SO wants to join LFAD *eek* [advice needed]

[noodle]

As the title says my SO wants to join this forum lol
Well actually he has only mentioned it 2 days ago when we had our big fight.
He said he wants to join this forum so he knows what he could do for his significant other (me) despite of the distance.

Yes that is very sweet and cute BUT I'm kinda scared

I've been on here since September or somethin and I have freely posted around speaking my mind >_> And bein very honest to you guys and always tellin when he's pissin me off etc.

I mean there's nothin that I've posted that he doesnt know (example if I wouldve cheated on him and asked you for help but didnt tell him).

Still I'm worried that he'd go through everything I wrote like blogs etc (out of curiousity - I would do the same) and than think even more that he is a horrible boyfriend

How I can be sure that he'll do it? Cause he did it with my tweets on Twitter as well not too long ago lol


So I need your advice now...
Should I just warn him about it?
Delete posts/blogs that dont matter anymore?
Or ask him if he really wants to join and then delte stuff etc?
Just go with the flow and see what happens?
Or anything else...?

[Zephii]

Honesty is good for a relationship. Warn him that this has been your sounding board for months and that there are things that might offend him. I really believe that if you were to go back and delete a whole bunch of stuff it would not only look a little suspicious but it would indicate you have a guilty conscious or think you've done something wrong, which you haven't.

[Heather]

I agree with what Zephii said..be honest with him, tell him straight up he might not like some things, reassure him that you're on this site with the best of intentions.

[MissShortie]

Zephii is so right. just let him know up front

I have wanted my SO to join but he isn't a forum type person so I haven't pushed it on him, I know him, he would make one and then never get on

[London-FortCollins]

Definitely just forewarn him. Let him know its nothing that he doesn't know about and its been your venting place. Same as if you'd sat and had discussions face to face with friends/family its now out of date and irrelevant, the only difference its still in existence.

[noodle]

I have wanted my SO to join but he isn't a forum type person so I haven't pushed it on him, I know him, he would make one and then never get on

My bf is the same that's why I've never talked him into it
But yea I was thinkin of doin this the next time I get to talk to him. Plus I've told him quite a lot of times that sometimes he pisses me off like hell ^^ But that I still love him to death ...

[MissShortie]

let us know how it goes!

[MissShortie]

You know what I was just thinking maybe if you wanted you could also talk to people who have their SO's on here, which reminds me... where has Andy and Tanja been?

[noodle]

You know what I was just thinking maybe if you wanted you could also talk to people who have their SO's on here, which reminds me... where has Andy and Tanja been?

Yea I thought of those ppl too but I thought I'd get a faster reply if I make a thread x)
They have probably dissapeard under the covers! Isnt Tanja still in Wales with him?

[Zephii]

I think last I heard Andy was moving there (to Finland)... soon. Like tomorrow or something. Really soon anyway.

[BoogleBee]

nah she went back to finland but he is supposed to be moving there in like a week...or two? i think...maybe. Could be wrong.
I have my SO on the forum. I can't really compare to what it was like without her on here though because we both joined together, so have always been here together. I quite love it to be honest. It does mean she can obviously read everything i write, but then again i don't want secrets from her so that is okay. We enjoy it as we can talk about the threads together and we both know who members are and such.

But yeah i agree with what Zephii said and others absolutely.

[garnet]

I'm with everyone else. I understand your worry though! When Rane joined up, which was a bit after I did, I was a bit freaked. It's nice to be here as a couple, but I can also see wanting this to be *your* place. If you're uncomfortable with it, you might tell him so if it comes up again? It's fair to want a spot of your own where you can go and freely speak.

[NikkiP]

Well, my SO has been a member for almost as long as I have. I don't think that it really hinders anything that I have to say and I have made some pretty great friends so whenever I need to vent I just send them a PM message or whatnot. I think only one post (when I was really homesick on a visit) would have been offensive and I definitely came to you all for advice before even letting him know how I was feeling.

He's not very active but he just goes to my profile to read my posts. It's sort of unfair because it gives him great insight into my brain. I think he's got two posts?

I think you should ask him what he hopes to gain from joining the forum (as opposed to just using the lists posted on the website) and then say you know what, this is where I go to vent. As long as you've honestly already voiced these issues with him, there shouldn't be any surprises. I don't know if this helps at all?

[Rane]

Well being someone who has their SO on here, I certainly don't come posting on here bashing Garnet when we fight or something. That being said, I agree with what others have said. I mean, this is where you came for advice when you were going through some rough times, but that doesn't make him a bad boyfriend. Just make sure he knows that you have been very open when it came to getting advice, because of the anonymity of the forum, but that doesn't make him a bad boyfriend, because if he were to look at others' posts, everyone goes through troubles, it's natural in a relationship.

That being said, as far as you are concerned, and he's concerned, when you're both on the forum, getting advice if you're having a fight is sort of out of the question at that point. Unless of course you want your SO to see it all, that is. >.> I think I wonder if he'll get the support he's looking for by joining the same forum as you? I mean, speaking from a standpoint of just support as far as LD related, and just feeling the burden of the distance, then being able to read posts would probably be beneficial, but as far as relationship problems go, you would probably lose the ability to use LFAD as a sounding board in the future.

[noodle]

Thanks for all the replies!

I asked him earlier on and he said that he doesnt know yet but probably wont cause he's just not that kinda type for forums and that he'll probably just feel bad when he reads what other bfs do and stuff and than he asked why I'm askin and I said cause I just wanted to warn him if he did join that he can prepare on some venting of mine lol
We joked about it and he said its fine and that its ok with him if I did cause he knows I was just lookin for some advice
So we'll see, maybe he joins out of curiousity to see what I posted xD haha