Problem, can you guys please help?

[**DollFace**]

what do i do? ok so i just found that my SO has another LD girlfriend. I don't mean to be mean and i usually have a bad self image but i obviously think i am way prettier than her. He says he loves me, he does not love her anymore but he doesn't like to break up with people so he is just waiting for her to finally say it is over. She chewed me out for messing with her boyfriend. He says he doesn't care about her and he is happy she is finally gonna dump him but now he is saying he is going to be in a bad mood this weekend because of the breakup. When i told him that was on my mind cause he was bugging me about what i was thinking about he got in a bad mood. he said it was because i would even think she was any compitition(sp) to her. He also threw in my face he bought me a V-Day gift today and he didn't get her a thing. What do i do? I love him but if he still loves her i don't know if i could still be with him. But he swears he loves me alone....Help?

[kraut]

I'm sorry to say this, there is no 'good' way or gentle way, once a cheater always a cheater. He cheated on her with you and most likely he will do it again. It is hard to acknowledge that people don't change but most of the time they don't, especially when it is easy to hide the 'problem'. In a LDR you need to be able to trust your partner more so than in a local relationship. If he does not cheat again your suspicion will likely hurt the relationship. By having someone else, weather you came first or not, and weather you are the favorite or not he is displaying a bad pattern in his relationships.

[**DollFace**]

I'm sorry to say this, there is no 'good' way or gentle way, once a cheater always a cheater. He cheated on her with you and most likely he will do it again. It is hard to acknowledge that people don't change but most of the time they don't, especially when it is easy to hide the 'problem'. In a LDR you need to be able to trust your partner more so than in a local relationship. If he does not cheat again your suspicion will likely hurt the relationship. By having someone else, weather you came first or not, and weather you are the favorite or not he is displaying a bad pattern in his relationships.

I know....i just, i love him so much. He swears he loves me and gets pissed off when i even say the littlest things bad about myself. It just....hurts to let him go...

[kraut]

I know it does. I had a cheating boyfriend (we were only LD for a few months as I studied abroad mid-relationship). He never stopped cheating on me until I stopped it. The only way to stop it is to break it off. He had cheated in the past and I was convinced he had changed. I was the one that was going to 'save' him because he loved me so much. Unfortunately I found out that I wasn't going to save him but that he was going to tear me down. The break up was hard. He was very consistent, he really didn't want me to go, but I had to stand up for myself.

I am sorry if my posts are harsh and bitter. I am not bitter towards you but rather trying to give you a frank WARNING: Cheaters are bad news! I am sorry that you have to experience this

[**DollFace**]

I am sorry if my posts are harsh and bitter. I am not bitter towards you but rather trying to give you a frank WARNING: Cheaters are bad news! I am sorry that you have to experience this

it's fine. harsh is the only way some people can understand

[Taija]

That's certainly not something you should take lightly. He might say he loves you, but actions speak louder than words - he didn't tell you about the other girl until now AND he cheated on her. How can you know if he's not going treat you the same way?

You've only been together for a month, so it's hard for you to know what kind of person he truly is and if he's going to change, but I personally wouldn't take that risk.

[Mio]

I agree with what Taija said. Think it thru, because playing with 2 hearts at the same time is something serious. I hope you can make a good decision that leads to your happiness. Best wishes!

[Andy]

I'm sorry you had to find something like this out about him

Maybe it's best you did though - unfortunately I have to agree with what's been said already, as harsh as it may sound.

Sure people change, and some people stay together after they find something like this out but I could never forgive anyone who did something similair to me. Personally, trust is something you get one shot at, because if you break it once, you'll never ever get it back to 100%.

Good luck, I hope things work out.

[**DollFace**]

Well as it happened before we started the realtionship he mentioned her but he said that he liked her for years and now he has a problem cause he meets me and loves me more. Then as we started dating i assumed they had split up but i just found out thay are still in a relationship, that hurt. He is waiting for her to break it off

[uk_girl]

He should break it off with her immediately if he knows how much it hurts you.

Why not approach him about doing this?

[**DollFace**]

i'm afriad he might get upset. i'm not sure but i have always not had real backbone when standing up for myself. He knows how much it hurts me but he gets upset bacause he thinks she is no competition(sp) for me and i shouldn't worry about her cause he knows the relationship is ending