huge change. You are young there is no need to rush it.

**Silviar** · November 10, 2010, 01:05 PM

Why are the apartment and the college mutually exclusive? Personally, I would highly recommend going to college or other post high school education if you want to get a good white collar job - and preferably a few internships under your belt so you're competitive. You could live in the apartment and then drive to college every day you have class. Or you could stay at the college and he could come over every weekend. It still allows for weekly dating.

What sort of school/job prospects do you have if you move to the apartment? Do you have money to support yourself should you not be able to get a job? Part of being independent is being able to take care of yourself in an emergency, so I'm wondering what network do you have in place if you need it.

**sahljbs** · November 10, 2010, 01:07 PM

Well, to answer your questions we've been together for 9 months. I live 1200 miles away from him

If I move, I'll be working instead of attending school (the school I would attend isn't accredited, therefore wouldn't help get a good job) that way eventually I could pay for my own apartment.

One of the things that kind of hindered me for just deciding to go to college, is the college I would attend is very strict. They're ultra-conservative Christian so dating my SO would be incredibly hard.. Everywhere we went we would have to have a chaperon, and we wouldn't be allowed to hold hands, or hug, or touch each other at all unless I wanted to be kicked out of college.

I do agree, it's a major change and living close to each other every day would be such a dramatic change for "kids" so young.

To answer any other curiosities as to the seriousness of our relationship, I'm promised to him. I wear a promise ring, and within 3 - 5 years we plan to be married.

**squiddie** · November 10, 2010, 01:07 PM

I'd take the college an hour away, frankly. That way, should the worst happen and things go south, you'll have that safety net of your new college friends to fall back on. Everyone there will be going through the transition of living in a new place, whether they're 10 minutes from home or living on another continent. The hour will also provide a little bit of distance when you need to focus on school--when that midterm's coming up, the two-hour round trip that you could devote to studying will be a good reason to stay in one weekend. And then you'd still have a reason for being there, whereas if you move to this new city solely for the purpose of living with your SO...what do you do if the bottom drops out?

An hour is totally doable for weekend visits, or even if you have a short day class-wise, going out to visit or having him come see you on a week day.

As for maturity, I'll be honest, every 18 year old thinks they're mature beyond their years. We don't know really how mature we are until we're tested as people--and this will definitely do it for you. If you're up for the challenge, I'd say go for it.

ETA: Would it be possible to apply to other colleges in the area, ones that are accredited? IIRC, most college application deadlines aren't until January.

**sahljbs** · November 10, 2010, 01:10 PM

Originally posted by Silviar View Post

Why are the apartment and the college mutually exclusive? Personally, I would highly recommend going to college or other post high school education if you want to get a good white collar job - and preferably a few internships under your belt so you're competitive. You could live in the apartment and then drive to college every day you have class. Or you could stay at the college and he could come over every weekend. It still allows for weekly dating.

What sort of school/job prospects do you have if you move to the apartment? Do you have money to support yourself should you not be able to get a job? Part of being independent is being able to take care of yourself in an emergency, so I'm wondering what network do you have in place if you need it.

Well, as to job prospects, I have about 50 different jobs I could apply for that don't require higher education. My father and mother would support me while I get onto my own two feet, and I would be applying for jobs as soon as I got there so I wouldn't have to rely on them.

One thing I might want to add is that my SO doesn't really want me having a "career".. We're both very family-oriented and he only wants me to work after we're married if we MUST have that income to live relatively comfortably. Prior to marriage, however, he doesn't mind me working. Just doesn't really want me to have a full-out career

**amb85** · November 10, 2010, 01:19 PM

I'm sure there are other schools that you could attend. Although you may have tons of jobs to apply for now but later on down the road it won't be so easy. It is hard to get a job these days without a bachelors degree not impossible but you have a better chance if you have a degree. Your SO may not want you having a career but its about what you want and you need to prepare for you future whether he is in it or not. I wish you two the best but anything can happen. You said you are a very independent person, but if he doesn't want you to have a "career" that will make you very dependent on him and if something were to happen between you two then you wouldn't have any education to fall back on when looking for a job.

**mllebamako** · November 10, 2010, 04:18 PM

Originally posted by sahljbs View Post

One thing I might want to add is that my SO doesn't really want me having a "career".. We're both very family-oriented and he only wants me to work after we're married if we MUST have that income to live relatively comfortably. Prior to marriage, however, he doesn't mind me working. Just doesn't really want me to have a full-out career

I'm sorry...I just HAVE to ask. Your SO doesn't want you to have a career??! What do YOU want?

**lucybelle** · November 10, 2010, 04:56 PM

Originally posted by mllebamako View Post

I'm sorry...I just HAVE to ask. Your SO doesn't want you to have a career??! What do YOU want?

I agree with this. I understand you're head over heels for this guy, but you're YOUNG. You have to take care of YOURSELF first. I know you're promised to him and what not, but that doesn't mean that a few years from now something could change. I mean I'm only 23 but I think about how I was when I was 18... I was a completely different person. I wanted different things then, I acted differently... I'm so changed in just 5 years. Think 10, 15 years how you'll be!

I'm going to be the bearer of bad news and say you need to go to an accredited college and get your education even if it's far away from your SO. If you're so mature, you should know this is the best choice for you.

My SO is planning on moving in with me, but before we made that decision we had to do a lot of talking about how we were going to make it work financially and realistically. Would he have enough money to support himself? Can he help me pay the bills? What if things don't work out? What will he do here?

We both agreed it is really important to make sure that WE are safe. To make sure that he has somewhere to go if things don't work out. That he can get his job back. That I'll still have a place to live.

You have got to think about yourself.

But in the end, it's your decision. Good luck!

**Rugger** · November 10, 2010, 05:31 PM

Originally posted by mllebamako View Post

I'm sorry...I just HAVE to ask. Your SO doesn't want you to have a career??! What do YOU want?

Don't to be a Debbie Downer here but what happens IF you two break up and you are stranded without a degree? Or you get married and divorce? How are you going to support yourself? As nice as It would be to be close to your SO, an education is MORE important in the long run. An hour is NOTHING in the scheme of things.

**mllebamako** · November 10, 2010, 05:37 PM

Originally posted by Rugger View Post

Don't to be a Debbie Downer here but what happens IF you two break up and you are stranded without a degree? Or you get married and divorce? How are you going to support yourself? As nice as It would be to be close to your SO, an education is MORE important in the long run. An hour is NOTHING in the scheme of things.

Yes. This. PLUS honestly it really bothers me that you are letting him decide your future based on what HE wants...

**squiddie** · November 10, 2010, 06:02 PM

Originally posted by mllebamako View Post

Yes. This. PLUS honestly it really bothers me that you are letting him decide your future based on what HE wants...

Agreed. While it's hard to know what you want to do for your whole life at 18, what is it that YOU want?

If you want to be a housewife, that's cool--but even an associate's degree is better than nothing if worse comes to worst and you need a job. It's very difficult to rely on one income, even if the breadwinner is bringing in a significant amount.

**Zephii** · November 10, 2010, 06:27 PM

This whole thread makes me go 0.o

Here's my 2c:
* Family orientated is great, but don't vow that you'll spend your life as a housewife until you try it. Honestly, being supported and looking after the kids isn't half as fun as it sounds. Being a kept woman isn't for everyone, and can be seriously limiting. (Yes, this is from experience)
* The whole not wanting you to have a career thing sends big red flags up. Sensible mature women NEVER want to put themselves into a situation where they are wholly dependent on their partner.
* What happens if for some reason down the track he becomes unable to work (accident or redundancy or something)? You wont be able to step up to the plate and provide for your family because you'll be uneducated and have no real workforce experience. This is not a good plan.
* The college sounds whack with the strict rules and I personally wouldn't do it. You also said it wont help you get a job? Don't waste money on a school that wont give you a future - that's just daft.
* Love wants you to be the best you can be - love doesn't want you there just for it's own pleasure.

Carrots xx

**sahljbs** · November 10, 2010, 06:42 PM

Thank you all for your input. I sort of regret asking now, as I'm not so used to a "what would you do" sorta thing being attacked right and left.. Anywho. I'd like to clear something else up.

I WANT to be a housewife. I dont WANT a career. I WANT to raise a family.. I've grown up this way. I babysit children who aren't my own on a daily basis and am like a mother to them. I know it's not all what it's "cracked up" to be. It's hard, but I WANT that as much as my SO does.. Which is why I'm so fine with my SO preferring I not have a full-out career.

I understand the different opinions on the educational opportunities. I apologize I didn't include all the details in my original post. You see, my parents are very conservative Christians, and have always brought me up to attend Christian colleges. Now I didn't always listen. I had looked into and planned on going to a community college near my SO that had everything I was looking for. But after looking into prices, and details, and comparing what branch of study would be most beneficial to me, I came to the conclusion that community college just isn't for me. We all have our preferences, right?

I also realize that if things were to go south, as many do, that I would be left "high and dry". You see, the thing is.. That's not going to happen. I can guarantee. I know, many of you think I must be extremely immature, don't know reality from a dream world, and have no true view of what life really is like. Believe me, I do. I know IF things were to go sour, I would be screwed. But they aren't going to. Laugh at me, or tell me how stupid I am for saying that, or tell me how immature I am for thinking so. You can throw all the slander you want at me, I really don't mind it.. I just know, the love my SO and I share is forever. We're promised to each other and have been so for a couple months now. In 11 months of knowing each other, we have only once had a true "fight" in which we took a step back, discussed it, understood each others' view, and worked to resolve it rationally. My SO and I have a bond not many people do. I understand if many people don't really grasp that, and I sincerely apologize if I sound disrespectful as I do not intend to sound that way.

Any further input would be greatly appreciated. And I do very much appreciate every word of input received thus far

**squiddie** · November 10, 2010, 07:05 PM

We're not attacking you. We're just asking you to confront every possible outcome. None of us ever go into these things thinking they're going to end, and yet, there's several divorced members here. Ask them.

If you WANT to be a housewife, then hey, that's for you. But who's to say you can't make yourself marketable should the worst happen? I'm sure there's excellent, accredited Christian colleges near your SO, even if they're not your denomination or as conservative as you and your family want. Having attended a state university, I can tell you that I had friends who were able to maintain their strong beliefs and choices in morality, despite not being at a parochial university.

I would suggest looking into accredited schools that offer business courses--you don't need a major, but if you took some basic economics, finance, etc courses, I feel like with whatever degree option you chose, you would be able to pitch in should the very worst happen. Even a 2-3 hour trip isn't unreasonable for a weekend.

Announcement

Decisions, Decisions

Decisions, Decisions

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment