I Screwed Up Big Time - Need Advice

[JohnnySocks]

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[Zephii]

I only skimmed that, so if I missed something that's my bad. But..

First, before you do anything else, cut contact with your ex completely. Move house if you have to, because seriously, you're just going to stuff up again if you don't do something. Get rid of her stuff if there's any still in your place - put it all on the front yard, let her know it's there, then lock the doors and pretend you're not home. If she starts destroying your stuff call the cops. DO NOT LET HER IN. If need be, get an AVO/restraining order put on her. Change your email addresses, your phone numbers and any other way she can contact you. It might also be wise to put a pin on your phone and pc seeing you're not careful enough to keep them out of other people's hands.

Aside from that, don't pester the girl too much, and don't try to buy her love. Contrary to popular belief, women don't all fall for the expensive gifts thing. Work on repairing your friendship before you try and get her to commit again. At this point, staying in her life is the important thing, if it's supposed to happen the relationship will pick up again down the road. Give her time, and show her you've changed. Not necessarily by telling her the steps you take to get rid of your ex - only bring it up if she asks! - but by showing her that you are learning to become stronger as a person. That you will be able to protect her and her daughter in the face of adversary rather than giving into pressure like you have in the past.

Hope that helps.

[nicole]

^^ I agree with Zephii here. Your ex, even without your SO in the equation has to go. If she still has stuff in your house I would pack it up, put it on your lawn, and if she doesn't come to get it in a certain time limit, give it to goodwill. With the dog, I dunno, but really, she should have a friend who can look after it. You have no relationship to her anymore, the dog is not your responsibility. That being said, if there really is no-one else, there's nothing you can do there. You can throw out belongings but not a dog. Just anything you can do to get the ex out of your life- do it, it isn't healthy to keep her in your life.

I would not start throwing gifts at her or pester her, obviously she has a lot on her mind and a daughter to think of. Keep the communication up though for sure and let her know you are thinking about her and doing everything you can.

[Riyko]

i agree with Zephii

On to my post and my point, I think you rushed into a relationship too fast, you broke up with your ex in May and got into another relationship in June and had your new girlfriend over in July. After 3 years in a relationship and I don't care how bad it was or the reason for breaking up, but you should never get into another relationship that fast, it could easily make your ex think that the relationship meant nothing to you. I bring that up because my ex and I broke up in July after being together for 3 years 1 month and neither him or I could ever think about getting into another relationship that fast because the feelings for each other are still there.

While I don't agree with your ex girlfriend behavior her stuff should of been out of the house all at once and less then a month after you broke up not over a span of time. I also don't think you should be trying to buy the last girl's love back, work on your friendship before you work on your relationship because without the friendship working a relationship never will. Also you will have to show her that your not a pushover just saying it sounds like an empty promise (something you say, but never actually do).

[Dauntedpoet]

Johnny,

Actions speak louder than words, she has a child and the drama she has seen in your life is frightening for me to read about but I'm sure it was terrifying for your SO to think of her child seeing something like that.

If you want her back, even if its only a CHANCE of having her back... MOVE someplace your former doesn't know about, change your email address's, your online id's, AND any phone numbers she knows about, only give out the new information only to people that absolutely MUST know. Then go down to the police station and ask them about how to file a restraining order against your ex. I know you say its all settled and she is gone, but just the thought of her being able to do it all over again infront of your SO's child is enough for her NOT to even think about returning. Even if you can't actually file a restraining order against her at the time (I don't know the limitations) find out exactly what you would need to do if she does it again.

Once you've done all those things, then write an email to your SO telling her about the changes in your life you've made, because even if you two don't work it out, you won't ever allow ANYONE to be victimized in your home ever again (that is how it should be anyways).

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, and so far all you've done is say\write words to her (gifts don't cut it, because anyone can spend money) SHOW her you are serious! Win her back with actions!

I know I sound horribly bossy here...lol... but its because I want you to win her back and live happily ever after. GOOD LUCK!

[mustangapril]

ok here's the deal, from my perspective. If I was in this situation I would be acting exactly like your SO has. The drama is/was RIDICULOUS and not necessary. The way you handled things with your ex was being a pushover and a door mat in my eyes. You need to step up and show her you are a MAN and you will not take anymore of this crap from your ex (no matter if you "think" the ex is done with it)

There was a great suggestion for moving but since you said she was moving it was pointless, I am assuming she is leaving the state? If not, MOVE. She can always just "show up" or write you or something. Next, CHANGE YOUR NUMBER. There is no reason for her to have your number anymore and if you tell your cell phone company you are being harassed (because you were) they should change it no questions asked. Also, block this psycho on every email and social networking account you have as well as any mutual friends or any of her family members. Doing things these sets up a very strong case for you if you ever have to take her to court to get a restraining order and yes, I am serious about this. Make sure you have that copy of the police report when you first had to call to get her removed from your residence.

THEN, state to your SO what you have done and be confident in your voice that you have done this and this crap will NOT happen again. Let her know that you sincerely apologize for allowing your ex to walk all over you especially with the intimidation and threatening tactic she used with the email (by the way, do not EVER allow someone to manipulate you again this way unless they have a gun to your head!!!!). Be sure to state every specific thing YOU have done (not what she has done aka moving). Your SO wants to see strength and confidence in YOU.

I hope things work out between you two.

For future reference, I highly suggest not allowing any exes things to stay in your home. You have every right to tell them "you have until ______ to pick up your stuff" and then you have every right to drag it outside or sell it (wait, you may need to check the laws on that for your state---I"m repeating Judge Judy and she's in California)

[Karringtyn]

As a Mom myself...there is NO way I would allow my child to have to endure and see that drama. No matter how much I love the man..my child(ren) come first. I agree that actions speak louder than words. The fact that you emailed her and told her it was all true...I can't grasp my head around that. The power you allow(ed) this woman to have over you scares me. You may think "she is on her way out"...I hardly think so by the way you are talking..I worry for you...especially loving this woman as much as you do...BE careful!