(Aside: Oh man, so not brief. Also, it was supposed to be a blog entry, but I decided to post it in the forum--sorry, I guess I need a lot of support lately! D: ).I will try to make this brief, since I just got off the phone with my SO and want to go downstairs and relax. As well, I went to my first, official yoga class ever--I'm in love!!! I have done some yoga in dance classes and such and rented a video, but this was wonderful! Thus, my neck and back are feeling fairly pain free and loose and my mood is still feeling up, so I don't want to stay on the computer too long. I do need to vent, though (and maybe someone will even comment! 
).
1. Lately, I feel a bit like we have a case of the "last to knows" again. What I mean is that I am feeling a little left out again sometimes when he relates so much information to me and then forgets to tell me something vital or amazing, because he has already told a whole bunch of people and figured he told me already. I know that it happens with LDRs and with any relationship and I likely have done it to him, too. ...but it wasn't so bad for awhile and now it is a bit like that again. Plus, he talks about the people he is getting to perform his compositions, etc. but pretty much never about his three best friends. I know, I know...I'm to avoid complaining about them! I do feel I am much better on the jealousy front and much more secure in having met them, better understand the nature of their friendships/ saw where he stood and they stood, and talking to him about things that have made me feel uncomfortable or jealous. So, from what I hope is a much more secure and logical place, it does seem a little odd that he never talks about them lately (and yet, G, of all people, was the first to comment on the album of photos I posted from his September visit...so they must be aware of goings on and such). From Facebook updates (just seeing stuff in the feed--I swear I am not being a creeper), it seems like G and L have some pretty big stuff going on in their lives and I am surprised that he doesn't talk about it at all (where he used to talk about some of these things before). Now, my insecure half would say that maybe I was so fastidious in the discussions about some of their misbehaviours and working through some of the difficulties that have arisen in our relationship out of jealousy issues, that he's closed off a part of his life that he used to be open to me about--that would suck. Or, something which also upsets me, is that it could be that they all really aren't socializing or spending time together and that maybe he is a bit lonely, after all (e.g., L was supposed to play one of his compositions and that was set in stone for the longest time and now he said that he had asked one of the professors to play it. I didn't know if I was just out of the loop and that they had long ago decided she wouldn't do it or if there was some sort of rift between him and L?)--this is something I can't really do anything about, I suppose...but I wonder if I should ask what's going on with them and him lately. On the other hand, two previous boyfriends really pulled the stunt on me where they played on my abilities to sympathize with people (sometimes to the point of manipulating me so that I wouldn't go out and do things) and champion the under dogs and would often gripe about having no friends, not going out, etc. and really get me to pour in lots of attention, encouragement, and time for them only to find out that it was really untrue and that they did have friends are were maybe even flirting up a storm when I wasn't around. While I think it is a different case with my current SO (he's not so sulky or lone wolfish as they were and definitely does have good social skills, etc.), I would like to avoid falling into the same cycle again.
2. William and Kate. The engagement news is everywhere! So, I thought I would talk to him about it tonight and discuss, particularly, how interested the Americans vs. the Canadians are (related to historical events, of course). That was fine, but we had kind of a sticky wicket when we started talking about how long they had been dating. He said that he thought William was kind of forced into proposing and really "respected" that William had waited so long to propose to truly assess if he and Kate would be compatible for a long-term, happy marriage and that they were already living together and had a house and stuff...so the marriage, itself, wasn't really important. I do agree with what my guy was saying, essentially, but I also thought that ten years of dating was a really long time to be "assessing" someone (maybe not for such a public marriage--their situation is exceptional, I know). I think it may have been that my SO was just purely focused on the topic, but I had ulterior motives and wanted to get some of his ideas about marriage. You see, my SO (somewhat even before being "official," though with his earlier wish-washiness) has been good about commitment in action...though sometimes takes time or discussion to label or describe things, so he does sometimes find talks about really serious commitments (like closing the distance) really scary--he will sometimes get really silly, shut down, or we will end up in a fight. As you can see, I am consequently afraid of approaching the topic of marriage and this is likely the second time that I have, I guess, introduced it into the conversation in a palatable (and one might say, "tricky") way (before, it was about SYTYCD Canada and one of the dancers proposing to his dancer girlfriend live at the finale. How it was really romantic and sweet...to which there was this anxious and pregnant pause. We both did agree that something public like that is also kind of not cool, because it forces that person to say yes and, at the very least, suffer some embarrassment). Deep down, I would ultimately like to get married and hopefully sometime before I am ancient (okay, that sounded ridiculous and be certain that I am in no hurry to rush into things...but I also don't want to date a guy for ten years and, well, continue dating him and be unable to find someone else who would be right for me and would make the ultimate commitment that I am looking for. ...and I guess I will be honest that being a 20-something and seeing 30 approaching closer each year does freak me out that I would be lonely in such a youth obsessed culture-->yes, there are SO many counter arguments and stories to that and I just gave myself a few of those, but they don't eliminate that fear completely.). He may not know how I feel about marriage (or know that when we close the distance that I would prefer we live nearby each other, but not together...unless we are engaged--again, my personal belief/ feeling...so, don't knock it, please). I do now get the feeling like he maybe doesn't believe in marriage or, if he does, won't ever marry someone until he's dated them forever and ever and ever. It is way too early for us to be thinking about marriage, of course, but it does make me feel badly to think that he might not consider me as marriage material or that he won't ever ask me that beautiful question (pardon the pun, but "I'll cut you a spare key" just doesn't have the same ring to it for me).
Phew! Now, I am going to practice some yogic (did I get that right?) breathing and giggle at this mullet guy
. I do see that there are some threads on marriage talks, so I might have a look at those later...but I hope you don't mind me posting about my situation, too.
).1. Lately, I feel a bit like we have a case of the "last to knows" again. What I mean is that I am feeling a little left out again sometimes when he relates so much information to me and then forgets to tell me something vital or amazing, because he has already told a whole bunch of people and figured he told me already. I know that it happens with LDRs and with any relationship and I likely have done it to him, too. ...but it wasn't so bad for awhile and now it is a bit like that again. Plus, he talks about the people he is getting to perform his compositions, etc. but pretty much never about his three best friends. I know, I know...I'm to avoid complaining about them! I do feel I am much better on the jealousy front and much more secure in having met them, better understand the nature of their friendships/ saw where he stood and they stood, and talking to him about things that have made me feel uncomfortable or jealous. So, from what I hope is a much more secure and logical place, it does seem a little odd that he never talks about them lately (and yet, G, of all people, was the first to comment on the album of photos I posted from his September visit...so they must be aware of goings on and such). From Facebook updates (just seeing stuff in the feed--I swear I am not being a creeper), it seems like G and L have some pretty big stuff going on in their lives and I am surprised that he doesn't talk about it at all (where he used to talk about some of these things before). Now, my insecure half would say that maybe I was so fastidious in the discussions about some of their misbehaviours and working through some of the difficulties that have arisen in our relationship out of jealousy issues, that he's closed off a part of his life that he used to be open to me about--that would suck. Or, something which also upsets me, is that it could be that they all really aren't socializing or spending time together and that maybe he is a bit lonely, after all (e.g., L was supposed to play one of his compositions and that was set in stone for the longest time and now he said that he had asked one of the professors to play it. I didn't know if I was just out of the loop and that they had long ago decided she wouldn't do it or if there was some sort of rift between him and L?)--this is something I can't really do anything about, I suppose...but I wonder if I should ask what's going on with them and him lately. On the other hand, two previous boyfriends really pulled the stunt on me where they played on my abilities to sympathize with people (sometimes to the point of manipulating me so that I wouldn't go out and do things) and champion the under dogs and would often gripe about having no friends, not going out, etc. and really get me to pour in lots of attention, encouragement, and time for them only to find out that it was really untrue and that they did have friends are were maybe even flirting up a storm when I wasn't around. While I think it is a different case with my current SO (he's not so sulky or lone wolfish as they were and definitely does have good social skills, etc.), I would like to avoid falling into the same cycle again.
2. William and Kate. The engagement news is everywhere! So, I thought I would talk to him about it tonight and discuss, particularly, how interested the Americans vs. the Canadians are (related to historical events, of course). That was fine, but we had kind of a sticky wicket when we started talking about how long they had been dating. He said that he thought William was kind of forced into proposing and really "respected" that William had waited so long to propose to truly assess if he and Kate would be compatible for a long-term, happy marriage and that they were already living together and had a house and stuff...so the marriage, itself, wasn't really important. I do agree with what my guy was saying, essentially, but I also thought that ten years of dating was a really long time to be "assessing" someone (maybe not for such a public marriage--their situation is exceptional, I know). I think it may have been that my SO was just purely focused on the topic, but I had ulterior motives and wanted to get some of his ideas about marriage. You see, my SO (somewhat even before being "official," though with his earlier wish-washiness) has been good about commitment in action...though sometimes takes time or discussion to label or describe things, so he does sometimes find talks about really serious commitments (like closing the distance) really scary--he will sometimes get really silly, shut down, or we will end up in a fight. As you can see, I am consequently afraid of approaching the topic of marriage and this is likely the second time that I have, I guess, introduced it into the conversation in a palatable (and one might say, "tricky") way (before, it was about SYTYCD Canada and one of the dancers proposing to his dancer girlfriend live at the finale. How it was really romantic and sweet...to which there was this anxious and pregnant pause. We both did agree that something public like that is also kind of not cool, because it forces that person to say yes and, at the very least, suffer some embarrassment). Deep down, I would ultimately like to get married and hopefully sometime before I am ancient (okay, that sounded ridiculous and be certain that I am in no hurry to rush into things...but I also don't want to date a guy for ten years and, well, continue dating him and be unable to find someone else who would be right for me and would make the ultimate commitment that I am looking for. ...and I guess I will be honest that being a 20-something and seeing 30 approaching closer each year does freak me out that I would be lonely in such a youth obsessed culture-->yes, there are SO many counter arguments and stories to that and I just gave myself a few of those, but they don't eliminate that fear completely.). He may not know how I feel about marriage (or know that when we close the distance that I would prefer we live nearby each other, but not together...unless we are engaged--again, my personal belief/ feeling...so, don't knock it, please). I do now get the feeling like he maybe doesn't believe in marriage or, if he does, won't ever marry someone until he's dated them forever and ever and ever. It is way too early for us to be thinking about marriage, of course, but it does make me feel badly to think that he might not consider me as marriage material or that he won't ever ask me that beautiful question (pardon the pun, but "I'll cut you a spare key" just doesn't have the same ring to it for me).
Phew! Now, I am going to practice some yogic (did I get that right?) breathing and giggle at this mullet guy
. I do see that there are some threads on marriage talks, so I might have a look at those later...but I hope you don't mind me posting about my situation, too.
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