No one likes my SO, I don't know what to think.

[forever11.11]

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[garnet]

With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Your bf sounds like a good man. It's unfortunate your friends are making you question your relationship...
IMO, life is short. If he makes you happy, that is all that needs to be said. A kind, hardworking man is the pick of the litter. Not someone that should be made to feel like he is beneath anyone else for lack of education or whatever else (not saying you do this, that was towards your friends and family...)
My advice is to give him the credit he is due, and stand by your man, as long as you're both happy and in love. Thats all that matters.

[__ms.jaye]

I think that your "friends" aren't really your friends at all. Yes they are entitled to disagree but if they we're your true friends they should support you and be your security blanket for if anything should happen (let's hope it doesn't). As long as your man can get his life together, with his own family and still have sometime for you I think it is most definitely worth it. If he is willing to do a lot of work to be with you and supply for his family then yes, I believe you can do it. With ALOT of hard work.

Hoped this helped, and welcome to Loving From A Distance. ♥

[Èternity]

I think he should definitely be congratulated for being a responsible loving dad. It's great that you are both mature enough to realise that the kids probably need time and space to adjust to their new lives away from their dad before introducing them to you. I'm not sure how old they are, but his ex will probably be in your life and around til the kids are 18. Ask anyone here who shares custody to know what it's like to be in the middle of that.

I'm going to sound like the most unromantic person you know. From what you said, in 6m time he is coming back and going to college while supporting his two kids while you are in college too. How is that all going to work financially? Is he going to make enough money in the next 6m to support his kids and his college plans for the next few years?

What about you? When you do finish college are you going to support him by working to see him through college? As you say, nothing is guaranteed even with a college education. If you guys, as a couple, have a budget/plans to get through it, fantastic! If not, it's probably time to starting thinking and talking about it.

Also, in the future you may make more money that he does, especially while he is at college. Some guys have an issue with this, some don't but you need to discuss it as a couple. I'm not sure where you live but in some places, if his ex doesn't remarry he will supporting his two kids financially more and more as they grow, plus any you two have as well plus any student loans you both have well into your future.

Maybe your parents and friends are just concerned that money and his ex may be a big part of relationship for a long time to come and are concerned you may not have thought about it enough or planned for it. Maybe they aren't expressing it in those terms because it's easier to say you're "too good for him/too smart for him/that he'll hold me back".

Talk about it as a couple, make plans and yes love is grand!

[forever11.11]

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[LadyMarchHare]

If your friends are hassling you, either don't talk to them about him (hard, I know) or distance yourself from them to the point where you're not around them enough for it to be an every day aggravation. Or, hey, be rude back and say "hey guess what? Shut up." They may be your friends, but they still have limited access to what they can form opinions about in your life, you know?

As for your guy, I feel your age difference a bit (I'm 20, he's 27) and I think for the situation he's in, that guy's a keeper. It says volumes that he's taking care of his kids and is not throwing you at them from the start despite the relationship. He's thinking of them as well as both of you and being a hard worker with goals is always a plus. Your friends are a bit cracked in the head for not liking him. I've never met the man and from that description alone I approve of him. But take things day by day. The future's always unknown and can sometimes overwhelm you, so just take baby steps.

[CynderAngel]

If it was me, I'd definitely want to see how the relationship plays out. He sounds like a great guy, so hard working and sweet and considerate. Eternity gave you some pretty sound advice. You definitely need to keep open communication through this whole situation. While he's getting his life together, you can be doing the same. Finish college and get a job lined up. From what you said, I don't think there's any reason to rush into a decision to break up with him at the moment. Give it some thought and tell him about your concerns. (I'm sure you do already though.)

I'd be upset if my friends said the kind of things yours are saying. I had one friend who told me, "He's not really your boyfriend." I was so upset. He saw that I was hurt and apologized, and I can actually talk to that friend about my SO now, but... yeah... I sort of know how your friends must be making you feel. You can always let them know that it hurts you when they say things like that, and you want their support, but if they can't take a hint, you'll just have to learn to ignore it unfortunately. We'll always support you around here though. Stay strong.

[agentholli]

wow...i will answer your questions. I don't think it matters if finanical situations are different. Hell, if no one wanted to date a 'poor' person, I wouldn't be here right now, in a relationship

I think you need to let your friends know that it hurts you when they talk like that. A lot of LDR's get talked about badly..because people don't understand them.

[AshleyH]

You should do what makes you happy, if you're happy, then nothing else matters. If you love him and he loves you, and you both are happy together, then stay together!!! You always have choice. Good luck!

[Casey]

Okay, so you guys have been dating for two years and your "friends" aren't taking you seriously?

When I started dating Adam, I had alot of the same criticisms. It made me question us too, but only for a little while. I will be graduating uni next week, with pretty big aspirations, whereas he is a uni dropout and works in retail. And I am moving interstate for his work! His mother was VERY unsupportive of our relationship from day dot, so when he moved interstate she said "well if the move doesn't break them up, hopefully the distance will!"

Money doesn't matter a thing, if it doesn't matter to you! Personally, I would prefer to be broke and with Adam than rich and be without him.

The amount of times I was told he was "holding me back" just made me more damn determined to make it work!!!

[mllebamako]

I'm sorry that people are being so outwardly negative about your SO. I'm in a similar situation as you relationship wise. My fiance is broke, has a child, and doesn't have a steady job. Oh and he hasn't graduated HS either. But luckily, most of my family and friends don't judge him for this. But it did take me awhile to become comfortable about the situation within myself.
It seems like your SO is a great man and you seem happy in your relationship. So forget them! Tell them that if they want to keep talking to you, then your SO will not be a topic of conversation. You don't need that negativity constantly in your head.
Just because your SO is poor and doesn't have a great job now...doesn't mean he doesn't have the potential! If you believe in him, than stand up to your friends and tell them to quit it.
Plus, like you said, a college degree does not equal an automatic job. I have plenty of friends who have graduated and are working minimum wage and living with their parents because they can't afford their own place. Shoot, I thought I would have a full-time awesome career job by now (I graduated 2 years ago) but nope. I've burned through all my savings and I'm living paycheck to paycheck.

[Karringtyn]

Life is so much more than money. Your SO has proven to be a responsible man by taking care of his children. That speaks volumes. As far as your friends go...I would surround myself with people that support me...you have to...LDR's are tough enough.

Take care hon!

[LostInLove]

If you love him and he makes you happy, that's what matters! Not age, money, or what your friends think. Definitely don't worry about the age gap, I had a boyfriend who was 12 years older than me.

[amandamayaaa]

some of my friends have a hard time accepting my boyfriend as well.. but for different reasons.. and we always say that we don't care what everyone else thinks.. as long as we know we love and have each other. through this relationship i've realized a lot about my friends and myself. anyways, relationships usually cause some sort of problems with people in your life.. and my advice is just to just go with your heart.. if you love him, then don't question it.

[Silviar]

After reading your post, I felt compelled to reply, even though I can see you've gotten a lot of quality responses so far.

Look, life is short, and love can take you far. My only advice is that if you feel you're with the right man, the man who can be your partner, pull his own weight in the relationship (it doesn't have to be money, only you know what sort of support you need from a partner), and I would say if he has ambitions/the drive to carry them through, then you should absolutely tell those friends of yours where they can shove it.

The ambition/drive thing is very important in his position. Only you can know if he's the type of guy who'll better himself and be a productive partner or not. It sounds like from your description that he is, so I think it might be time to cultivate some new friends.

Welcome to LFAD. Hope you stick around.