Anybody.. I need help

[wyerbl]

Last night my boyfriend called me crying his eyes out... he kissed his ex girlfriend.
I just dont know what to think. We stayed up till 5 in the morning talking about it and i ended up forgiving him. I just love him so damn much and he sounded so sad and i beleive that he really is sorry and he does love me. heres the text he sent me..

"Baby I'm sorry I'm so so so sorry. I know it probely dosnt mean much but i really didnt mean to I love you with all my heart Im the dumbest guy on earth and you dont deserve this. I hate myself for this i wish i could go back and change it but i cant and im sorry. I dont deserve you and i want you to know you have made me the happiest ever and i took you for granted and im retarted for this. I hurt the one thing that means the most. I understand if you want to leave me it hurts so bad saying that but i just want you to be happy. I love you so much and im sorry with all thats in me."

Im pretty sure he means it its just he also told me he would never cheat..
Basically i need advice. What would you have done in my situation? Did i do the right thing by forgiving him.. i know it was just a kiss... but it hurts so so so much

[jerseygirl904]

Well, forgiveness is a very personal thing and each of us has our own boundaries. Some people are very strict with their views on what constitutes "cheating" and others are a little more lenient. How long have you and your SO been together and how long has his "ex" been his "ex"? Was there alcohol involved? Not that it really changes things much...but, it does convolute events.

I would be extremely hurt if my SO kissed any girl, ex or not. However, that being said, I would listen to his explanation and weigh whether or not I found it sincere. Trust in an LDR is so crucial...so, rebuilding that trust would take a lot of extra effort on his part. We are all human and are prone to make mistakes. You have to listen to your heart and decide if you think he is being genuine in his apology.

*Hugs*

[Karringtyn]

It is a personal thing. You know the situation and your own personal relationship. It takes a very strong person to be forgiving and let go....I hope the two of you can work through this and move on. I send you my best wishes...xx

[Rosebud]

*hugs* I know saying I'm sorry doesn't much help in the situation and as I can ony go by his text alone it does sound to me like he truly regrets his actions. However, I can't say if I would have forgiven my SO or not because I don't know the entire situation, why he kissed her, what's his relationship with her now like, how long you to have been together, etc. There's just so much to consider which I know doesn't help but it's really such a personal decision. It's understandable that you're hurting right now and he needs to know that and I think his actions in the next few days toward you will really give some insight if he's truly sorry or not. If need be then bring it up again until you have ALL your questions answered and you know what you need to know. Hoping things turn out well for you.

[Butterfly]

I agree with the others. Forgiveness is a very, very, personal thing. And only YOU can judge his character and sincerity. We are all human and we do make mistakes. I can already tell you have a decent guy on your hands because he chose to come forward and tell you the truth right away, instead of hiding it. He obviously values you enough to tell you and want to fix it.

Now, as for how you're feeling, only you can make the decision if you are ready to trust and forgive him. One thing I will tell you though, is if you do decide to forgive him, you need to completely forgive. There can be no bringing this incident back up every other day. Take it from me, I've been in a very similar situation. If you aren't fully ready to forgive him and move forward, then tell him that. Take your time. Don't just jump right back in because you feel you have to. Be sure that you are ready to fully move past it. Otherwise, believe me, nothing can ruin a relationship faster then if after infidelity of any kind, people say they forgive, but they really don't.
It's a difficult thing to take in and if you are ready, then I wish you both the best of luck. I hope this advice helped you!

[wyerbl]

Thank you so much for your support... sometimes i dont know what i would do without this site lol. Im still so confused and hurt and i really need to think about things more. But thank you for answering it means alot to me

[Butterfly]

Thank you so much for your support... sometimes i dont know what i would do without this site lol. Im still so confused and hurt and i really need to think about things more. But thank you for answering it means alot to me

I'm glad to have been of some help. I have felt that same way many times! This is a great site!

[Silviar]

I just wanted to add a *hugs* and also say hey - it's ok to be confused, of two minds about it, and if it takes you some times to truly be ok with that inside of you, that's also normal. It's ok to need some time to fully forgive internally, if you feel it's what you want to do.

Give your brain some space from the problem and come back to it in a day or two. It helps you think about more clearly.

[NikkiP]

The fact that he came clean right away definitely leads me to believe that he's sorry but it doesn't make it right (and by no way am I excusing his actions). I just know how hard it is to come clean about something like that. It's difficult. But when you really love someone, it's what ya have to do!

Good luck! *hugs*

[Sano]

I know the kind of person I am, so if that happened to me I'd be glad he told me but then at the same time I'd be pissed. If I did forgive him it would take me a while to actually do it or consider it. but then Im a selfish person. :P I wish you luck though

[Čternity]

Well, as much as he is sorry, I'd want to know why he did it and what's going to stop him doing it again. I'd love to hear his thoughts on that if it were me. It's like the saying 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. People don't get more than one chance with me though.

[kymccloud]

I agree with everyone. Forgiveness is personal. If I were in that situation I don't think I could forgive as easily, or forgive at all. I feel that kissing an ex should be considered cheating. I like that he was honest with you and told you what he did. I guess that counts for something. I hope that he really means what he says and that you both can work through it. Best wishes *hugs*

[Stephanieeee]

Well, the fact that he told you means a lot. He could have easily kept it a secret and you never would have found out. Also, the fact the HE kissed HER means even more. Its confusing, what exactly he was trying to accomplish by doing that. Thankfully it stopped before it went to far. But yeah, forgivness for stuff like that is really dependent on the situation. If it were me, I honestly don't know what I would do. It seems sort of trivial, ending such a serious relationship over a kiss. But at the same time, thats a huge hole in your trust, and it would be difficult to be confident in the fact that he wouldnt do that ever again.

In my opinion, you should get a straight answer from him as to why he did it and why he regrets it. If he's ever had urges to kiss every girl, or if it was just that girl.
Its a very difficult situation, and im really sorry :/

[__ms.jaye]

Well I think everyone here has said it best, you need to look at all aspects the relationship between you and him , the relationship between him and his ex. The circumstances of which it happened. Also take a look at your relationship PRIOR to the kiss was he lacking attention, loving, something? Usually when people have a moment of weakness they are missing something...in their lives, whether it be money, power, love and belonging... security something. Take a look at your relationship before he kissed her, and maybe talk about why he did it.. there is ALWAYS A REASON, things never "just happen"... at least in my opinion anyway.

Take care, and I hope everything works out. * HUGS* ♥

[Miramaid]

it always surprises me when guys actually SAY THINGS LIKE THAT in LDR coz they could have easily not say anything at all and u would never find out...
WOW