What would YOU pick & why?

[sagittariusgirl89]

It is long distance. I only see him once every two weeks, whereas I used to see him everyday.

Yu dont have to live a lot of miles apart or only see each other once every 3 mths to be considered long distance.

[Gurl]

My 2 cents on the is it or is it not an LDR....
Its an LDR if it FEELS like one to the people involved. Its that simple...Even if they are only 5 miles apart (though I'd go slam off on anyone that close together saying they were LD LOL). Being able to see each other every 2 weeks seems pretty NOT LDR to a lot of us, but when I was only able to see Billy about once a month it really took a toll on me at times. Even 60 miles can be hard when you cant go to your SO if you need them or they need you.

[lunamea]

I'm with Gurl on this - it depends on your personal perspective and I think it therefore shouldn't really be an issue here, anyway.

I know a few days can feel really long, but if you keep yourself busy, they'll pass really fast. I'd advise you to hang in there and have a better time a little later, even though, if you and your bf think the same way as Taija and me about sex during your period and your bf doesn't mind the drive, why not see him when you feel you need to? Hell, I would've gone to see my (now) hb (then a 2-hour train ride away) every day when we met, if I'd had the time and the money.

[Rach321]

Sagitariusgirl, I know it's really dissapointing when you think you'll see your SO and then plans change, but from what you originally said, it does sound like the weekend is better. One thing I've learned in my LDR is that uncertainty is just part of the deal. It's important not to let yourself get too worked up over it and just appreciate the times you are able to have together.

As for Jennifer's comment that

I would suggest, to anyone, to think before they post certain subjects.

It's true that her situation seems much easier than some others on the site, but I'd hate to think that we'd not be supportive of anyone in a long distance relationship. 120 miles can be very far depending on the access you have to transportation, money, time, etc. None of us should feel like we shouldn't post about our troubles because someone else may be worse off than we are. One thing that is great about this community is that everyone can be an equal contributor, however far apart they are, or how often they can see each other (or whether they've even met in person), or how long they've been together, etc. I know you probably didn't mean to sound dismissive of her situation, but that is how I read it.

[Jennifer&Georgex3]

I agree, Rachel.
I've been with the site for a while. I've watched it grow, like a lot of others here in the forum. I read... almost every post that there is, even though I do not always have a comment or the 'right' advice to give, but I will say that I suggest people think about things. Really, truly. There are many, many, many topics that all of us need help with in all aspects of life, but there are many other things that should be kept to one's personal thought. I don't want to say people's problems aren't as 'stressful' as others, for I've posted my share about lady problems to finical difficulties, but I sometimes feel topics 'out shine' one another (because of their forum page count, etc). I think there is a search feature on this new site, like there was in the old that gives people the chance to search the forum pages. [I, personally, do that before consulting the site for I do not want to repeat information whenever there is a new, possibly more difficult or conversational topic that people need to attend to.]

Also,
The long distance mileage. What is really long distance? Well, long distance is long distance. I don't quite believe that long distance is '5 miles apart but you don't see one another all of the time'. Does that mean my brother, who works 6 days of the week, and his girlfriend, who does the same while taking care of her two children, is considered an LDR because they do not get to see one another as much as they would like to? I don't think that is exactly it.

I did not, at all, mean to sound rude, mean, or anything. I only wanted to express how I feel about subjects. I did not mean to call out or hurt anyone's feelings. [Please know I am sorry.]

[MadMolly]

It's a tricky subject. I would definitely say once every 2 weeks is LDR. This year, even though Dave lives 1000km away on a different landmass (need to fly up here), I've seen him every 2 weeks almost because he had the time and money to fly up a lot. It really is all about the circumstance. When I was in highschool I had a boyfriend who lived on the mainland (I grew up on a small island) and we only saw eachother twice the whole time we were together (2 months haha) because of the ferry prices. Funnily though the ferry only took half an hour so it was not really long distance at all but the money and time were an issue. I used to call that long distance but now I wouldn't, but it's hard to say. I think this site can help a lot with any sort of relationship though, no matter the distance. It's just such a hard thing to define... and I think those who live 1000s of km's away from their lovers (me definitely included) would envy anyone closer to eachother [even if a bit closer is still LDR!].

[MadMolly]

Ok, I have decided on a personal definition of long distance (for me, anyway!). :P If you can't call up your SO and say "Hey, wanna get dinner and a movie tonight?" and have them say "Sure, what time?" because of the distance.

[Bluestars]

I just looked up the definition of a long distance relationship on google, and this is what it said:
"A long-distance relationship or LDR is typically an intimate relationship that takes place when the partners are separated by a considerable distance" (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-distance_relationship).

However, like MadMolly said, what defines a considerable distance? I actually like her personal definition better. I do not think you can say, if you are x miles away, then you are LDR, or if you see each other X times a month, you are not LDR.

I sort of see this from another point of view....Well, Jared just moved back to Louisiana today, but before that we were only around 51 miles away, which is an hour drive. I wouldn't go as far to say that we were an LDR,yet at the same time, I still do not think that we were CDR either. Normally, we would see each other once a week, sometimes more if he drove down to see me for an hour during the week. But although our visits were more often than before, it still involved me staying at his house because I could not drive back in the same day because driving an hour to me is exhausting. During the week, we basically did the same that we do from 800 miles apart. To me, a close distance relationship would be living in the same town. Although we wouldn't have to meet up every day, we could do what Molly said. We could go on "dates" without having to make an ordeal out of it. We could just meet up for dinner and then he could drop me off at home. However, being 51 miles apart did prevented us from doing that, so I can easily see 160 miles as an LDR as well.

I think Rach321 put it beautifully. I do not see any reason for any person to be afraid to post something on this site. I hate to think that people looked down my Jared and my relationship when we were only 51 miles apart these past two months >.< Even when Jared and I were (and are again) 800 miles apart, we still saw each other once a month. To me that seems like a long time, but to others, like Taija who only gets to see her SO every 9 months, one month seems like nothing. It's all relative to the person, and although we all might get tad jealous when others get to see their SO more often than we do, I do not think that justifies looking down on the person.

[Zephii]

I'm personally echoing Jennifer's sentiments here. I would never dare to say that 120 miles isn't long distance, but that probably just makes me a politically correct coward, in all honesty. Hell, I used to go twice that distance each direction to spend one night a week with my sister so it's hard for me to fathom what the big deal is, but it's not very supportive of me to point this out. Jennifer's got a good point though, that there are other things that they could focus on rather than wheather or not they can have sex.

I'm also agreeing with the "just put down a towel" concept, but that freaks a lot of guys out. I'd also like to say that you can get pregnant on your period and you can still catch an STI and still need to take caution as always

[Jennifer&Georgex3]

Bluestars,
I never once even 'thought to think' that, at all. You and Jared are extremely adorable and very mature in your decision making, as I've told you before.

MadMolly,
You always seem to sooth me, as mad as you might call yourself. I agree in your definition and should think even more about people's situations, whether they are the same or different to mine, keeping the details of their relationship in mind (money, location, job, school, time, etc). To be honest, I'm embarrassed that I had overlooked that. The way I wrote my post sounded offensive and I didn't mean it that way. [I've taken a nap and eaten since and feel much more relived after a days work.]

George put it this way: People post on the site to her 'personalized advice', not to read something that someone posted that isn't for them or to a general audience. I thoroughly agreed, then began to think, "Wow, he's the man I love. Good job, Jennifer."


I love LFAD. [George even got me a satchel. I felt amazing because I knew we supported the community and... I got a GREAT gift out of it!]

[Rach321]

Jennifer, there's no need to feel bad or embarrassed about what you wrote. I just wanted to reply so that there was a record for those reading this thread that they do not need to question whether or not their situation is worthy of posting on this site and they shouldn't fear that their concerns will be dismissed. I've read your posts on this site and the old one, and you're always very helpful and supportive in your comments.

And I do agree that we should encourage members to search the site for topics that have already been discussed. On the old site, there was such a wealth of knowledge that it was easy to find topics that related to specific situations. Since we're just getting started with this one, I think it's ok if there is a bit of overlap. One thing that the most active members can do is to provide links to existing threads when someone brings up a situation that has already been discussed. This might help to promote a trend toward doing a search first, then posting if a member feels his/her situation has not been addressed.

[Bluestars]

Jenny,
I just got paranoid >.< But I have to say that you must be one lucky lady for getting a love satchel from George! XD What a cute present! That is what I got Jared, too

[Taija]

To me that seems like a long time, but to others, like Taija who only gets to see her SO every 9 months, one month seems like nothing.

Actually, we only had to wait the full 9 months once. Thank god for that. :P

I think Jennifer's frustration is understandable - regardless of whether it's right or wrong, I'm sure we all have our bouts of jealousy when we hear about people who are more fortunate than us. But the truth is that there will always be people who've got it worse - someone who needs to wait years to see their SO would probably laugh at my own situation.

[Sarah M]

Who cares about your period?! This is your man. If it was me, I would see him as often as possible. Brown towels were made for a reason.

[sagittariusgirl89]

@Jennifer - I understand now what you mean. When I read the first post, to be honest i was offended. But, now it's fine.

I think that LD varies from person to person. I mean, hell, before my BF moved, I'd go to his apartment practically everyday. I'd live with him and only be home once or twice a week. I'd always see him everyday, we'd spend so much time together. Now, I see him every 2 wks for like a day. I'm still adjusting to the whole LD thing. I've been doing this for only 5mths.

But, I'm glad I can still feel welcome to post anything on here with out being afraid ill be criticized.

Oh, and i bought my SO a love letter satchel and myself one lol. He got jealous though, because I ordered myself the purple one with the designs on it, whereas I ordered him just the plain navy one. LOL.