I feel like he doesnt love me any more

[Miramaid]

I have posted several posts on here, but this is my first topic.
I do not know...Things have been very hard lately. We are a young couple and by young I mean we have only been together 6 months. Long distance since July... He is 30 and I am 26. I feel like he doesn't love me any more but just doesn't want to let go or just come out and tell me. I do not know why I feel that way, but he is not the same as before and he has been distant.
Whenever I bring it up, he gets defensive and just says that it is me who doesn't love him any more and he is doubting my feelings and I say it coz I want to break up with him and just do not want to say it O_o it is not true at all. I want to be with him like crazy! But I just do not feel the same on his part.
I would like to ask guys who are out there, did you ever keep LDR even though you did not like/love the girl any more? Has anyone ever felt that way before? What did you do? Is there ANY way to find out how your loved one really feels about you? I mean I am going nuts here coz I just do not feel that he loves me and if he doesn't I would like for him to just break up with me coz it is a torture to always feel like you are being rejected. He says he loves me but lately less and less and only after I say it. There is no that lovydowy feel to how he talks, he is pretty short and if we used to stay connected 24/7 now it is ok if he just messages me on yahoo a few times through out the day... I just feel like he has given up or found smb else :'(

[true_survivor_586]

this is my first ldr *only person worth it* but i have felt this way, then i realized how stupid i was being, of course ur gonna feel not so loved sometimes compaired to all the love you feel when you two are together, if you think the other person in a relationship isnt giving their all *long distance or not* your going to have problems. I know my SO gives it all he has *that may not be much sometimes* i think that every once in a wile we just forget to give love in order to give it, ask urself are YOU doing enough? cause if he is feeling the same way towards u as you are him then something is going on

[Miramaid]

I think I really am giving him all I can and I think I do way more for this relationship to work. My friends say so too and most of them think that he doesnt deserve me :'(

[hxcbreakdance]

I don't know you but maybe if your friends are saying that and you think so too is it possible that you would be better without him? You need to have a major talk with him, maybe try wording what you say so he won't get so upset about it. Communication is a HUGE thing with any relationship, especially with long distance added to it. Good luck with everything!

[britt0851]

My opinion is, follow your heart. Usually if you follow your heart, you make the right choice, however it doesn't always work out that way. Also, you're a woman so follow your womanly instinct and gut feelings. I realize I'm only 20 but anytime I've made a big decision and I was confused about it, I just went with what my instincts were telling me and in the end they were always right. What things have ya'll done lately as a couple? Whether it's have a movie/t.v. night together, listen to music, read, talk about great memories ya'll have together/some of the plans ya'll have for the future and even phone sex (if you guys do that).
Anways, no I've never gone through this before but if I did I would break up with my SO the moment I realized I didn't love them anymore. I feel that it's completely/totally unfair to keep someone hanging on if you don't love them anymore. It's ok to not have the same feelings for a person that you used to, but it's not ok to lead them on.
My opinion would be for you to put your foot down and demand for him to clear out some time just for ya'll one night and ya'll lay everything on the table. He needs to hear exactly what you're feeling and going through and you need to know what's on his mind and what he's feeling. If it seems like, the conversation is going nowhere, then try asking him flat out, do you wanna break up? Would you be happier wihtout me? See how he reacts to that and hopefully it should tell you something.

[Miramaid]

when I ask him that question he turns it on me and says that I act like that because I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM but I just do not want to say it. I do love him very much and I want to be with him but I do not feel like he does or at least not as much as I do. And I do not understand if that is the case why he just would not tell me and move on? :'(

[Dauntedpoet]

If you love him like crazy but your having doubts, its very probable that he is thinking the exact same thing about you, and is pulling away because he thinks you've found someone else and will be dumping him. If this is the case, than every time you ask him about wanting to break up...he's gonna think YOU want to break up with him. If you love him, really love him, its not going to hurt you any less if you dump him first. It doesn't work that way. If you love him fight for him, fight for your relationship, and trust him.

I have been through this at the beginning of my relationship, I know the torture you're talking about. Once we crossed this hurdle as a couple, we never looked back, there is nothing but love and trust there now.

[britt0851]

when I ask him that question he turns it on me and says that I act like that because I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM but I just do not want to say it. I do love him very much and I want to be with him but I do not feel like he does or at least not as much as I do. And I do not understand if that is the case why he just would not tell me and move on? :'(

Then turn it back on him and say no I'm acting this way and asking you these questions because I love you and I want a straight answer on how you feel about me and us. Give it to him straight and tell him if you don't love me or don't wanna be with me anymore, then fine but at least man up and have the balls to tell me, instead of playing games with me and hurting me.

[Èternity]

Have you told each other what you need to be in this relationship? Do you need to talk daily? Do you need to get a webcam each so you can see each others faces? If you can honestly say to each other, 'yes I want to work on this, what do you need?' Then you can move forward.

I'd straight up ask him what do you need in this LDR that you feel I'm not doing that makes you think I want to break up with you? Concrete things you can do, not some odd feeling that you dont seem like you want to be together.

btw, some guys will make a relationship so tough to make you have to break it off first so they can't get the blame for doing it. Is that what this feels like?

[Miramaid]

"btw, some guys will make a relationship so tough to make you have to break it off first so they can't get the blame for doing it. Is that what this feels like?"

That is exactly how it feels

[mllebamako]

To answer your original questions, yes. I have felt like an ex didn't love me anymore, and it turns out he didn't.

Of course your situation is different from my old one but from the other posts you've made I feel like your SO doesn't seem committed to making even a loose plan for the future. And he also seems like an extremely poor communicator, he is always turning the blame back to you and not actually discussing anything.
You need to get him into a serious discussion to figure out what he really wants.

I'm sorry about your situation and I hope that things work out.

[Zephii]

I didn't read all the replies, so I'm sorry if I repeat something..

Love is fluid. You can't expect yourself to love him, or him to love you, in the exact same amount or same way every single day. It shifts around. So it's ok to have a few days of disinterest, to be preoccupied or whatever. The foundation of love is often there when the over-flowing enthusiastic love isn't. So try not to stress.

I'm also thinking that perhaps it's just harder for the two of you to feel connected over distance. If he's being honest in what he says, he feels the same way you do. To me, that seems like a connection problem (haha, I sound techy). Find better ways to share your lives and connect on a deeper level, and you'll likely get past this.

[__ms.jaye]

Alright, I have gone through similar moments in my relationship as well, sometimes it just takes a serious talk. It seems as though he is missing some love and affection from you as well, try doing something nice for him to show him how much you care about him, a sweet email with a list of 10 reasons why your in love with him, maybe a voicemail just saying something sweet, or if you guys skype maybe wearing some a little sexy for him? Just something to reinforce your feelings towards him. Also, have a talk saying I feel like we've become so distant, and it makes me feel .... I say this over and over and over again because in my university conflict resolution class it is better to say WHEN THIS HAPPENS IT MAKES ME FEEL -BLANK- instead of saying, you do this , and you make me feel, and you, you, you, it comes off as an attack which will naturally cause someone to be defensive.

As for the friend issue, a lot of my friends said and still say "I don't know how you can do it", "I'd never be in a LDR", "Don't you think you could find someone closer?" you can only listen to your thoughts and your heart. Bring the doubters on they don't matter at all.

Hope this helped. ♥

[Miramaid]

Thank you it did help I do tend to think too much and to stress out and that does no good to both of us. I need to learn how to relax and not stress out and be more positive.
It scares me that we will be on a distance for YEARS but ... we will make it through as long as we both want to make it through. Thank you!

[monita1847]

Good luck with everything!! its like, it doesnt matter whether u ll be apart for a shorter time or a longer time..what matters is that u believe u ll make it thru