2 1/2 weeks e-mailing. What's my next move?

[Pikachu99]

Hello everyone,

I really need some advice from you all. If anyone saw my post from a couple of weeks ago, you’ll perhaps remember my situation. Just in case, I’ll quickly recap.

The first week of November I met someone on a dating website. I was the one to get things going. He lives in the UK and I live in the U.S. I can’t say that we’re dating. Since about November 10, we’ve been exchanging getting-to-know you e-mails.

Here’s why I’m posting again. Today makes about two and a half weeks since that first e-mail. We’ve shared stories about ourselves and a lot of getting-to-know you questions. However, I think we’re at the point where we’ve exhausted the questions. In fact, just a day or so ago he was the first to drop the questions and simply respond to my e-mail. I followed his lead and did the same.

I have to say it felt a little odd writing that letter without asking him anything about him or his life. The e-mail almost felt like a pen pal message. Like my other post said, I went through this once before and corresponded with an overseas person for 10 months before getting disgusted with the lack of progress and throwing in the towel. I don’t want things with this new person to get to that point. But I’m clueless as to what to do next.

Does anyone have any advice? I want to come out and ask him if he thinks we get along well enough to possibly do Skype chats or something. However, I’m just not sure. So far it’s been all me. I broke the ice with him, started our communication. I gave him my regular e-mail first, etc. I’ve been waiting for him to make a move, but so far it hasn’t happened. I’m wondering if I should just keep waiting or speak up?

I get the feeling he enjoys our e-mails. He’s told me a few times that he does. And except for this most recent e-mail from him that arrived today, the tone of his messages indicates he likes me well enough. But I’m not experienced enough with dating to really know for sure.

The long and the short of is, some suggestions on how to proceed would be great. At the moment I’m not even sure how to respond to his latest e-mail. He responded and did ask me a question or two regarding my last message, but that’s it. Right now I don’t even know what to write. To be honest, I’m getting the feeling that I’m jinxed. The men I’ve met in recent years all seem to be the type to just float along with me and it’s not until I push an issue that things move along. And usually not for the better. I’m feeling a bit down right now about the whole deal. I swear I’m throwing in the towel with dating if the new guy doesn’t work.

Well, before I start embarrassingly ranting about silly things, I’ll post this message. If anyone has any suggestions or advice for me, I’m all ears. I really don’t know what to do.

Thanks.

[mllebamako]

I want to come out and ask him if he thinks we get along well enough to possibly do Skype chats or something.

Do this! What's the worst that could happen? Trust your instincts: you feel like he likes you and you want to chat with him so why not?

As for what to say in response to his email, I would answer his questions and then tell him things that are going on in your life: funny stories from work or school, annoying projects you have, your thoughts about something on the news, anything!

Hope this helps a bit

[Èternity]

As much as you want it to happen, I think he is happy being friends or that this may have run its course. He's not engaging you or stepping up the communication. If it were me, I'd be engaging others on the site and just leaving this communication until he steps up or fades away. Communication, needs to be two way and I think this may become what happened with the last one you had over 10 months where you did all the work. Best wishes.

[Lunar Snow]

I think the others make great points. Why not casually suggest Skype chats (mingled among other talk of what you are up to, etc.)? If you ask casually, he won't feel too much pressure and might feel quite comfortable with it or, if he does say no, it won't really feel too awkward, because it isn't like you sent an email with huge font "@.@ U can haz Skype love with me now?" Sorry, I get a bit silly without sleep at...wow...after 4am...special. Plus, friends can talk on Skype, too.

I see that you might really want this to develop into something romantic, but it could be possible that he may like things more as a friendship (which could be a great foundation for a future relationship or could just yield a great friendship). It could also be that he is the type of person who likes to move slowly and cautiously when developing new connections (and there is nothing wrong with that) or that he is either new to the online dating scene/ or has been burned by it before and is moving cautiously in that regard. That said, it is unfair that you should have to make all the effort--so, giving him openings to step up (like inviting him to IM with you or something) and also diversifying (why not talk to some other catches, since you are single?) are good methods to employ. At some point, I would recommend talking about expectations/ what you're looking for in the getting to know you questioning (if you haven't already). What I mean by that is that it's really vital that you two are on the same page (if he's looking for a new best friend and you're looking for your soul mate and neither of you have clarified these things to each other, it could lead to a lot of hurt feelings). From experience, though my SO and I are officially together now and generally very happy and in love, there was a lot of turmoil and hurt before we were official (and it still is a harsh reminder sometimes), as, when I first met him online, he was looking for casual dating and I was looking for commitment...but neither of us were clear on these things and there were a lot of things that were so exciting and many things said and promised that never came to fruition (at the time) or that turned into hurtful lies. Starting on the same page, while reading the same book is definitely a healthy idea.

Please don't throw in the towel with dating, if things don't work out with him or if your talks with him morph into friendship. There really is a world of men out there to meet. Finding the right guy sometimes can feel like looking for a needle in a hay stack, but you can always break out the metal detector.

[Bluestars]

Everyone else makes really good points. It could be that he is wanting to be a friend. OR it could be that he is just getting tired of the whole email thing--which is reasonable. If you are wanting to take it to the next level via communication, I suggest hinting at him that you want to talk to him through another method. For instance, maybe you could give him your instant messenger name? That is a step before talking on the phone, and it would give you guys a chance to talk real time. It also allows you to get to know the person a little better than just email alone.

[amb85]

I agree with Bluestars...see if he would be interested in using another method of communicating instead of emails...emails can get boring. I would say suggest an instant messenger also. Atleast that way you can get to know each other in real time communicating and it doesn't feel like you are being drilled with a million questions. Plus it will give you an opportunity to maybe be flirty with him so you can get a feel for what he wants.