cheating

[Miramaid]

I know this has been discussed before but I still thought I would go ahead and post this anyways

So the thing is....no matter what people say and think about cheating, people cheat.
I have never cheated myself but I have been cheated on many times. I know that my BF cheated on his previous GFnds. Even though we talked about it and he gets offended when I ask him what he thinks about cheating he always says that we ARE on the same page about it and and that he doesn't want either one of us to cheat and he hates the thought that I think he MAY BE is cheating on me. We are 26 and 30 and he is VERY attractive (like a male model) and gets a lot of attention, so you now...no matter what he says to me, I always have a feeling that him cheating is VERY possible for many different reasons.

I guess my question is has ANY OF YOU EVER cheated? Lets all be honest (especially guys, coz I have noticed guys lie about it a lot or just keep it silent - no need to do it here. We are here to understand each other) and if you have why did you do it? Did you feel ashamed afterward? Did you tell your partner? Did you do it more than once? How did you expect your partner to react?

How do you all deal with the thought that cheating is VERY possible esp if your partner is attractive and young and he may really love you and all but physical part of it is physical part of it that not everyone can resist (esp considering the distance)? And of course 99% you will never find out. How do you deal with it? Do you just not think about it? Do you accept it as a fact and move on? Or you you blindly trust your partner and blindly believe that he/she would never do that? What about those husbands who cheat on their wives even thought they do not want her to leave and break the family (and same goes for women)? So if even in those cases ppl cheat, do you really TRUST your partner so much to not have sex with other people while you are away (may be for many years)?

[Tabitha]

Neither my SO or I have ever cheated in the past, or in our current relationship. I have been cheated on in the past though.

I trust my SO completely. Heck, we're talking to each other all day long through texts and online from the time we get out of bed until the time we go to bed. It'd be hard for either of us to cheat.

[LadyMarchHare]

This being my first relationship, I've never cheated and really I can tell you the opportunity would never arise even if I wanted to. Being overweight, I've never gotten a lot of positive attention from guys that wasn't a farce so it would be hard for me to find even a slightly willing partner.

My SO, I'm not sure if he's ever cheated in the past or if what he had with some people was just sex anyway, I don't honestly care. He is attractive and I know he gets flirted with, but I don't find the possibility he'd cheat to be real because I do trust him and the things he's told me about the types that come after him and how he reacts, I can't see it being a problem. If I ever thought he'd cheat his butt would be on a leash shorter than the length of a tube of chapstick.

[SeattleLove]

My SO and I have both been cheated on in our past relationships and we know how much it hurts, that's why both of us are totally against cheating. Not only because it hurts, but also because it's wrong. Having a relationship means to be completly committed to that one person who is your partner. Period. Nobody else fits in that equation.
And to your problem;have a little trust in him. I know, people say "once a cheater always a cheater" but that doesn't have to be true for everyone. Do you know his reasons for cheating the last time? Do you know how good his relationship was at the time he cheated? There are so many aspects leading to cheating and if you keep your relationship on a steady and good level he won't have the urge to cheat....

[Elissa]

Yes, I have cheated once before in my previous relationship. I don't think that once a cheater, always a cheater applies in every situation. I would never hurt my girlfriend that way.

[Čternity]

Never cheated or been cheated on so you understand where views are coming from. I'm going to respectfully disagree with a few points.

I don't think cheating is inevitable or even very possible in all relationships or even LDRs. Yes we are all human but just because a young attractive guy/girl walks by and propositions me doesn't mean I'll fall over with my legs in the air or vice versa. I'm not sure cheating is any more likely if you or your SO is attractive and young. But would love to hear from other posters about that especially the young attractive ones. I'd feel a bit disrespected if I were young and attractive, on reading that. Also, I've known some pretty unattractive older guys that would get it away given any chance they got.

I don't think cheaters are 'bad people'. I think it was a choice they made at one time in a particular instant for a reason only they know. Doesn't mean they will necessarily do it again. What I am more sure about is if you bug someone enough, accusing them of cheating, when they aren't, they probably will end up cheating eventually because they are getting punished for it anyway.

How do you deal with it in an LDR? It's the same way you deal with it CD. You can't watch someone 24/7. It's just one of those things you have to deal with. It's a choice whether you keep worrying about whether they are going to cheat or not. It's about trust until someone gives you reason not to trust them. It's about the committment you make and the respect you have for your partner. If the relationship isn't working, sort it out or get out. Then take up with someone else.

[Trethsparr]

.
I don't think cheating is inevitable or even very possible in all relationships or even LDRs. Yes we are all human but just because a young attractive guy/girl walks by and propositions me doesn't mean I'll fall over with my legs in the air or vice versa.

^This.

I've expressed my views on cheating in a recent prior thread, so I won't restate myself to infinity and beyond here. But, in short, people can make mistakes and learn from them. Or not. It's up to the person. Cheating is not inevitable in all relationships, though. Each relationship has its own pitfalls; no one gets through them without A LOT of work and not always in the same areas of struggle as others.

[Miramaid]

All he said about cheating was "Men cheat not because they do not love the woman they are with, but just because they want to cheat"
I do not think there were any particular reasons why he used to do that. Probably just had an opportunity and took it (that is my best guess)
and he is not just attractive, he is smoking HOT so I KNOW he has plenty of opportunities. I am not trying to be doubtful here or anything, I am just trying to be realistic. Even if we were close I would still be worried about him being hited on all the time. Now when we are far away the reality is that he gets a lot of attention and there is NO WAY I would ever find out if he did or did not cheat, but there is a possibility and I am just trying to be realistic about it. But I am not denying that THAT being a possibility doesn't bother me. It does! Very much! So how do I deal with it?

[mllebamako]

Wait ...what? If he says that men cheat because they want to cheat...why do these men get in a relationship? Why not just single and do it up all over town?
Oh well.

My view on cheating: It is wrong and there is no valid excuse. There are situations that I hear of where I think, Ok I can see why that happened. But I think that the person could have always stopped themselves and changed the situation. I cheated on a boyfriend in high school, I could have easily stopped and I should have just broken up with him before it got to that point anyway.

As for your man being "smoking HOT"...IMO this has nothing to do with "reasons to cheat". Ugly people cheat too. Just because a man is hot doesn't mean he is going to cheat. I think my man is gorgeous and I know he would be a hot item on the West African man market....but I trust him and it is very very hard for me to imagine that he would cheat.

[Darth_Taco]

I've cheated in all my previous relationships. To this day I'm not sure why, I kind of just did it to see if I could. I was 16 a drug addict, and a flat out idiot. To this day, I still don't really regret it. It's not like they were good relationships or like I ruined any aspect of the relationships. I will only apologize to God for being unfaithful, but I found them good learning experiences.

I have no cheated on my current boyfriend, before or after ending the distance. I won't lie, our relationship started a bit like infidelity. He was with his ex when he told me that he loved me. He broke up with her two days later and we got together then though. I think part of it was because I was his second relationship so he had no idea how to end it without being an idiot. She's forgiven him since since she saw that he had no intention to hurt her, she's still her best friend. Her bisexual best friend now though xD, I'm the creepy homo across the street ;D (we're both dudes).

All I can tell you is figure out why you're so insecure in this relationship. Do you honestly think he would cheat on you like his ex? Don't get me wrong, a history of cheating gives you a reason to be suspicious, but considering you chose to be in a relationship regardless of that you can't really use that as an excuse. Just make sure you're both on the same page as to what is considered cheating. Does flirting count? Can drunken mistakes be excused? How touchy feelly can he get with the opposite sex (or same, being gay I obviously don't judge :P)? Basically, stuff like that. You'll be surprised how people can be on completely different pages there. Calmly discuss that with him and find compromises on what you don't agree.

[LadyMarchHare]

Wait ...what? If he says that men cheat because they want to cheat...why do these men get in a relationship? Why not just single and do it up all over town?
Oh well.

My view on cheating: It is wrong and there is no valid excuse. There are situations that I hear of where I think, Ok I can see why that happened. But I think that the person could have always stopped themselves and changed the situation. I cheated on a boyfriend in high school, I could have easily stopped and I should have just broken up with him before it got to that point anyway.

As for your man being "smoking HOT"...IMO this has nothing to do with "reasons to cheat". Ugly people cheat too. Just because a man is hot doesn't mean he is going to cheat. I think my man is gorgeous and I know he would be a hot item on the West African man market....but I trust him and it is very very hard for me to imagine that he would cheat.

I've met some guys who believe that because they're young and good looking, they're entitled to these women who throw themselves at them for sex even when they have one girl who would kill for them back at the apartment. They don't want to 'waste youth' or something. And I agree, older and uglier people cheat for various reasons whether it's because they have money, their home life isn't good/boring, or they're just assholes who want a quickie with a secretary or hooker. All kinds cheat. Hot piece of ass or no, if he's not sporting a heart of gold in his chest then you can guess he'll consider it, at the very least.

[Čternity]

and he is not just attractive, he is smoking HOT

I'm sure you think he is... he may not be to everyone even if he is model quality. To each his own I say which is a good thing. The issue of whether he will cheat or not has nothing to do with how good looking he is. It's about his own integrity and the strength of his committment to you.

As regards what to do about it, your choice is simple, you either worry yourself to death about him cheating for all the reasons you've said or you trust him until he proves untrustworthy. It's actually that simple. But I'm not sure why you would want to be with someone that you aren't sure is trust worthy??? You either trust him or you dont.

[Caitlin2009]

nope never have, almost in my last "relationship" but never followed through should have though with all the people he did stuff with behind my back

[sabby64]

I cheated once, kind of, back when I was 15... That was 4 years ago and it still hurts to admit :P I would never cheat again because my ex cheated on me for 4 months before finally moving to be with his new girlfriend... It was the worst time of my life, and took months to get over. So I know what it feels like to have your partner betray your trust, and I also know all the signs and can pick them up right away.

I don't think Brandon would cheat on me, even though he's a hot 20 year guy old fresh out of college. For one, he's completely loyal, two, he has no interest in going out with anyone else (he would rather be by himself at home), and three, it isn't going to be terribly long until we close the distance, maximum 2 years. So I doubt that he would feel like he is 'wasting his youth' or anything. We see eachother often enough for that. I trust him 100%, and he trusts me 100% too. It's awesome.

[AquaMan]

I've cheated before. Honestly I don't regret it, and I have learned from my mistakes. I don't see it as such a big deal though, it was just lust, not love. I think that it's just something young guys have to get out of there systems sometimes.