I'm currently dating someone online, we've fixed the time to meet up. A problem comes

[Twister25]

We know each other from an online dating site 3 months ago, there were some struggle between us, as the long distance problem and we're not even in the same time zone. But things going better. we keep contacting daily, share secrets, show lots affection on each other, we've even fixed time to meet up next year; (maybe i'm over thinking of it, but he uses "we" sometimes instead of "I" when phrasing, it could mean something serious.while in the other hand, it also could be one of guys tricks, to convince girls that they have a future.)

Both of us are not teenager btw, but he hasn't had any long term relationship before, as he's kinda shy, childish and there's less woman in his workplace. (I'm helping on enhancing his self-confidence on women, I'd say. I don't mind to offer my affection and compliments.)

The problem now, I just found out he still checks the dating site often without telling me of course. ( I visit the site is because i got msg from other guys, but I don't feel any interest in them) and he changed his description to a better version today. What should I do, to point it out? To keep my mouth shut? I do need some constructive suggestions, thanks!!
*He pays the bill for visiting me

[Kika]

https://members.lovingfromadistance....56-Trust-Issue

[Twister25]

Thanks Kika!! I've mentioned once if both of us shall delete the profile, he said he just want to know different people. I know it means "more options" in case the things don't work out between us. I don't want to force him to do the things he wouldn't, it might lead to a worse situation. I'm not that demanding in an relationship, trying to balance "exclusive&freedom" issue.

We IM everyday, talk through skype, play online games and watch films together in weekends. But we didn't really say " L" word during the last three month, in fact, he just said he's in love with me yesterday, added with he's still worry about future of us. Would you guys please offer me some other suggestions for us to getting closer?

[Zephii]

Are you officially together or not? Find out where you stand.
Still being on the site is not really ok, but if he's not technically yours, there's nothing you can do. However! You have standards and self respect, so you'll want to be telling him to cut it out. Let him know how you feel, and tell him he's not giving your relationship much of a chance if he's already planning for it to fail.

With that said, my SO was very honest with me before we met in person too. He didn't want to date a girl from a different country and he did his damndest to find someone he could love more than me. Luckily, he failed, and here I am.

So it depends how you feel about it. If you think it's not ok he's on the site, tell him and don't take no for an answer

[Čternity]

There are many suggestions on the main page of 90+ things to do together as an LDR couple. https://www.lovingfromadistance.com/...uplestodo.html which could help to bring you closer. Visits are always good if you can manage to have them more often. Having a routine of when and how you communicate can also help. It's only three months into the relationship so maybe wait a bit but I think there will probably come a time where you decide that you will want a kind of committment and maybe then you can speak to him about taking the profile off. It may happen by him taking the profile off anyway. Take it day by day for now would be my only advice and maybe suggest in a while later about the profile if you get more serious.

[Twister25]

Hi, Zephii
We haven't met each other, only fixed the time that he will fly to me in January. So it's just as you said, he's still not officially mine. Plus, I've showed a lot affection on him in the first place, I'm not sure if it's time to hold my emotion for a while. I've also made my statement as "I'd try my best, let's see what could happen, if the failure is meant to be, then everybody have to accept it." He agrees.

He does cute things to me, but he's type of guy who likes the feeling of being chased a bit, it brings him more confident I guess, as his experiences with women is little.

I'm not sure how can I tell him, the "no" answer for deleting profile is not acceptable, I mean in what way. According to my previous experiences, he doesn't like people to tell him directly what to do or what not.

[Bluestars]

If you are not official, then it might very well be a case of what Zephii explained. I met my SO on a dating site as well, and we both used the dating site occasionally when we were first talking. Although it was obvious that we both liked one another, he would give me mixed signals because he didn't want to date someone he met online until he met them in person. He really encouraged me to meet someone else closer, but luckily he asked me out just in time because honestly I wasn't going to wait around forever :P My SO and I used to still get on the site every once in a while after we were official just because the site had an amazing quiz selection. However, he eventually deleted his profile and I disabled mine.

If this is bothering you, I would maybe talk to him about where you both stand about your relationship. Ask him straight up what he is doing on the site. You said it yourself that you still look at the site, so maybe he has a valid reason too? If it turns out that he is talking to other people, you will have to decide if that is ok with you.

[Twister25]

@Čternity Your suggestions are valuable. While I do feel a bit hard to find out what's the best way to talk with him by you said, "Having a routine of when and how you communicate can also help".
I tend not to talk to him now abt profile, as it makes me like I'm desperate. I've already showed my worries and fears about he goes out for parties before. I think it's enough for letting him know that I care about him.

@Bluestars I admire your relationship, it's healthy I went to the site because there're lots fun quiz over there, the Okcupid, but i don't really talk to people, I've never liked to IM on a dating site.
I just disable my profile yesterday without telling him, I think he will find out if he tries to visit my page and know what I'm thinking.

[Laura024]

I've found that subtleties aren't as effective as open communication. I think instead of disabling your profile to give him a hint, you should let him know you want an exclusive relationship. Ask him what he wants. Because if you both decide to date just each other, then do you really want him looking for other potential matches on the website? You have to be clear with your expectations. If his are different from yours, or he doesn't hold up his end of the deal, then it would be the time to reevaluate where you two are going.

[Twister25]

Thank you Laura024. I think I need to take some time to figure out what's the appropriate way to communicate with him about my concern.

[Silviar]

Agreed with the others. Ask him where you stand and if you can be exclusive for now, or how you want to handle the intermittent period until you first meet. Sometimes people don't want to 'settle in' until the meet up and you're actually a couple. It's also a good gauge to see how serious he thinks it is/will be versus your expectations.

If he makes you feel at all uncomfortable, or gets accusatory, lies, or tries to act like you're crazy, run the other direction. Those are all signs of a poor partner and cheater.