I think my LDR is over.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I'm nearly 15 Tanja. =]

I've tried reasoning with them, but in the end it just caused a bunch of fights, so I stopped talking about my SO altogether and I'm kind of evasive with questions about him. =(

I think, though, that I'm going to go to college where I want. If my parents are really going to disown me for following my dreams, then honestly they aren't the people I thought they were and I can give them the few years they need to cool down about my college-ness.

[Tanja]

I can't stand that kind of parents who blakcmail their own children - I know they're usually only worried about their safety but it's still wrong. Maybe lots of parents don't take their kids seriously cause they're young and "they don't know what love really is" , my mum and dad were like that when I was younger and dated a guy who was 8 years older than me but I was very serious about him atm and we ended up dating for over 2 years which really changed my parents' point of view.

You should try to talk to your parents even though they sound really strict but tell them how you feel and that you're not a 5-year-old kid anymore. I don't know how old you really are but by the sound of your posts you seem to be mature and you know what you're doing and I'm sure you could make them see that too.

I hope you'll be able to meet face-to-face soon cause that always puts things into perspective and it usually helps other people to accept the relationship as well.

[Sarah M]

I am stunned... I've never heard of this kind of situation before and I really wish there was something I could do to help... Why are your parents so against it?

[Veiled_Dreamer]

My mom told me in the beginning "he is not welcome at all in my state" and my friends mock and interrogate me about him until I totally stopped bringing it up. Everyone here is against LDR, and my brother is a social guru (it's really eerie... someone says something about asking someone else out on a date and he knows the next day, it's like the walls talk to him) so he would find out I had met him somehow and tell my parents. Plus, my SO's too poor to even think about cross-country plane tickets.

And also, my dad just now told me that if I go to a college that's not local, even a prestigious one, he'll disown me: no more phone calls home and no use of my college fund. In a word... WTF? I hope he was exaggerating or angry about something else....

Maybe he could come see you instead? Your mother would probably be more accepting if he went that far to see you. My mother wouldn't let me go meet up with my boyfriend until she met him several times. This might not be the best suggestion...but even if your mother wouldn't let you, couldn't he still come? You could meet him somewhere with some of your friends in a public place so that you would be sure that you are safe.

But if not, that is good that you are considering a school near him!

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I agree with Tanja and Taija. However, I think that even before you think about applying to go to a school near him--if I remember correctly, you two have a large age gap--you guys should try to meet in person. It might not be cheap or easy, but it would definitely be worth it. My boyfriend and I didn't become official until we met in person. Before then, there was the possibility that we could have met other people. However, there is no substitution for meeting each other face to face. That might help your boyfriend see things differently.

I was looking at schools and I really liked one; I find out after I had gone, "squee flail rawr, this school is exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for!" (did not mean for that to rhyme XD) that it happened to be nearby. I like the school enough that even if he says he hates me out of the blue, I'd probably still go. It's a prestigious university that's up to my personal standards, but I certainly would never consider just going to a mediocre school just for him. And yeah, you were right about the age gap.

There is no possible way we could ever meet in like a few months or anything. Even after I convinced my mother he was definitely not a stalkerish freak and it was okay for me to mail/call him, she only let me keep talking to him because she thought he was something like an "Internet boyfriend." Every time I suggested meeting -maybe we could take a family trip even, I didn't care- she laughed. So yeah, I doubt that will happen until I go to college, even if I don't go to college near him.

[lunamea]

I agree to the others and am a little concerned as to the status quo not really having changed a lot by his words. He's given you more than he did before, though, so if you feel you can work from there, that's good! I also think it's of utmost importance that the two of you meet up. I guess then you can tell for sure where you're going.

I agree with Tanja and Taija. However, I think that even before you think about applying to go to a school near him--if I remember correctly, you two have a large age gap--you guys should try to meet in person. It might not be cheap or easy, but it would definitely be worth it. My boyfriend and I didn't become official until we met in person. Before then, there was the possibility that we could have met other people. However, there is no substitution for meeting each other face to face. That might help your boyfriend see things differently.

[Sarah M]

Definitely sounds odd and difficult, but if you're happy then that's fine! I'm sure it's not the best thing that could be, but at the moment, it seems to be working okay for you. Though I agree with the others - he shouldn't kleep it a secret from those other girls. If it makes them jealous and want him more, then so be it. It's his reaction to that which will tell you all about him.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

It definitely is a strange situation. I can't agree more, but it's also one that makes me happy, at least for now.

Tanja, I wish there was a way for me to move out there. I refuse to make it a race to see who can get to him the fastest, between me and his ex, because if he gets with her just because she's there sooner, then he wasn't meant for me anyway. She hasn't thought any of it through, honestly, from both what she's told me and he's observed. I'm talking to my school counselors about early graduation; it's looking like it's not too far before it's all systems go and I get out in like a year and a half. I had also already found a college I adored- turns out, I looked up locations and it's about 15 minutes from his city. Go figure, right?

And I didn't keep it secret at first- my parents were all over me with their pessimism, so I started keeping it a secret. He had an LDR before me and his family very strongly opposed it too. So, basically both our families hate LDRs with a passion and there's no point.

[aggie]

That sounds a bit strange to me, but hey, he made you happy.
I still think that we should live our lives to the fullest... so as long as youre happy, hold on to it and stay that way!
I'm just hoping he thought through it and knows what he wants, really.
Goooood luuuuck!
and smile!

[Taija]

It still sounds to me like you're on shaky grounds and, as I always say, actions speak louder than words. But nonetheless, I wish you good luck, I hope everything works out for the two of you!

I hope it works out for your own hapiness!

[Tanja]

Isn't there any way you could transfer to a shcool closer to each other or something? It's ovbious he wants to be with you but tbh it sounds like if you don't get together soon and meet up or start dating publicly it's likely he could meet someone else in the future. It makes it worse that he hasn't told anyone about you, with his friends not knowing he's in a LDR they're gonna treat him like he's single and he has to act on it in front of them...

Your situation sounds tricky, I know you feel happy now that he's admitted he loves you but if something doesn't change (you meeting up or you both telling everyone about your LDR) I can't see how it could last for years to come. I don't mean to sound harsh but if I was you I wouldn't keep it a secret anymore, especially since it seems like you both are going to try and make this work no matter what.

Good luck!

[Veiled_Dreamer]

We were talking about the odds that, in the years it will take us to meet, we will have both already found someone, since he somehow has come to the conclusion that I'm an idealist when I'm a very established pessimist. XD And I told him to stop talking about the odds, what were the odds that yada yada had happened, that I would be the one to find someone else? He said you're right, odds don't really apply to us, and then he said what I posted.

He also said he wants the same kind of things I want, he's been trying to fall in love again but he can't he doesn't know why; but he also doesn't want an LDR because he thinks it can't work without us knowing when it will end. When I was kind of starting to get angry with him, I painted him a picture of a beautiful girl that is nice and lovely and wants to be with him and lives nearby, what does he do even if he enjoys talking to me more? "I pick you hands down. The issue isn't about some random girl I meet." Made my life, for real. I always thought that was an issue with us. The way he sees it, he can only spend his life with his ex best friend (who he said is all but out of his life by this point, horrible story I helped him get through actually ;_; ), me, or one of his exes. Very complicated, but he's said before the odds that ex will actually move out to Cali like she wants are slim, since she has dreams and not real plans: she wants to go to college out in Cali but she doesn't know which one, whereas I'm already working with my school counselors for my life plan, including names of colleges and such. He also said that this ex has told him point blank she can't live without him and he feels like she's getting clingy and jealous, even when she doesn't really know about us, but he can't break her heart again. I would never make him stop talking to her, anyway. Realistically, if she does get out there I can see where she would pull every trick in the book to get him to fall for her, but if he's happy I can honestly move on. The way he sees it (before we agreed to forget odds): "Realistically, odds are I will have all those things with [my ex] long before I ever meet you, but nothing is certain and it certainly doesn't mean that we shouldn't try or that we cant keep our doors open." And then he said odds don't matter, and we ended our convo with the first thing I edited into my other post.

Maybe the most important thing he said:
"I feel like I'm supposed to fall in love with [that ex] but I can't, I feel like I was fated to spend my life with [my former best friend] in some form or another, however unlikely that seems, but I want to spend it with you, you were my first love and I spent so much time trying to fall in love again, I still am."