Are we being realistc?

[sagittariusgirl89]

Ok, just gonna warn you this may not make sense, I'm just gonna type what comes to my mind.

Ok, so today my bf and I got into an argument over so much shit.

He said that if I ever moved to Cleveland with him it wouldn't matter that I have friends here in Columbus because I don't "hang out" with them. I told him it was a low blow but he didn't understand because I told him I don't go out, but it still hurt and it was rude because I do have friends.

I just don't know If i can handle this long distance thing anymore. When he is here in person I am the happiest person alive, but when he isn't here I am blah and depressed. I don't have any motivation and our conversations are either tense or just ok.

We have been dating for a year and 7 months, and we have been doing long distance for 5 months.

I stress out over everything, and if he lived closer I wouildnt be as stressed.

I stress out over school every monday and wednesday, because my dad takes me and he doesnt complain but I think if my bf lived in columbis I wouldnt be as stressed.

Oh, I don't know.

I HATE THIS!

[Italia10]

Hang in there and stay strong...talk it out with your SO when you can!!! It sounds like you are being realistic because when you are together you mentioned that you are very happy.

I think its healthy to vent to people...so I think your post totally makes sense!

Good luck, I hope everything works out.
xoxo

[sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks

[MadMolly]

Do you have a plan to be together again soon? How long til you see him next? I know long gaps without seeing your man are horrible and even though you love him, long distance is not for everyone and it's okay to admit that to yourself. If you feel you can't handle it, you need to weigh up the pros vs the cons. I know you're not a social person but hanging out with people on the weekends etc can help *so* much. Is there an option for one of you to move to where the other lives?

[sagittariusgirl89]

Well, I will find out on Friday when I will see him again, I know compared to some people on here its not really long distance. He said I will probably see him again on Sunday or Monday. Well, I am in school right now, and he moved back in with his parents to pay off debt and stuff. So, I don't really know.

[lunamea]

I don't really understand his point about your friends, either. Of course, they're still your friends, even if you can't hang out with them on a regular basis... LDR couples, of all people, should know!
Anyway, I think the point is getting yourself motivated, dragging yourself out of the low you're in. I was feeling really shitty for a few weeks after I came back from visiting my husband back home, too, and it did not get better for weeks. I'm still not really motivated to do homework and stuff, but all of a sudden, I realized I'm much more positive about other things again: I really enjoy the time I spend with my friends here and the time I talk to my husband is just great. Everyone has phases of "blah"... I think you'll just have to stick it out and it will get better without you having to do anything. In the meantime, the best thing is to distract yourself with things you enjoy (watching TV, crafts etc.) or planning the next visit.

[Kitty]

Well like the others said it sounds like you are being realistic. Just remember in ANY relationship there are going to be ups and downs and yes even frustration. Emotions and feelings don't magically turn into sunshine and rainbows and nothing but happiness. It's completely natural to feel happy when he is there and unhappy/ depressed when he isn't. Learn yoga, take dance or karate classes, meditate, play rpgs, go to stress and anger management class, when all else fails...send each other little notes or snail mail. Pick a project to do for each other...or together.

Keep your chin up and remind yourself of the positives.
Wishing you luck and strength. I'm sure you'll pull through.

[Sarah M]

Hang in, there. I wish I had something more useful to say... But know that we're all here to support you! =]

[Zephii]

Well, with the friends thing - do you spend time with them in person? If not, being at a distance with them wont have the same effect. I understand it still hurts to leave them. I don't have a lot of friends and I didn't hang out with them very often - but it was still difficult to leave them all behind. But if your friendships are mostly based on communication rather than "hanging out" moving away wont effect the relationships badly, IMO.

I'm running out of time, but I'll come back after work!

[punkpain]

You say that you may not be in a LDR... well hun... no matter how you look at it you cant been with your s/o everyday or even a couple times a week. You live a reasonable distance from each other. So yes you are in a LDR. And I dont see how you are being unrealistic. When your in any sort of relatoinship things are hard to maintain. Even more so when you cant be with each other on a consistant basis face to face. The lack of physical connection is replaced by a verbal connection. Switching from being in a physical to a verbal type of relationship sounds like its taken a toll on you two. But if you truely are happy when you are together it can only make your realtionship stronger. Keep the communication going. Dont throw in the towel now.

[Tanja]

Your SO shouldn't say that about your friends, it was out of line.

You've been together for so long before going long distance, it's only normal to feel that way. Like Molly said you need to think about the positives and the negatives of your relationship. If you wanna spend your life with your SO and you love him more than anything then the distance won't matter, you will make it.

If you feel like the distance is too much to handle then maybe he's not the man of your life and you need to talk things through with him.

A LDR is really hard and winding process and not everyone is cut out for it, there's nothing wrong with that. Take a day to sort your head and think about what you want and then talk to him seriously about your future and dreams. If you make concrete plans about seeing each other regularly that will definitely help.

[Mio]

LDR's can be really hard sometimes, and the ups and downs are there like in any other relationship! I hope you can figure out a way of being together!