ok I need help...seriously

[Miramaid]

Michelle he has no $ and he used to be on that web site that is free. He did not pay anything and yes his profile did say "I have a wonderful girlfriend and I am here to find friends and people to talk to"
but all those ppl to talk to are girls....

[Michelle]

Michelle he has no $ and he used to be on that web site that is free. He did not pay anything and yes his profile did say "I have a wonderful girlfriend and I am here to find friends and people to talk to"
but all those ppl to talk to are girls....

Whether or not it is free, it is still suspicious, right? If it doesn't sit right with you and you feel in your gut that it isn't just an innocent way for him to make friends... then something is probably up. And combine it with the fact that he has everything locked up because he doesn't want you to access anything? I just don't think dating sites are a good idea (even with innocent intentions) when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Frank and myself would both flip out if either of us had an account on a dating site and were active on it. There wouldn't be any excuse.

[Tanja]

I think this relationship sounds very unhealthy and can not be good for you... He is obsessed with controlling you, deciding who you can go out with and not, that's not what someone who loves you would ever do. If he loved you like you seem to love him he would try to make you happy and feel loved, instead he is constantly suspecting you of cheating, stalking and manipulating you AND that "looking for friends" from a dating site thing is the worst excuse I've ever heard of. He is definitely hiding something from you.

I honestly think it would be best for you to walk away from this OR make him realise what he's doing and changing his behaviour. Although I'm not sure that's even an option.

Are you really REALLY happy with this guy? Read what you wrote in your OP, it's just not normal what he's doing to you and even though you love him to bits it's not enough to save an abusive relationship. Stop making excuses for him and think about YOU and what you want and need.

[Miramaid]

whenever he asks me smth (and it is almost always smth abt my past)
and then he asks me again (later some time)
I give him a different answer (so he says)
or he finds smth out and indirectly asks abt it and then I give him an answer and if it doesnt go together with what he has found
he thinks i am lying to him
it is not abt what i have done in the past he says
but it is about what I say about it
it is like
he wants to get a 100% honest answer abt smth
and that answer should be the same months later
so he doesnt doubt that it is true
and IF
he tries to find out if my answer was true
then it really should be true
we were just arguing abt it again
and he was giving me all the examples when he would say one thing
and ask me abt it and I would tell him smth and then he would find out it was smth different
it doesnt matter to him what i have done in teh past and he is not judging me
but he just wants to make sure I tell him 100% truth and that my answer doesnt change a month,2,3,10 later

i am so really doing my best to answer his questions
and i do not lie to him
and stuff
but he doeesnt believe me
and he says that "doing your best is not an excuse"
that he doesnt want just a good enough GF
he wants the best of the best GF
and there are things that bother him
and he wants me to not just do my best but like ....do smth that he doesnt worry at all

[Miramaid]

NikkiP you asked about when he said he wants children with me and all. He said that shortly after we started dating. And he said that not once. Even now we were arguing and he said "Yes we both love each other, yes we want to be together, yes we both want this relationship to go to a different level and we both want family and children, yes we both want all that, but there are things that bother me daily and I want them to be addressed!!!"

[Tanja]

i am so really doing my best to answer his questions
and i do not lie to him
and stuff
but he doeesnt believe me
and he says that "doing your best is not an excuse"
that he doesnt want just a good enough GF
he wants the best of the best GF
and there are things that bother him
and he wants me to not just do my best but like ....do smth that he doesnt worry at all

This. How are you ever going to be able to have a full, honest relationship with him if he doesn't believe you even after you've told him the truth?
I just cannot see how it could work and how you could convince him you're being honest and you're not lying or cheating?

He's cheated on the past so he obviously thinks you'll do the same and he's being paranoid about it - how do you know that he isn't planning on cheating/hasn't cheated on you already?

He is trying to mould you into this perfect person that you can never be because nothing will ever be good enough for him.
How could you be happy in this kind of relationship?

I would walk away if I were you because love can't always make everything better.

[Bluestars]

but he doeesnt believe me
and he says that "doing your best is not an excuse"
that he doesnt want just a good enough GF
he wants the best of the best GF
and there are things that bother him
and he wants me to not just do my best but like ....do smth that he doesnt worry at all

This really bothers me a whole bunch. That is not something that you should say to your partner. It sounds as though he is hypocritical. In your list of pros, I am sure that you want him to do all of those things that he doesn't do anymore, but does he do those things? It sounds as though you are working your hardest to save this relationship, yet if he really cared, wouldn't he give you his best effort? Does that not matter to him?

Not only that, saying that he wants the "best of the best GF" sounds ridiculous to me. I love my partner for who he is. If you are doing your best, then that should be enough. He is lying the blame on you when really he is the one who has the issues. Most people would not be able to answer a question exactly the same after a year. He is taking the whole trust thing to the extreme and he is the one who will have to change if this relationship is going to be saved. If he isn't willing to work on his problems (and yes, he does sound emotionally abusive), then it would not even be worth trying to work this out imo.

He wouldn't have lasted a day if he treated me the way you have described.

[Čternity]

I'm curious, how old is he? Sorry if I've missed that info.

[Caitlin2009]

this sounds like a classic abusive relationship, he can have all the female friends he wants including his old flings and your not allowed to hang out with a male friend who just wants to take you out for drinks???? thats a complete double standard, next he's gonna try control how you breath, get out of this relationship while you can because it will get worse down the line

[Miramaid]

Eternity he is 30 years old

[jerseygirl904]

Gah! I had a whole reply written and I lost it!!! I'll try to remember what I said!!

First, I am so sorry that you've been treated so poorly. This man seems to be a very controlling, manipulative, self-serving, individual. He requires to have the BEST GF and yet, clearly, he shows no redeeming qualities of the BEST BF. All of what he says is for the better of himself...he takes no ownership of past mistakes, and I'm sure it was someone else's fault that he cheated in the first place. A relationship is built upon trust and love...and especially with an LDR...if trust is absent, the relationship may as well be absent as well. It is not going to work or progress and grow.

I agree with those who have asked you to re-read what you wrote. Red Flags Abound!!! He's so busy pointing the finger of blame around, he fails to realize that while he points one finger away from himself, three others are pointing right back at him! He is the classic control-freak and this will only strengthen in time. Do not allow yourself to fall victim to him...you deserve a love that makes you HAPPY. He seems terribly accusatory. Historically, those who are guilty, accuse.

Please, realize that you are valuable and worthy of something wonderful. If anyone is a so-so partner, I don't believe it's you in this case!! Yes, walking away hurts now...imagine how it would feel later if you were to stay.

[Miramaid]

Thank you all...he texted me saying how much he loves me and wants to be with me. He got my telegram today and said "I got your telegram. Thank you" and I just busted out crying. I guess he felt bad or smth...
I am thinking of joining the military and he asked me if I wanted him to go with me if I join. I asked him what he wanted and he said "I want to be with you"
I am gonna go see him Wednesday and see how things go... Thank you all. I will update you

[NikkiP]

...Please be careful.

And if you don't mind my asking, how old are you?