This Thanksgiving was an emotional roller coaster....

[AshleyH]

So there is sort of a long post ahead... but I hope somebody is interested.

I have planned on staying at my University for a year, just my freshman year, and then transferring. I don't like my university, and I want to leave. I would be closing the distance and being with him in New Orleans. His name is Roland by the way.

He and I have been together for a year and 8 months, and we already told each other we love each other months ago. So I go to speak with my parents who are paying for my college, because they said if I stay at my university for a year, then we could talk about transferring. I spoke to my dad, and he listened, but shut me down completely and said I should finish up at my university and then move to be with him. I was crushed and went to Roland (who was waiting patiently in my theater room).

I cried on him and told him everything, and he seemed strange. Now, mind you, I've been in love with him for over 7 years...

After probing, he breaks down and says he doesn't know if it would be a good idea for me to transfer, because of a few reasons. I would have to take out quite a bit of loans, and he said he wasn't sure what love was. I was really hurt when he said that, and asked him why he had told me he loved me if he didn't know what it was. He told me he thought he knew, but now wasn't sure, and that he was unsure of our relationship. So we talked for hours, and he told me he didn't want to break up even if he was uncertain. We had always made jokes about being married and living together, but he said he didn't know if we'd get married. He said he didn't think that far ahead. He also said since I come for a day and a night every month, he said he was scared he may be taking advantage of me because we have sex, even though he doesnt want that and he doesn't want me to be hurt or ever used like that.

So I'm very hurt and upset, but I want to help him. So I talk to him and tell him what it feels like for me to love him, and that I try and remind him all the time, and he broke down and cried. I held him and explained that if we broke up that I would be heartbroken, but if it's what he wanted then he could do it if it was what made him happy. Then he told me he can't imagine me not in his life, he said it feels like he couldn't live without me.

I felt really touched, and I asked him if he felt like I did at the moment, after describing the feeling. He said he felt the same, and that the thought of losing me or never seeing me again scared him. And he told me he felt awful that I was so hurt, because he is really protective. He said it crushed him to know he had hurt what he tried so hard to protect. Roland is an amazing guy, and after two days of talking and crying together, we finally figured it out. He told me I have showed him what it's like to love, he can see it now. I felt honored to be the person that showed him this. We are still going to decide what year I transfer since I don't have the support of my family. I'm thinking after my associates degree, but we will see when he and I decide it will be best.

Ahh... I'm shaking after writing that... it was an insane few days and I couldn't fit all of what I was feeling onto this forum. But I hope it reaches some of you. I love Roland, he's amazing and I hope I don't have to let him go.

[agentholli]

Love is hard sometimes. Its great that you got it worked. Communication is the key!

[LadyMarchHare]

I think Roland's been thinking too far into the future and it overwhelmed him. It happens to all of us, and not just in relationships. Talk with him and ask if he'd be willing to take things one day at a time instead of thinking months in advance or even years in advance. It may ease any tension he's feeling.

As for the university thing, if you honestly don't like it and you've given it a chance, I don't see why you shouldn't transfer to another. Just be prepared for the chance you may not like the one you transfer to. (originally being from New Orleans I can say some of the unis down there aren't very good, then again LSU's nothing to write home about either) I'm not sure moving to live with your SO during school is the best idea, but I don't have much experience in that field.

But don't fret over the issue your SO seems to be having. It's common enough and will blow over with support and patience. Best of luck!

[Bluestars]

My boyfriend and I actually had somewhat of a similar issue spring up in the past because he started thinking things like that as well. However, after a lot of talking through it, things worked out I think that boys sometimes freak out when thinking about marriage and commitment too far in advanced. It's not that they do not love you, but that they just aren't at that point in life where they are ready.

Glad you two worked everything out

[sabby64]

I don't much like my University either, but I looked into changing my major into into something I'm more interested in and I think it will make the next couple years alot easier. I know what it feels like to be scared of the future, that's why I've taught myself not to look much further then a month. XD You know, except for really important things. Marriage and kids and whatever are great, but it's being together right now that counts the most

[LostInLove]

I'm glad you guys talked it through and worked it out. It's so hard to have those kind of discussions, it's great that you stuck through it.

[AshleyH]

Thanks for all the support guys! I guess he does need to cool it with the marriage thing, I know he's a fantastic guy, and I'd love to marry him someday, but I know neither of us are ready. I'm hoping it doesn't come up again, I don't like it when he's feeling insecure and stressing. He tends to stress and not let me in until I break him down and make him tell me. I'm so glad I can. He's such a fantastic guy!

I want to transfer, but I'd have to take out almost 90,000 dollars total for the next 3 years.... That would be hell to take to veterinary school if I get in. I'm hoping I can transfer after I get my associates degree. Roland told me we should wait until then so I wouldn't have to take out so much money. He's so supportive and intelligent, I'm really glad he's mine. I'm so lucky! Maybe it will be best if I stay at my university until I get two years done.

I get to see him over the entire summer, a month in december and january, and for spring and thanksgiving break... so I won't be without him too long. Thanks for all the support guys, I hope all of you are doing great as well!