Announcement

**Gurl** · November 22, 2010, 01:30 AM

12:59amno because i am tired of being made to feel like i am not ujp to anyone's standards...

12:59amThat wasn't the issue at all. Sorry it gave you that feeling

1:00amand the fact that instead of just saying something to me it feel like it was setup for a snea attackj
and i hve had way too much ofthat lately....

1:00amI just wasn't quite ready to phrase things in a way that wasn't combative

1:00ami feel lke am at orkm again...
and am having he same reaction to tat feeing

1:01amIt's taken a lot for me to try to stay cool. I wish you could see it from my side somehow

1:01amrght now i am wishing that either i hadnty cme or i hd ad just kept my mouth shut completely

1:01amI am not upset anymore...got over that not long after you messeged me
sigh so i should have kept my mouth shut or just went off while I was still pissed?

1:02amguess it got transferred

1:03amno, i got over it because, for once, you messaged me just because. and that meant a lot

1:03amhmm. sonce we have had a conversation or two about that sort of thing........
like about you trowng suff out there in the open before or instea of talking to me directl

1:04amwell, I am not going to just go off...especially when I KNOW you've got things going on that a rough on a person
kind of hard to talk to you when I don't know where you are or how to get in touch with you
And I sure as hell needed to get my feeling out before they festered.

1:05amyou haveat let two liocal contacts for me...
and since i didnt know where iw as staying until after all the stuff last night...
and since i have t use my sister' comp..

1:06amI felt like you didn't want to talk to me. I knew you'd get in touch with me when you could...even if I was miffed

1:06amand in transit... I hd little time fo any type of net contact...

1:06amAnd I had several other reasons I didn't want to play guess and test
You know...this is getting us no where. Can we talk? I don't want to leave things like this but trying to do this via text just seems to be making it worse.

1:08ami realy m feeing sick..and my head is really pioundiung now
i am sorry for everything... i will tr to look for you if i can get on tomorrow...may have to go to the lobrary sop i can do the cearance paperwork i have to have done by tuesday if i cnat get my laptop up and runing
night

1:12amOkay. I am glad you IMd. My phone sends me all fb stuff even if it looks like I am not online
night.

1:12amfyi.....wednesay or the weekend sems te best bet t do anything o me....
niht

1:13amk

---------------------------------------------------------
So...it was left at him being pissed--I guess--and me crying some more. I really don't know what to do. Sure I put my feeling out in the open, since that seemed to be the only way to get in touch with him. I sure wasn't calling his family randomly....I don't know them, they don't know me and they are dealing with the loss of family. I don't know how to feel right now. we need to actually TALK. I am considering calling around to get in touch tomorrow very late evening. *sighs* Over a year without a real fight that we didn't settle before saying bye or night or whatever. I really don't like this, but without a conversation via phone or in person, I am not ready to say he's just being an ass even though it feels that way.

Anywho, that's where things stand, for what it's worth. Thanks to everyone for their support. Means more than I can say with mere words.

**PaperbackWriter** · November 22, 2010, 01:54 AM

Oh, Gurl...*hugs*
I wish I knew what to say.

I hope everything gets straightened out soon.

**Gurl** · November 22, 2010, 02:04 AM

Thanks, PW. They will, one way or the other. Hugs back.

**garnet** · November 22, 2010, 02:31 AM

:/ I hope you two get a chance to talk soon. Typing about big issues is never easy. Remember that you deserve only the best and the only one worthy of your time is the one who knows it, and makes sure you have it.
I really hate how long you have had to deal with this. He needs to realize what he has, or (and I'm sorry to say this) you need to find someone worthy. You give sooo much, and put up with sooo much. I want to see you get all of the love and effort you give, given back and then some.
Hugs to you! We're all here for you.

**Gurl** · November 22, 2010, 02:35 AM

Thanks Garnet. IDK WTF to think right now. *hugs* back.

**Miramaid** · November 22, 2010, 02:39 AM

i am going through some crap myself so i know exactly how you feel. I am sorry *hugs* x 100000000000

**�ternity** · November 22, 2010, 03:10 AM

Gurl, in my heart, I feel you deserve more. I hope you can work it out with him. Someone as giving as you, deserves to be adored.

**Zephii** · November 22, 2010, 10:46 AM

*Hugs*
Two things, 1: Like Eternity I think you deserve more. But, I know you love him to bits and understand that.
2: I felt like you were talking over each other in the IM rather than talking to each other. Perhaps if you go back and re-read just the parts he wrote, and try and imagine being in his position, it might defuse some of the hurt. I'm not saying he's right by any means, I'd be hurt if I was you, but I am saying that I don't think he was deliberately trying to shut you out.

I hope you's can talk or see each other soon.

**Gurl** · November 22, 2010, 11:11 AM

@tissa I am sorry to hear your going through rough times. Here's to both of us getting things worked out for the best.

@karryington Thanks hun. We do seem to always work things out. I've just never had us walk away from a conversation without having come to an understanding first. It's bugging me still.

@zephii Thanks for the suggestion. I know things went badly last night for several reasons...sleep and talk with a male friend can work wonders when it comes to understanding things. Billy did reach out to me, just because...which doesn't happen often enough. I am still debating if I should have let things go until we could talk face to face or not. It's too late now, but--if I want this to work--there's something that needs to be learned here by both of us.

As hard as it's going to be, I am going to try to take my friend's advice and wait for Billy to contact me again. After an argument like that, I have a feeling it could take a day or two for him to want to talk again especially adding in the reasons he's even here. My friend gave me a couple of good possibilities for Billy's actions that hadn't quite crossed my mind that make beautiful sense. He could be wrong, but it helped me to see beyond my own wants and needs long enough to see I want to work this out. It's going to take alot, and I don't know that I'll get it...but I have faith that if I don't get the things it will take for me to be able to continue this relationship, we will be able to salvage a great friendship at the very least.

**Tanja** · November 22, 2010, 01:04 PM

It seems like the situation is always the same with the two of you - him being far away or close but not keeping in touch as much as he should/you'd like

I hope you get to talk face to face real soon ans sort this out once and for all, it must be so stressful for you not knowing if this is a proper relationships or not (sorry if I'm in the wrong here but that's what it seems like to me....) and you give so much and make so much effort for him and he just doesn't seem to do the same for you. Maybe it's unintentional cause he's got a demanding job and he's far away from home plus the loss in the family now just adds to his stress... but still, you've ALWAYS been there for him, when is he gonna be there for YOU?

I wish I could for once read a MEGA happy post from you where you say you're in love and 100% happy with him! ♥

**Gurl** · November 23, 2010, 02:55 AM

@tanja He's here for me...I've run to him (metephorically) several times when life just got to be too much. We've let things go way down hill since he's been away, but it took both of us. And it will take both of us to fix it.

He's asked me to come down Wednsday. I am going to have to make sure we keep the money for me to have the gas to get down there, but he offered gas money. That, to me, says a lot about how much he wants to see me and really made my day for today. We will see how things go when I get down there. No definate plans...maybe a movie, the bookstore we used to go to, or even the sports bar where we used to play trivia. Or all of the above, depending. I've not asked to see what time we are going to meet up yet, but we usually spend most of the night together. I'm kind of bummed he is staying with family, cause I'd like more than just hanging out time together....but that will be enough. It's probably for the best anyways.

So there's the latest news...will fill ya'll in on how it goes when it's gone.

Thanks so much for all the support ya'll.

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