Didn't really wanna post this...

[sagittariusgirl89]

I dont wanna post what Im about to post because it is probably really trivial sounding:

My parents are always stressing me out. My dad smokes pot and he gets sleep deprived and ends up sleeping in the kitchen and he wont listen to me when I say go to bed, he just denies that he was sleeping. My mom is always in pain and lately she has been a little sleep deprived too...

John tells me to ignore it, but I find it hard.

I can't move out yet so thats out of the question.

I just wanna focus on my relationship and be happy, but im worrying about my parents most of the time.

They don't listen to me when I speak up about how they make me feel. They just say ok Im sorry, or sometimes they call me out on my faults.

[LadyMarchHare]

I think it's kinda insensitive of him to say ignore it as you obviously can't because one, they're your parents and two, you HAVE to be there and be around it worrying. You can't remove yourself from the situation or set any boundaries so you have to deal with it. I know I'm in the same situation with my mom and her health, I can't just ignore it and it stresses me out.

Is there a way you can record their behavior on video and show them what they're doing and how it stresses you out? That's the only way I can think they'd see the light of what's really going on.

[sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks for replying

Ive tried that approach and it doesnt get through to them. I can see somewhat how John says ignore it, I do ignore it, especially at night when I wanna go to bed and the're sleeping in the kitchen. But I still worry even when I go to sleep.

My parents mean well, but its so aggravating!

I hope your mom gets better with whatever health issues she is going through.

[sabby64]

Hmm, when I got tired of my dad and his bs and drinking, I just packed up and left one day. :P Unfortunately not everyone can do that, sooo... When I was still at home I tried to distract myself when he was drinking, because it always turned into him getting mad at my mom (over the phone, she ended up leaving because of it) or coming into my room and sulking about how terrible his life was for an hour... He always fell asleep in the kitchen or living room after blasting music so loud sometimes I'd have to go turn it down myself before someone called the police... But always denied he had a problem. It took me moving out to get him to see he was hurting me, and even then it took months for him to accept it. :P My boyfriend at the time told me to just ignore it, because he'd had worse problems before he got kicked out and didn't really feel sorry for me, and didn't offer too much in the way of support... It was really insensitive, but there wasn't much I could do about it. It stressed our relationship to its limits until I managed to gain some control over my situation.

I don't really know what else to say... I wish you good luck in however you decide to handle this situation. Hopefully you aren't driven to the extremes like i was.

[LadyMarchHare]

It's really hard to pull blinders off a stubborn mule, so to speak, so I can see how even that direct of an approach didn't work. I always wonder how you can't worry about people who are obviously not doing healthy things (I can't imagine sleeping in the kitchen being very good on the back) when you're around them. You can't tune it out all the time and it does eat at your time, your own health, and your happiness. I mean yeah there's a thing as caring too much but that's not the case here. Wish I could help more as I know the feeling all too well, but some people are just set in their ways in a bad way.

[sagittariusgirl89]

Yeah. I need to just try not to care as much. I just hope that they don't hurt themselves. My biggest fear is that my dad or mom accidently kill themselves or burn the house down with a ciggarette. But staying up worrying and being angry won't change that.

[LadyMarchHare]

There's a term for thinking like that, I forget what it's called, but others call it "Snowballing" where the worry just sort of rolls down a hill and gets bigger and bigger like that. I know I recommend this like, everywhere, but there's some stuff in cognitive thinking that deals with worrying about others and taking back your rights to happiness. Worth a read at any rate as it may give you better ideas than just 'not caring so much'.

[Caitlin2009]

do you have friends you can stay with? i dunno to me thats not a safe enivorment to be in even though there not violent things could happen like someone forgetting to put a ciggerette or someone forgetting to turn off the stove, i would feel better if you moved to a friends house. As for your SO telling you to ignore it uhhhh dont do that! if you do that then defiantly things will go bad to worse just keep nagging them, and move in with a friend if you can

[Silviar]

It sounds like you've been around this merry-go-round with them. Unfortunately, your parents are adults and you can't make them listen to you. If they're in denial about having a problem, it's awful, and I'm sorry for it, but you can't make them acknowledge it. The only thing I can think of at this point, given your description is to ask the adult family members they have a good relationship with to talk to them and have an intervention.

I'm sorry for all of your troubles, truly