in need of some hope/faith.

[xsomanymilesx]

me and my boyfriend have been together over a year now - we met for the first time a month ago and honestly it just made me even more sure that hes the one for me.

so anyway, hes coming back in february for another vacation to see me and to look for somewhere to live over here since he is moving here for good in july til the following july when i finish college.

hes a univeristy student but he cant study over here (he cant afford international fees) so he is taking a gap year, to be with me, hes going to come over and get any job he can, and find a place to live and just.. be with me.

but anyway, i was talking to my parents and they just but a dampner on things saying how its gonna be so expensive for him to live here ect... and i dunno. i know its like realistic things but i just cant think about it right now, like the fact of him coming over and it not working out and him having to go home cause he cant afford it.

im just scared, weve waited so long to be together and im terrified it wont work out when he moves. i know its not really a problem i can deal with directly since its not happend yet but it is a worry of mine.

i was just wondering if any of you have ever been in this position, how did you stay positive? did the move work out in the end? i just need kind words, some inspiration and just some hope and faith cause i feel like im losing mine

thanks x

[Silviar]

Well, I think the key to remember here is he has until July to save enough money to support himself, and he has time to look for a job, and get himself set up. Most likely he'll probably end up renting with others, but that's ok - that's what growing up is all about, figuring out how to live independently.

Your parents probably just don't want you to have high expectations of living life in the fast lane or something. It's expensive to live in any big city when you compare salary/living - but you know what? People manage to live in those places just fine.

[Miramaid]

I do not know...I am an international student myself and if I was coming to live with my BF I would expect his help (and possibly his parent's too). Not that I would rely on him completely but I think I would expect to at least live with him for a while before I find a place to stay (and if his parents are against me staying with him)

BUT! I believe this is BETTER than another year apart! Way better! And things will work out and yes it will be stressful for him and he will need all your moral support and encouragement when he looks for jobs and all, but if you guys get through this you will be together. I think distance is a killer and if he wants to come to be with you - take it! ANd support him.

[London-FortCollins]

Your going to be ok. Honestly you will.

Of course keep practical and realistic. I would say sit down and work out a budget - together. Dont leave him to do all the hard work because he's the one moving. Work out what monthly outgoings are likely to be based on average rental prices, travel, food etc etc (Dont forget the "fun" things like dates and movie rentals etc)

Then that'll give you a clear idea of the sort of job he'll need to get. And aim to save - between you if you can, this is a joint thing after all - at least a month or so's outgoings to give him a bit of a cushion when he first gets there if hes not able to find a job right away.

Having a clear plan makes everything so much more achievable.

You've got the oppurtunity to close the distance in less than a year! Seize it!!! Seize it and dont let it go!

[Rosebud]

I totally agree that this is something you guys have the ability to work through and that I don't think you guys will fall apart. People always surprise themselves at just how strong an resourceful they really can be and you will adapt if things get a little rough in the beginning. And there's a whole section in the forum where you can read about LDR success stories so don't be frightened! Just because something starts out long distance does not mean it can't work out close distance as well.

But I also agree with Silviar in that your parents are probably just trying to protect you but saying the things they are Don't let it get you down. If they have these worries then maybe ask them if they'd like to work with you to find a solution to resolve them. Best of luck And be excited you have the opportunity to close the distance so soon!!

[Riyko]

If he's planning on working over there he should be applying for jobs over there so he'll have a job lined up for when he moves there (to get a work visa), just know that the whole process won't be easy for him and finding a job will be the same.

[BlackCherryJam]

I can understand that your parents are worried about you but even parents don't always know the best. If you think about budget and other practical stuff together, you can do it. Wish you luck with everything! It's great that you can close the distance soon!