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I was a bad girlfriend...

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    #1

    I was a bad girlfriend...

    Alright, so most of you must be thinking that I cheated which is not the case at all ! This is kind of a long story, and i'll make it short and to the point I promise.

    So in the beginning of our relationship my SO has this friend, and I would occasionally text him, and he would text me every morning saying "good morning" and he would continue to text me for the better part of the day. On two occasions I ended up texting his friend faster than I was texting my SO. Only because I didnt want to be rude, but it hit a nerve with my SO and I ended up deleting his friend's number. And that was the end of that.

    Then on monday, I was playing online with his friend once again and we we're having a conversation about my SO (a very cute one only good things were being said) and we ended up getting each others numbers again so we could continue our conversation. My SO found out and wasn't very happy. So the next morning it was 6am in the morning and i sent a text message to his friend randy by complete accident and we ended up texting for a little bit while him and my SO were together. My SO found out and got upset. And he explained that it hurt him very much and made him feel less important than his friend.

    I feel awful, and I honeslty only text his friends so that I feel like I am still with him in a way, "part of the gang" type of thing. I agreed to stop messaging him for good if it hurts him that much, but how can I make it up to him I feel awful that I hurt him so much?
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    #2
    It sounds like your SO has a case of low self esteem when it comes to the situation, if not just jealousy. If you were texting the friend more than your SO, he had a right to feel hurt and I'm surprised he wasn't thinking you guys were running around behind his back since it could be taken that way. Have you guys talked it out more than the finding out the bare bones of why it upset him and promising to not text the friend anymore? Because to me that sounds like a big sit-down situation where he needs reassurance and your undivided attention for a good while. Maybe suggest you guys have a movie night, set aside x amount of time one day to talk/game/whatever you guys like and just give your whole attention to him and show him affection. Soothe the wounded pride, so to speak.

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      #3
      Yeah I know, I feel awful. I think I know because his friend was somewhat flirty with me in the beginning of me and my SO's relationship. But I figured that now that his friend has a girlfriend it would be okay. My SO and I talked about it last night, and I reassured him that I love him more than anything & I was so sorry, I left him a sweet voicemail in the morning before I went to work I just feel as though it wasn't enough. He was so upset by the entire thing like almost in tears. I also think that because my SO has been cheated on twice before he's very much so more sensative to the idea of cheaters. As well as his parents got divorced because one cheated on the other. It just makes me feel more terrible because I knew all this stuff and I still went behind his back so to say.

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        #4
        You're allowed to have friends. You're allowed to have the same friends as your SO. You're allowed to text those friends. You have not done anything wrong.

        I think you's need to talk about it. And maybe your SO needs to talk with his friend too. Saying "I wont text him anymore" doesn't solve the underlying issue. And eventually you'll likely lose a lot of friends just because your SO feels threatened. So talk, then talk some more.

        I don't think you really have anything to make up for, but I'd start with texting your SO a bit more, and perhaps doing something sweet for him. It sounds like he's like more attention, so something that involves him in the spotlight should work.
        Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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          #5
          Originally posted by __ms.jaye View Post
          I also think that because my SO has been cheated on twice before he's very much so more sensative to the idea of cheaters.
          He needs to be able to separate YOUR relationship and his past ones. Has he been sensitive like this before? I agree with MarchHare that you need to have a sit down and give him lots of attention. Tell him you feel bad for what's happened, but that you are here for HIM and HIM alone. He needs to trust you to go and text/chat with other guys.

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            #6
            Originally posted by __ms.jaye View Post
            Yeah I know, I feel awful. I think I know because his friend was somewhat flirty with me in the beginning of me and my SO's relationship. But I figured that now that his friend has a girlfriend it would be okay. My SO and I talked about it last night, and I reassured him that I love him more than anything & I was so sorry, I left him a sweet voicemail in the morning before I went to work I just feel as though it wasn't enough. He was so upset by the entire thing like almost in tears. I also think that because my SO has been cheated on twice before he's very much so more sensative to the idea of cheaters. As well as his parents got divorced because one cheated on the other. It just makes me feel more terrible because I knew all this stuff and I still went behind his back so to say.
            What should I say though, just reienforce my love for him? Or ask him why he doesn't like me texting his friend? Is that too direct?

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              #7
              Originally posted by lucybelle View Post
              He needs to be able to separate YOUR relationship and his past ones. Has he been sensitive like this before? I agree with MarchHare that you need to have a sit down and give him lots of attention. Tell him you feel bad for what's happened, but that you are here for HIM and HIM alone. He needs to trust you to go and text/chat with other guys.
              Yeah, this makes sense I pretty much don't have any "guy friends" nor do I text any on a regular basis. And yes he has been sensitive and jealous at times for guys before. It has calmed down since the beginning of our relationship but whenever it comes to this one particular friend it hits a nerve.

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                #8
                Nothing is too direct. There should be nothing you can not discuss Besides, direct is good, it stops people getting confused.
                Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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                  #9
                  Alright yeah i'll try to figure out something.

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Zephii View Post
                    Nothing is too direct. There should be nothing you can not discuss Besides, direct is good, it stops people getting confused.
                    Agreed. Have it out and have it settled.


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