I need some advice!

[waiting4her]

Alright where to start. Well Im not really new to the long distance thing as I have been talking to this girl for about a year now. But the thing of it all is we have not met yet. But Ill dig into this. So a little over a year ago I started talking to this girl from OH and Im from Chicago.How I was introduced she knew a guy from here and we all had xbox and played a long time ago, texted a few times and nothing ever came of it. Well a little while after that im not sure how long we randomly started hitting it off on fb last year November. Just got her phone number and things were great and usually still are. But this is where I get confused at. I know im not perfect nor do I say I am but after talking for about 2 month or so I reall develop feelings for this girl. Never fought up to this point everything was great and she dropped the I love you which is fine. I told her I needed some time and I wasnt ready and she agreed and eventually I did say it and mind you still never met. Well around December or January we had plans to meet up in INDY and make it a great weekend. Well she gets in a car crash and the night before we are suppose to meet up and she and I were suppose to talk on her way to dinner with a friend well I never heard back from her till 3pm the next day after about 30 calls 5 vmails and idk how many texts. I was understanding at first but then was like wtf... Well the next day her baby daddy texts me from her phone saying oh she cant talk. I was like why? and after waiting and waiting he responds again she is busy at the hospital and this is her bf after she always told me they are finished and only talk for her kid. He then says oh yeah i know about your trip with her and you know you arnt the only guy she talk to and I never got another text until her call and she call me cry saying dont hate me and im sorry and im pissed the last vmail i left her while sitting in my basement was dont call me anymore and stuff like that bc I was mad. And then because I listen to my friend say oh maybe she wasnt ans ask her to show you her car and idiot me did and basically fucked shit up. The reason I went into this was because its the reason we always fight. Now after that and I say im sorry because I really do care for this girl we fight like non stop and I cant communicate and I go back on promises. Still up to this day too. Well the thing is Im not friends with her on her real fb on like a friends one and xbox friends, I haven't met her yet, and she has never told me her last name until recently and the reason she didnt do that stuff because it is suppose to be cute for when we meet and she can do it on my phone... Well I know its bad and im not a creeper but the baby daddy was friends with her on the xbox fb and i looked at it and I see her real one and she finds out by logging into my fb because I gave her my PW and seeing her real one in the history and i never told her and she called me this big liar and everything and says she cant trust me. So is that wrong? I never snoop but I always feel like something is going on that she dosnt tell me. You can let me see more then 6 pictures of you, I cant be friends with you on your real fb then she blocks me. YAH!! Still too. On top of it she met a guy from school too and starts to hang with him alot and says oh we are nothing more than friends he knows that, well they hang out its cool with me but he starts to show affection and she brushes it off and then he kisses her forehead and I flip and she said its nothing, so now im worried. They hang out go out bars, to the park with or without her kid and also have like wing wednsday by themselves and work out or whatever. And he always tried to get her to go in the sauna together and she did it at first but this guy starts to push and push and now he is rubbing her shoulders on his bed and she lays on her tummy and he undoes her bra and uses ky bc its heat activated and then plays with her hair only he does this because he is a massage therapist and gives everyone in the group massages ya right.. and i freak out now she says i was fine with it but maybe bc she makes me believe nothing happened and i trust her because she has never lied to me. Well recently he has went to a family party and tried to make out with her and she flips and i guess her family threw him out but this guy also bought her a $500 Tiffany bracelet before just as a friend and she wore it just to make it look like a nice gesture. Now she freaks out when i compare other guys she hangs out with to him and gets upset and says oh they are nice and that other guys was a molester and the sad thing is the guy that tried to do this stuff tried to kiss her before but he would say oh sorry its the liquor and she gave him another chance. well know she is afraid of him and one part of me thinks something happened but the other says no because we always talk non stop and she told me all this. Now her new friend that is friends with her family is hanging out with her and she tells me she tells him she loves me just like the other guy and that this guy is shy and he is just a friend but everytime i say look at that other guy she gets mad and says you cant say that im afraid of him and i learned my lesson. Now i turn 21 and go out and meet some mutual friends that i never meet before just knew them threw a friend and I had plans to talk to my girl well these people were girls and i never came home i know its wrong but after everything i been through am i wrong for staying out and then i get made to feel like shit. I know i was wrong and i said sorry. So there im not perfect and i didnt mean to hurt her but the whole we had plans to talk made me look bad, i understand but we always fight not to much anymore because I wanna meet her and she always tells me we need to be happy for me to meet and she needs communication, and i say if you love as much as you say why dont you ever come out and idk what else to do. We were suppose to hangout on halloween and then we fought the week before it so she didnt come then she went out of town and I went out for a little bit and she said i was drunk and mean and i know i said sorry and i was a little late but i texted her letting her know that i was going to be. So i know that i need to work on stuff, we both have a temper and we both try to work on it. So I know I wrote alot and im sorry if it bored you. I just need some advice because i lied to my parents and family because she wanted me to so my parents think we met and i have seen her and only a few people know the truth, so what do you think? I know my grammar got sloppy near the end lol and im sorry. If you wanna know anything else let me know.

[waiting4her]

no advice lol

[Caity]

It seems like there are quite a few trust and communication issues in your relationship. I think these might need to be addressed first before you can meet up. Yous need to have a good talk together about why yous don't trust each other as much as you should. There shouldn't be any need for lying or keeping things from each other so during this talk you should tell each other everything you may have lied about or kept from each other and set up a new foundation of trust, promising not to lie about anything anymore. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, especially a long distance one.

You also need to sort out the fighting with each other. Next time you realise yous are getting into an argument, tell her to stop for a moment, and tell her to tell you her side of the argument and how she feels and why and do not interrupt her, and then tell your side and tell her not to interrupt. Don't write it accusingly saying "you did this" and "you did that", write it more as "i feel like this because of this". After both sides of the argument have been put forward, see if you can resolve it and then both of you should apologise.

These should both help your relationship. If you can be honest, treat her well and sort out arguments quickly, then it should make her happier and then she'll want to meet. I hope this advice does help a little and that things work out between yous. =)

[Darth_Taco]

You'd have a much easier time getting help if you split this up into paragraphs and reread everything you typed. We're not anal here about grammar and spelling or anything (hell a lot of us speak English as a second language), but we do like things legible. I can't make sense of what you're trying to say here since it's all so jumbled. I'll gladly offer some advice if you can proofread your post.

[Èternity]

You'd have a much easier time getting help if you split this up into paragraphs and reread everything you typed. We're not anal here about grammar and spelling or anything (hell a lot of us speak English as a second language), but we do like things legible. I can't make sense of what you're trying to say here since it's all so jumbled. I'll gladly offer some advice if you can proofread your post.

Yup

[Silviar]

You'd have a much easier time getting help if you split this up into paragraphs and reread everything you typed. We're not anal here about grammar and spelling or anything (hell a lot of us speak English as a second language), but we do like things legible. I can't make sense of what you're trying to say here since it's all so jumbled. I'll gladly offer some advice if you can proofread your post.

You'd also have a much easier time getting advice if you'd exercise a little patience, as the time between your first message and your second was less than 2 hours on a holiday weekend, for crying out loud.

There's a lot of drama in this relationship. The basics are to ask yourself if 1) you can handle it and 2) what can you both do to turn it into a healthy, thriving relationship. I suggest you read the book boundaries by Henry McCloud and boht work on yourselves as well as having a relationship if you both want it.

[Rach321]

You'd have a much easier time getting help if you split this up into paragraphs and reread everything you typed. We're not anal here about grammar and spelling or anything (hell a lot of us speak English as a second language), but we do like things legible. I can't make sense of what you're trying to say here since it's all so jumbled. I'll gladly offer some advice if you can proofread your post.

I agree- I'd like to try to help, but I've read through your post and have a difficult time really understanding what advice you're asking for. Paragraphs would help!

[raiblade3]

You'd have a much easier time getting help if you split this up into paragraphs and reread everything you typed. We're not anal here about grammar and spelling or anything (hell a lot of us speak English as a second language), but we do like things legible. I can't make sense of what you're trying to say here since it's all so jumbled. I'll gladly offer some advice if you can proofread your post.

i agree- it was really jumbled nd i couldnt really comprehend anything, which makes it hard to give advice......

[jerseygirl904]

Yup...agreed. What they said!! I would help, except I can't make heads or tails of it!

[waiting4her]

It seems like there are quite a few trust and communication issues in your relationship. I think these might need to be addressed first before you can meet up. Yous need to have a good talk together about why yous don't trust each other as much as you should. There shouldn't be any need for lying or keeping things from each other so during this talk you should tell each other everything you may have lied about or kept from each other and set up a new foundation of trust, promising not to lie about anything anymore. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, especially a long distance one.

You also need to sort out the fighting with each other. Next time you realise yous are getting into an argument, tell her to stop for a moment, and tell her to tell you her side of the argument and how she feels and why and do not interrupt her, and then tell your side and tell her not to interrupt. Don't write it accusingly saying "you did this" and "you did that", write it more as "i feel like this because of this". After both sides of the argument have been put forward, see if you can resolve it and then both of you should apologise.

These should both help your relationship. If you can be honest, treat her well and sort out arguments quickly, then it should make her happier and then she'll want to meet. I hope this advice does help a little and that things work out between yous. =)

Thank you guys, I know that it was jumbled as I wrote it super quick but I will reread it and then re type it out in paragraphs lol. I really just went off the top of my head and was writing what came to mind so that can probably explain alot. Thanks for the advice people!