I can't do it anymore

[Rosebud]

I can't. I can't deal with knowing that neither of us have a clue. That we're both struggling and trying and not getting us anywhere at school or careers or life. That every time I talk to him at his home I don't know if his mood is going to do a sudden downward spiral because he hates his family and they won't leave him alone. That I can't even call him. That his last texts told me to leave him cause his family won't and he wants me to. That all I was trying to do was tell him I was scared because we nver had a serious talk about our future together, if our long term potential goal was to get married. I tried to bring it up in a calm, mature way so we wouldn't find and argue or get upset. And then he has to go cause his mother is yelling at him and I'm left stranded knowing I brought up this horrible topic that's going to be weighing on our conscious until Friday cause that's the next time we'll talk. And that I'm so scared that I don't love him as much as I say I do because how does someone even know if they're in love unless they've been in it before and how do you distinguish that from a crush or infactuation like we get with other people. And that I can't even type properly because I'm crying so hard and I have to go to work in an hour and all I can think is that I can't and don't want to do this anymore. That I'm not strong enough for long distance with no end sight because neither of us have the means or know how to end it. I just don't even know what to do, I don't and I feel like I'll never stop crying and now I'm going to be crying at work.

[Silviar]

Sometimes in relationships all we can do is keep trying and working through it until we can do no more. And that includes both sides. Things happen; life happens, and times can be hard. It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel down and hurt; let yourself have some space to cry, hun.

Then give yourself a chance to look at it objectively. You do have a lot of stress on your relationship, and yes, right now it's hard because you feel like you're spinning your wheels. but every day you work towards bringing yourself together is a day well spent. Give yourself a chance to talk to him.

*hugs*

[Caitlin2009]

awww honey *huggles* you dont know what your future holds just yet so dont give up! i seem to recall you wanting to do the same thing when you didnt when you guys could visit each other but look you eventually did! if you can wait all those months for a visit you can wait however long to be together forever, just try and be patient

[MissShortie]

I don't have any advice for you and I wish I could help you out... if you ever want to talk to anyone I'm here to listen

[mllebamako]

I was so sad to read this, Rosebud. I can really feel that pain through your words.
I think that Silviar gave some really thoughtful words of wisdom here:

Sometimes in relationships all we can do is keep trying and working through it until we can do no more. And that includes both sides. Things happen; life happens, and times can be hard. It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel down and hurt; let yourself have some space to cry, hun.

I don't want to give you advice because I can't know what's truly in your heart. Sometimes it's worth the fight and sometimes you really can't, or don't want to, do it anymore. And that's okay.

I'm here for you if you need to talk.

[agentholli]

I am so sad to hear this I can tell you are in a lot of pain. I am so sorry. I also don't have any advice, I can't tell you what you are feeling. Just know that we are here for you if you need to talk. Sometimes the best thing to do is to seperate yourself some and allow time to think about everything.

Hang in there!

[5000miles]

*hugs* Like the others have said, it's hard to give advice in this situation. Only you know if you can handle the stress. Yes, some days are better than others. As long as you believe it's worth it, you'll find the strenght to keep struggling through the tears and the hard days. But we don't know what's in your heart. You are the only one that can decide if it's worth it for you.

I wish you the best of luck and remember we're here to talk.

[Čternity]

Rosebud, I feel for you. Slow down. When things are too overwhelming or too much, too fast, for me I just stop. Work out what absolutely needs to be done in the next day or few days. Are there a masses of little things you can get done fast? If so, do them, get the little stuff out of the way first. Feels good to get a few little wins and stuff off your list.

Once you have a bit of time, then think about stuff that needs to get done in the next week then the month.

Don't try and change your world all at once. Get some breathing room first. Maybe now isn't the right time to talk about the big future. Sounds like he is overwhelmed by family stuff. Just focus on the day to day and take it day by day for now.

I know it's always better to have the big goal set then break it up into smaller goals and move forward. But seriously, clearing the little stuff that clutters up your life and mind will suddenly open up time and space to think more clearly about the big stuff like love and committment and long term plans.

[Miramaid]

all the great advices BUT!!! I feel the same thing the author is feeling. I am in LDR as well and the thing is that it looks like we will be for at least another 5 years and may be more. And it scares the crap out of me! I am 26, he is 30. If we stay in LDR for at least another 5 years I will be 31-32 and he will be 35-36 and only then MAY BE we will be together every day finally. BUT 5 years is the minimum, but what is the maximum he dosent know. I talked to him today and I asked him "when are we finally going to be together every day?" and he said "I do not know" Well and here is me missing him like crazy, not having ANY security and looking at a VERY big possibility that we are going to be LDR for I do not know how long. I want a family, I want children, I want at least to know when exactly we are going to be together forever and have it all. Yes I understand taht he wants a career and for whatever reason he can not have it being in the same state I am in. AND I can not move with him because I am not an American and I am tied up with a lof of visa and law requirements... It scares me to not be sure that he will not find someone closer during all those years and leave me. Or that during those years he will not just change and become a different person and since I am on a distance I will not notice those changes quickly. I do not want to waste MANY YEARS waiting for someone and not know when and if we are finally going to be together. I NEED A PLAN! I need a plan of when and how are are going to be close. HE DOESN'T GIVE IT TO ME!!!! IT drives me nuts! I agree with the author and of course I an focus on little things all I want but that will not help me with the bigger picture :'( I too do not know what to do coz I love him, I do not want to leave him, I want to be with him, but at the same time the fact that we are going to be long distance for years and I do not even know how many years makes me feel ridiculously insecure. I wish he just freaking moved here coz I just can't deal with worrying about it all the time :' (

[mllebamako]

all the great advices BUT!!! I feel the same thing the author is feeling. I am in LDR as well and the thing is that it looks like we will be for at least another 5 years and may be more. And it scares the crap out of me! I am 26, he is 30. If we stay in LDR for at least another 5 years I will be 31-32 and he will be 35-36 and only then MAY BE we will be together every day finally. BUT 5 years is the minimum, but what is the maximum he dosent know. I talked to him today and I asked him "when are we finally going to be together every day?" and he said "I do not know" Well and here is me missing him like crazy, not having ANY security and looking at a VERY big possibility that we are going to be LDR for I do not know how long. I want a family, I want children, I want at least to know when exactly we are going to be together forever and have it all. Yes I understand taht he wants a career and for whatever reason he can not have it being in the same state I am in. AND I can not move with him because I am not an American and I am tied up with a lof of visa and law requirements... It scares me to not be sure that he will not find someone closer during all those years and leave me. Or that during those years he will not just change and become a different person and since I am on a distance I will not notice those changes quickly. I do not want to waste MANY YEARS waiting for someone and not know when and if we are finally going to be together. I NEED A PLAN! I need a plan of when and how are are going to be close. HE DOESN'T GIVE IT TO ME!!!! IT drives me nuts! I agree with the author and of course I an focus on little things all I want but that will not help me with the bigger picture :'( I too do not know what to do coz I love him, I do not want to leave him, I want to be with him, but at the same time the fact that we are going to be long distance for years and I do not even know how many years makes me feel ridiculously insecure. I wish he just freaking moved here coz I just can't deal with worrying about it all the time :' (

If I were in your situation, I would feel the same. Especially since you want to have kids. I am someone who NEEDS plans. I need to have a rough outline of my next few years or I feel like I'm going crazy.
I saw on another thread that you've only been dating for 6 months so it's maybe too early for him to make a commitment. But I think that it's questionable that he's not even considering making a plan with you.