Worried and Frustrated

[mcpit]

Hi Fellow LDRS!

So I am writing because I am in desperate need of a little help. I moved to CA from the Philippines and left behind my boyfriend of 3 years. We got together when I was 20, and the relationship is pretty serious.

However, I have been here for about 2 months now and am finding that I would like to branch out and date other people. How do I tell him that after promising him that I will make the LDR work? I am also finding myself feeling distant towards him.

HELP! I love my bf and I don't want to hurt him, but I can't stop what I am feeling either! ARRRGGGHHHH.

[Zephii]

Welcome to the forums

Well, I guess, have a think about how you'd feel if the roles were reversed. That always helps me.
Other than that, is it possible to start planning a visit together? because seeing each other would remind you why you're with him. Can you do more things to include him in your life from a distance, so it feels more like you have a bf?

[LadyMarchHare]

Zephii has the right idea. I think if there's any way to visit one another, you may find yourself falling all over or you may confirm that you can no longer be with him despite loving him. Usually it encourages the former, but every case is different. If not, ask your SO if it would be alright that you guys take a break for a pre-determined set of time, discuss the 'rules' of the break (if he doesn't want you seeing people during it, if you don't want to have contact, etc) and then why you want the break. Honesty's the best policy so even though it might hurt him, he deserves to know why.

Best of luck and welcome to LFAD.

[lucybelle]

Hmm... well I see the same thing in this situation as with my sister. She has a great SO and they've been together for a long time (5 years maybe more?). But recently she has constantly spoken with me about how she wants to see other guys. She keeps wondering if "someone better is out there". I have told her to first MAKE FRIENDS, then decide if she wants to take any of those friendships further. If she decides she does, she needs to tell her SO.

Oh and every time she's with her SO (they're in a bit of an LDR-- neighboring states) she always says "I can't believe I ever said any of those things! He's great!" So no rash decisions! A visit might be all you need. Good luck

[CynderAngel]

Everyone has made some really good suggestions. One other thing I'd like to add is maybe you're a little bored with the LDR since all you can really do is talk? Which isn't really true as you'll discover by reading the list of 90+ things for long distance couples to do together. Doing activities together can help increase the interest and keep the relationship strong. That's what I've found anyway. I love having a movie or game night with my SO.

[mcpit]

Thanks everyone for the great advice! I definitely will look into trying to spice things up with him first before doing anything sudden. Actually we just decided to talk less often (as we have very little to say nowadays) so I am not sure if this is a good thing or what.

A visit is very hard to do considering the distance, money and time involved. Also we have both just started working so we don't have a lot of savings to blow on a trip.

Lucybelle, that is exactly how I feel. My bf is my bestest best friend BUT I do wonder if there are other men out there that would be right for me. Anyway thank you all!!! I am really happy I subscribed to this forum.

[CynderAngel]

Good luck! You're always welcome to come back for advice and support, and we'd love to hear how things are going.